Crying Shame..

sighs. another good day will always be followed by another bad/dull/bad/dull day. these past few days were pretty dull, nothing really exciting has happened during my life, despite the increased concentration thathas been growing on me towards reading, music, and probably my studies (despite an unusual realization that i apparently, SUCK at math!). i have a huge passion for writing, and i'm attempting to balance the scales from writing to math and computer and sports, you know??
i totally miss this guy, in a total non-lovish way, which is pretty ironic, because i consider him my first experience with LOVE. now, i don't think i feel the same way anymore, maybe its because my friend's totally in love with him and everyone is supporting her. secretly, it's really fine with me, because everything nearly worked out, you know what i mean? i dunno, it's pretty complicated, i don't want to explain everything today, cause i have plenty of studying to do.
i have a few issues with the school i'm going to. i can sum it up in three words >>> i hate it. i'm too bored. i wanna move. its too depressing. there's a ton of stuff in my head about it, but i don't feel like talking about it.
i have problems with math. maybe it's due to the inattentiveness that humor and sarcasm has substituted for supposed learning and all from our math teacher. i don't have anything against him, i'd rather want him to spend most of his time explaining about math and what we're supposed to learn than to harass one of the most perverted guys in our class >> and one of the ones that's really upsetting me (sorta) i'll explain later.
actualy, i'll explain now. i'm sort of in a hurry so apologies for the blurred meaning that i'm trying to get through.
i hate it when he decides to 'hang and flirt' with the 'more prettier girls' while the others just watch and stuff like that. it's really degrading you know? first, your self confidence is just sky high and then, despite of his stupid behaviour (he's pretty nice though, just that thing he does!) he manages to drop it down. i hate it so much that it's depressing me this moment.
what else yeah?? my love life is still non existent to this moment. i hate it because of one reason >>> it separates those who have boyfriends to those who don't, they scamper off talking about those near sexual experiences and stuff like that. it's soo depresing, feeling left out again and again.
if i have another chance to move school, i would definitely take it. if only there were wayy better schools around here, i'll move in a second. *sighs*
our school wayyyyyyyyyyy too small.
our school is boring. nothings happening. oh, did i mention that there's absolutely no prom???? wth?
our school needs to have more discpline in schooling. it's wayy too freei gotta admit.
more damn interactions with the other schools. we're like, so left out.
i feel so damn left out sometimes that it's not even funny. i hate myself for not talking to people more often. i got to accept what's me and not me. i hate myself for not making new friends, but it's a tough bridge to cross. i can't interact like myself through talking. i sound like a complete loser and dork (in my opinion)
i gotta say it again. i hate myself for not having more friends x(
maybe i'm a loner. i used to like it but now, i'm starting to have sore regrets with it.
fck that. i need to start studying now.
judd apatow is a genius.
i want faster DSL.
i want money. even though it's a not sacred act to think about it.
i can't believe i just said that.