Get Busy Living or Die Trying..

What am I doing now?? Simply typing this. Before I had so much to tell you but now when I’m writing it, it all seems to sweep off my head. Apologies.
There are feelings where I want to take over the fear I have for making new friends. It creates an illusion where everything is going to be alright, and I have no problem making new friends there. But you can never be too sure, right? You’ll see whether I’ll have the courage or not in a few days.
I try and not let it be too much of a problem now. It will all come to me soon. I just have to be careful of not comparing what I stand in the social circle with my friends. And I’m not too sure that I can successfully do that.
There are tons of things that I want to try. But then it all seems out reach, financially or it’s unable to fulfill in the current moment. Hmm, what should I do? Swallow my pride and accept what has been given to me, I guess.
I hate it when I wak e up for no apparent reason and I can’t go back to sleep anymore. It makes my blood boil – literally.
I spent my late afternoon looking at old photographs. Only a few photographs I really liked – is it actually normal to feel guilty at yourself aged five or six for not remembering what is was like, cause it sort of felt like that. We had a huge trip where we went all over Europe for like, four or five weeks. It was swell – but I can’t remember almost anything at all!! I hate that feeling, it’s like you want to go there again and just savor everything there is. All I have left now is broken pieces of memory, which are only brought up in photographs. Now, considering the situation we are in right now, it might be a LONG time till we have any trips like that again.
The thing that I most feel guilty is the trip to London. I don’t want to say anything in particular – but overall I was like a little sensitive bitch which ruined it all. I matured in all those years and looking back of what I done, I wish I could scrape that and start again.
I want to travel again. One of my friends is going to America, lucky!!! Another one is actually going to school in the very place where I’m dying to go – Chicago! If I have to choose one place I’ll go for vacation, I’ll pick Chicago. Everything about it seems so interesting. The music, the people, the references, just everything. I have to go there someday. I want to go all over the world and just take photographs of everything. Mostly, I’ll like someone else to take black-and-white and sepia colored photos of me. One would be just laying back, enjoying the sweet smell of grass. Another one would be me looking at the sunset. Just sitting there and gazing of the little gratitudes of life. Another one would be at the beach – walking and the footprints behind while the waves are about to cover it up. I’d love to have pictures like that. If only your guardian angel could take graceful pictures like that. I hope I could have a chance like that in the near future. You know what they say, a picture is worth a thousand words – which is enough for my memories to last.
I might have an obsession – to look good at photographs. If you want an explanation, go look at those pictures where I’m gleeing with glee with my distinctive pout. Either that or I’m missing teeth or wearing a too small shirt.
Photographs. I’d like a collection of myself and another collection with my family and the last one with friends. That’s why every shining moments needs to have its picture taken.
Next time we go to a recreational place, I’ll definitely ask a photographer for hire to take those special candid moments.
I’m dying to go to places like Australia, USA, and Europe. Just anywhere there, I’d love the experience. Shopping, eating, sightseeing, just every single bit of that place. Now that I’m committed enough to memory, I want to fill it up with as much as I can. When I’m grown up, then I like to have the experience to explore the rest of the world. Traveling is swell.
I want to go to Chicago so badly. Soooooo badly.

The other experiences I would like to wish is to go to a flea market. Yup, a REAL flea market. I know there are tons out there, but there can never seem to be one in here. There was one around years ago and it was pretty fun. But I’d like to go to one where there just loads of unwanted treasures – vintage outfits and jewelry, music CDs, vinyls (I would die for one! Just the thought of buying cheap vinyls for around a dollar from great old artists excites me), and BOOKS. Yeah, I also like to go to secondhand stores and vintage stores as well because its been said that you can find a lot of great deals there with original written all over it!
Another one would go to many concerts of great artists – especially in America. Those underground local hip indie bands. Fall Out Boy – I would love to see them live but I’ll be like 25 before that will happen. Let’s just hope I’d like another one equally as them in the future.
Another one would go and see live music – a totally different sort, the ones filled with jazz, blues, and soul from a great legendary musician. Nothing crowded though, where you can just sit and feel the music come inside of you with nothing else in your mind.
THOSE are the things that I want to do before I leave this world. I have you breathing down my neck, breathing down my neck..