How Can You Be So Sure?

Arggh. Slow connection’s began to rise. Let’s hope the paychecks start rolling in. To wipe off our existence of irresponsibleness. To wipe off whatever that keeps the world go round. IN a bad way – of course.
I do a whole lot of complaining in most of my blogs. I’m willing to change that, somehow and soon.
I found out some bad news awhile ago – I can’t really say much in particular, but it made me realize. Again. Seriously though, it’s really mind blowing. I remember laying in my head, just dazed and shocked about the news. You never really know how much it all means until you really lose it – it’s devastating to hear it. You feel guilty of what you should have done, blame yourself for being so selfish, and because of that, your self-hatred arises. And then, all the time you have left, is spent trying to make up for all the time wasted.
I just it turns out right for all of them. They’re good people, really. My heart goes out to them.
I’m turning, I’m changing, I can feel all of it. But the road is still out there – and I feel like I’m just started walking. Not really running. As much as I want to, I steady my feet into slow rhythm – to keep everything else around me cause I’m so used to it. I know it sounds really cheesy, but, when can it all break free?
The tapestry is starting to unravel by my naked hands.
Time. It ticks you if don’t have time, but then, you wish it could go faster in the other times. Thank goodness it ticks to its own beat – we all got to make with it, because there’s no other choice.
I’ll stop substituting from words I feel like is poetic.
I wish summertime will just go on. Not end by the time of July next month. I like watching. I like relaxing. I like reading. I like everything about it. The only thing(s) that are missing are stuff that can be replaced by sheer, mild entertainment which sometimes leave you hanging on, or sometimes wishing for it even more.
Wordless.
My summertime isn’t exactly like swimming on the beach, hanging out with your friends, finding summer love. As much as I want to do all that, I’ll just keep hanging on for hope, summer after summer. I know one day it will happen – when you least expect it do, because it seems that everything that you (used) to want will eventually get to you, but by the time, you got your eye on something else.
Sometimes it feels all contradictory. I want to be a part of the group, but then I want to stand out. When I publish my story in a fingerprint of the whole society, I just don’t want to be another typical blog, compared to what I read in the blogs. I want to belong to the group where they actually read what I wrote. And I can read what they write – and not because I just want to be a part of the group, but because I want to know and actually feel something that’s not from the heart of mine. But then I feel stuck. Like, there’s no where else to go sometimes.
I guess I shouldn’t rely on anything anymore
“I can't take anything with actors that seriously. I save such feelings for REAL LIFE.”