Stab My Back

i seriously do not know what to do right now. all these problems are circulating after discovering my mother having breast cancer. oh gosh, i seriously do not know what to do right now.
i'm scared for a lot of things. first, for my mom, of course. i know that she'll be alright, but still, you know? like, how?
i'm scared that when she gets better, the cancer will come back. i read that in a website (the real one, mind you, not the ones filled with fake info) that the person who had cancer once has a better chance of having it again.
i hate cancer. why on earth does it have to exist on this world? before this, i never really thought that cancer will actually come and ruin our lives. i always thought it was something that someone else i read or watched or just known will get. i never knew it'll actually happen to me. you see, life is like that. this is like a wake-up call for our family. i know it'll bring us closer, but i just wish that we could have done that without having my mother to suffer.
i really want to meet her again. yet, i'm scared again.
oh gosh, i really want to talk to someone who experienced this before. i decided to tell my English teacher, who i really extremely trust, and it paid off. he was so supportive, i swear. i'm glad that he's my teacher, he had given me words that i would never ever forget. he offered support straightforward that i never had before. Thank God i have someone like that. as like as if i was really damn lucky.
i also told my best friend (i already told you this on the previous post). even though she will be supportive, she has a weird sense of expressing it. it's really hard to explain. i know that she has major problems with her family as well, so i gues i need to accept that fact.
i also told another close friend - she was really sweet and suported me as well. i liked that.
oh God, let her be alright. keep her out of harm's way. let's hope the chemotherapy can be sucessful!
i'm also scared that my sister will get cancer as it is passed from hereditary. i'm terrified that i will get it as well. i read that breast cancer is nearly impossible to get when your still a teen, but still, how about my future? i want to pray to God everyday for him to protect me from this disease. i also want to pray to him for all my relatives to be okayy, especially my sister. i hope it'll stop running in our family. i hate this disease.
but this creates a whole new appreciation for my life. it has been only a couple of days after i found out, but i made myself aware of the challenges i would be going through. challenges in school - like, whenever they talk about family issues and all, and concentrating on my studies. and challenges at home - even though i have been closer to my father than ever before, we still need to handle the pressure of cleaning the house. i know its a weird thing to ponder about but still, you know, my mother was the one who took care of the house. now, its up to us if we had to do the laundry, or iron, wash the dishes, clean the floor, make the beds, etc. i am thinking of asking my dad for a full-time maid, but i'm not entirely sure yet.
i probably expect my friends to act different towards me if they found out. you know, more sympathetic and all. oh gosh, i do not know how to take it.
i know that i should continue my life, but how, you know? its weird that your talking and laughing with your friends while your mom is getting her medicine or something. you know how life is ironic!!
talking to friends
writing journal entries
doodling
doing school work and homework
praying
watching movies
listening to musique
internet
reading newspapers, magazines, books
keeps my life going on..from this current situation i'm in..
infinite x's and o's
people who are reading this.
angelica