Tick...

The sound of silence. Just the religious chanting outside of my apartment’s window and the tapping sound that my keyboard makes. I’m trying to get this boombox to play a CD of mine, but it comes out all crickety and it seems to be like noise instead of music. My dad keeps saying to me that the music I play is definitely not music but NOISE. I like to annoy him by that. In a light-hearted way of course.
Exercise is great. I hate the chair that I’m sitting on. Trying my hardest not to complain about my slow computer. Is it really because of all that music?? I hope my dad doesn’t complain again. Not saying that these days consists of me in a good mood, but just, just. Some moments bad, some moments good. The worst was this Monday. I fcking hated that day for some reason. I never felt so depressed in my life ever. I recalled the time where I got fed up for such a small reason and then when I realized I got upset over such a small thing, I hated myself even more.
What’s even more depressing >>>> I’m trying to construct words out of my misery.
Let’s go and live in a house made up of my writer’s blocks.
I try and not to be so “jazzed” up about Pete Wentz. Speaking of jazz, I’ll tell you later. Anyways, I’m not expecting anything serious from him. I clearly thought in Tuesday, that when I stop thinking about him that I could get on with my life, but lately, I’ve been giving in to those stupid daydreams. I hate it. And it’s still Thursday!
It’s amazing how exercise can benefit. I’m in a pretty good mood but a negative mood is slowly coming up. Somehow, I’m not happy with my body. I’ve got those stupid ugly pimple that makes you so damn self-conscious and that killer stomach. When I say killer, I’m not meaning the good kind. It’s so fcking big that’s it’s not even funny. I try not to concentrate on my stomach but everytime I see a flat stomach I seriously just want to cry. And most of my friends have to-die-for-compared-to-mine stomachs that it’s just making it harder.
Butt looks huge sometimes. The worst thing is that I can’t fit into my jeans anymore. I tried these shorts that fitted my sister when she was in the 12th grade but they were too tight for me. Imagine my self-esteem. Arggh, and I’m only in the 9th grade. Just telling yout aht makes me feel like a fat cow. I just don’t like my lower body. I seriously hate them, I think that it’s like double compared to the others.
I’m scared that in the holidays, I’m going to overeat and not exercise at all and I gain lots and lots of weight. I keep telling myself I just need to drink water and lots of fruits and keep the junk food in moderation but then I give up since in the Philippines, there’s loads of damn good food to try in. So I’m planning to exercise during the holidays we get to have (the expatriates don’t need to do the national exams, which is turning out to be a real nightmare for them, because of two things. Lack of time and lack of quality education. Or maybe they’re just too lazy. Anyways, yeah, I’m going to try and keep fit everyday.)
I’ll say this one more time. I fucking hate my bloated stomach.


Anyways, the HOLIDAYS! Sometimes I feel glad for being an expat, but sometimes I don’t. I’m the only expat in my class that doesn’t have Indonesian blood. It’s pretty weird, especially when you attempt to talk in Indo, you just have this accent. The other thing is that what mostly we expats do during they have reinforcement or practice exams is just sit around and do almost nothing. I almost died of fcking boredom at times. Luckily, Monopoly saved it. And I’m so glad that we get to have holiday, while they come to school to do the national exam, we can just sit home (one of the best things in life, I confess, I’m a home-loving geek!) and hang out! I’m planning to go and buy a present for one of my friends whose birthday is coming up and she’s planning to celebrate it with a karaoke singing (I fucking hate my singing voice!). Ooh, while I’m alone in home next week, I’m going to practice my karaoke!! I just don’t want to be fcking off-key, you know?
Okay, what else? Scrubs is an awesome show! I love it! It’s damn hilarious sometimes!! Looking forward to buy lots more DVDs to watch to cure my boredom/excitement!
I want to have another manicure/pedicure! I want to feel pretty again! I want to update my bangs! I want massages! I want to go the salon again!
Good eyeliner…good headphones..good ipod cover…good eyelash curler.. good moisturizer…good facial wash..mostly from Body Shop..that’s all I want.
Oh, and a good present for my friend! And what else, a good “Hawaiian” outfit for the upcoming other school party! Since we don’t have any prom, I’m pretty much looking forward to this event (despite my EX, emphasis on the EX, crush is going to make a move on some girl, and thinking that the other people still think I have a crush on him, which I fcking don’t, and sympathize with them!). yeah. Oh, and the holidayyys! Wohoo! And meeting my mom! And getting good internet connection in the nearby internet café! And taking cold showers while the weather is fcking heating up! And shopping in Greenbelt! And catching up on some personal writing and reading! And taking photos! And hoping to make some new friends! And what else? SHOPPING! Books, CDs, Clothes, Acessories, that’s all I want!
Can’t believe someone so talented have a crush on someone not exactly deserving. She was caught lip-synching for Pete’s (that’s him) sake! Arggh, you at least deserve someone so much better, seriously. Even though I hate admit that it’s not me (sobs) it should be someone HONEST and ORIGINAL….JUST NOT HER DAMMNIT!
I saw how it the dreadful SNL incident happen. Damn, that’s embaressing! And blaming her band?? That’s making it worse!! It’s amazing how much stuff that random people put out, making fools out themselves in many many different ways. The internet is definitely a way to get your voice heard, people like the option of showing themselves in a webcam. We went to a site where you can see almost any video of your choice (I go there for special Pete Wentz stuff and FOB and music videos as well! It’s a great site for those, and seeing them perform live!) They all have something in common, it made us laugh at least. One of the highlights was..
* This infamous kid name Barney. We looked at him lip-synching to Chicago’s “All That Jazz” and it was so damn hilarious. We were laughing so hard, mostly because you can see that he was pretty fruity. Hahahaha.
* This girl wearing a santa hat who was (fakingly) (lip-sing)ing a rendition of a Christmas singing. It was so fcking hilarious, how she was all serious (I’m sorry, I feel that I’m being really damn harsh!) and then, in one part, she was forgot the lyrics and she peered at the TV and started lip-singing again. Damn, it was soo funny! What made it even hilarious was that my bestie was laughing her pants off and the volume was turned up so high that her mom came bursting in the room fuming mad and her face was like about to burst (she was damn mad, because there were visitors at that time) and then she pointed a finger to her, but while she was trying so hard not to laugh but she was stifling to laugh so hard which made me laugh, but I tried so hard not to laugh and then before she came out of the room, she turned off the light. OMFG, after that we were laughing so fcking hard. What’s the point of turning off the light that we’re going to turn it back on? While it all happen, the girl in the video was still singing her heart out, OMG, it was so hilarious!
I’m sorry if I’m not making any sense at all. This was a definite BEST BESTIE MOMENT!
* These teenage girls that were lip synching to ‘Dirty Pop’. It was so embaressing, but I can’t help but think that they were a group of friends doing something ‘memorable’ together which they all understand while the outside doesn’t, youknowhatimean? And that could be us.