Attractive Today..

there are currently two songs thats swimming into my head recently. i hope it's not one of those songs that are already 'wasted' from pointless, childish and immature dreaming of them. i won't mention any of the good songs that are already wasted, but there...wasted you know?

anyways. the issue that's killing me right now. i hate myself for it. sometimes i wish i was like, the opposite of what i act around people. let's just say i'm not one of those who's bubbly and friendly personality tend to bring smiles on their faces. in fact, i'm opposite of that. that's why i only have a few close friends. that's why the hatrid from that one fact is beginning to grow, and i can't or won't or just whatever make friends easily. maybe i'm just saying this towards the people who i want to make friends. i dunno how to explain them. but i know i'll never be like them. i dunno. i dunno about this problem. sometimes i just want to punch myself for being this uncertain.

arggh, i seriously want to meet new people, and now i got this opputurnity, i just don't know what to do with it. now, when i'm writing about this, i feel okay, but then later, i know its just gonna fcking kill me.

i already wrote about this in my handwritten journal and now its already spittin out, i dunno what else to say but i hate myself for killing it.

i just hope everything concerning that will be just another notch of pointless worries. oh i hope.

i wish at the end of the day, i would be able to make some new friends.

you know what i'm afraid of? To let go of my shell. no wait, that came out wrong. what i'm afraid of is whether they'll accept me or not. i think, deep in my heart they will, but...i just don't know how to get there. the more i think about, the more worse and the more good i think it would be. one of my worst fears is either >> having to go in groups and i'll just be standing there while everone else picks their group. and i'll be one of the ones where the adult supervisors have to ask other groups if they could add one more. FCK, that's damn embaressing! i just got to freak out and let it go.

i hope.

sometimes it all happens when you least expect it. i'm doing my best to act 'least expected' yet deep in my heart i'm still watching and yearning.

what else?? oh, i think i'm developing a teensy crush on this cute soccer player. i fink my classmates dnt lyke him or somethin, but i fink he's kinda cute.

my ipod is running low on new songs at the moment. i'm waiting for my dad to install DSL ASAP!!! once i have it, i'll spend all my time downloading songs. the must-have song list is definitely piling up..

my stomach is starting to respond, currently, it shrunk around one n a half cm! slow proguess, huh? but i'm quite happy. later, i'm cuttin in the gym. its becoming more of a habit in these summer days.

gosh, connection is so bad this moment.

other reminders. >

* damnit! brazil and england has been wiped off the WORLD CUP. yup, i got a small dose of world cup fever. but now, both of my favorite teams are bolted off. so if i got to choose from one of the four final teams, i would pick germany, but i'm keeping my eye out for portugal *winks winks*