Teardrop
Happy Easters =)
Let me tell you a little story:
I felt glad that I know my limits. I’m glad that he knows it too..
A little worryness is creeping up to me. It never happened, but the reenactment did. It never really touched, but still I feel so worried. Can it actually seem in underwear?
I bet you know what I mean, by now
Today’s our first month anniversary. I’m be really really glad if he ACTUALLY remembers it. Let’s just see.
Sometimes I feel that I’m starting to get a lil excluded from my close friends. I don’t know why, it just doesn’t feel the same anymore since I went out with him. Sometimes I feel that I care too much about what my best friend thinks. Like, I know that (even though she won’t openly admit it) she’s sort of uncomfortable with it. From my POV, I think it’s because of two things:
His past. Yesh, this made me uncomfortable first. But in my heart I decided to just accept and embrace the fact that he’s a different person now. As what people said, he was just ‘misled’ in the wrong way.
I don’t know, if she sort judges him because of what he did in the past, then she should look in her past as well. I don’t know sometimes I think she’s too easy to judge other people.
2. We used to close friends. All three of us. We used to hangout a lot as friends. She’s worried that she’ll be the third wheel or something. I really want to tell (and I tried to!) her that she’ll always be my number one. Ho’s over bros, right?
I don’t know, sometimes I think that I always have to take care of her. She’s had multiple boyfriends and this is my first one. If she feels that she’s left out or something, I want her to remember the times whenever she sleptover in my house, she would call them for like, an hour or two and I would do something alone. I mean.. I don’t want to be the type of person that says, ‘hey this is fair’ or anything, but you know, I can’t help but feel excited for my first-ever boyfriend.
But in the end, I miss her. I hope she doesn’t move on or anything.
Next day
Yesterday. OMG. It should never go back to my mom, I swear. I just really hope that my driver will ever tell my mom what happened last night. Last night really freaked me out. Me and him were swimming alone, and then I noticed that the satpams were secretly spying at us. It was so annoying. I mean seriously, do they really know privacy? Jeez, but this should never go back to my mom, anyhow. I just hope that the satpams will shut their traps and pretend it never happened. I learned my lesson after that. Know my boundaries and hopefully it won’t happen anymore. What I should really tell myself over and over is that I shouldn’t push it. What I mean is that I shouldn’t mention swimming to him in the first place.
Sex changes almost everything in a relationship. The day before Easters, I came over to his house so we could cook something. Anyway, we went to his room and talked for awhile. The next thing we knew it, we were making out in his bed. Then yeah, one thing led to another and we were both topless and underneath the blankets. We did some stuff, but then once, he said, “I have a condom”. I was pretty quiet after awhile and then he got the feeling and said, ‘Nevermind I said that. I’m sorry.”
I feel so glad that I said no and he understood.
The fact that I had no curfew (cause my parents were out of town) allowed to experience the push of boundaries that I’ll probably never do when my parents are here. I’m glad my mom is coming home tonight. Things will be back in control, hopefully if the security guard keeps his mouth shut and forgets what happened at all. Privacy matters. Sometimes it’s okay to be crazy sometimes. This is my time. I won’t do something like that in the near future. I just hope that having a little fun like that didn’t mean for my parents to disown me or anything.
Hopefully. Hopefully. I’ll keep you updated because I’m scared to death.
Oh well. This would never happen thanks to my parents that enforced the 11 o’clock curfew. I should thank them for that. Last night I had a terrible dream. I remember that my two closest friends in the whole wide world obviously ditched me. I decided to confront my best friend and I remember saying something like, ‘Do you have something against me? If you do, just say so.” And then she did. She started saying all this things like, ‘You think you’re so pretty because you’re with him” and stuff like that. That freaked me out
Let me tell you a little story:
I felt glad that I know my limits. I’m glad that he knows it too..
A little worryness is creeping up to me. It never happened, but the reenactment did. It never really touched, but still I feel so worried. Can it actually seem in underwear?
I bet you know what I mean, by now
Today’s our first month anniversary. I’m be really really glad if he ACTUALLY remembers it. Let’s just see.
Sometimes I feel that I’m starting to get a lil excluded from my close friends. I don’t know why, it just doesn’t feel the same anymore since I went out with him. Sometimes I feel that I care too much about what my best friend thinks. Like, I know that (even though she won’t openly admit it) she’s sort of uncomfortable with it. From my POV, I think it’s because of two things:
His past. Yesh, this made me uncomfortable first. But in my heart I decided to just accept and embrace the fact that he’s a different person now. As what people said, he was just ‘misled’ in the wrong way.
I don’t know, if she sort judges him because of what he did in the past, then she should look in her past as well. I don’t know sometimes I think she’s too easy to judge other people.
2. We used to close friends. All three of us. We used to hangout a lot as friends. She’s worried that she’ll be the third wheel or something. I really want to tell (and I tried to!) her that she’ll always be my number one. Ho’s over bros, right?
I don’t know, sometimes I think that I always have to take care of her. She’s had multiple boyfriends and this is my first one. If she feels that she’s left out or something, I want her to remember the times whenever she sleptover in my house, she would call them for like, an hour or two and I would do something alone. I mean.. I don’t want to be the type of person that says, ‘hey this is fair’ or anything, but you know, I can’t help but feel excited for my first-ever boyfriend.
But in the end, I miss her. I hope she doesn’t move on or anything.
Next day
Yesterday. OMG. It should never go back to my mom, I swear. I just really hope that my driver will ever tell my mom what happened last night. Last night really freaked me out. Me and him were swimming alone, and then I noticed that the satpams were secretly spying at us. It was so annoying. I mean seriously, do they really know privacy? Jeez, but this should never go back to my mom, anyhow. I just hope that the satpams will shut their traps and pretend it never happened. I learned my lesson after that. Know my boundaries and hopefully it won’t happen anymore. What I should really tell myself over and over is that I shouldn’t push it. What I mean is that I shouldn’t mention swimming to him in the first place.
Sex changes almost everything in a relationship. The day before Easters, I came over to his house so we could cook something. Anyway, we went to his room and talked for awhile. The next thing we knew it, we were making out in his bed. Then yeah, one thing led to another and we were both topless and underneath the blankets. We did some stuff, but then once, he said, “I have a condom”. I was pretty quiet after awhile and then he got the feeling and said, ‘Nevermind I said that. I’m sorry.”
I feel so glad that I said no and he understood.
The fact that I had no curfew (cause my parents were out of town) allowed to experience the push of boundaries that I’ll probably never do when my parents are here. I’m glad my mom is coming home tonight. Things will be back in control, hopefully if the security guard keeps his mouth shut and forgets what happened at all. Privacy matters. Sometimes it’s okay to be crazy sometimes. This is my time. I won’t do something like that in the near future. I just hope that having a little fun like that didn’t mean for my parents to disown me or anything.
Hopefully. Hopefully. I’ll keep you updated because I’m scared to death.
Oh well. This would never happen thanks to my parents that enforced the 11 o’clock curfew. I should thank them for that. Last night I had a terrible dream. I remember that my two closest friends in the whole wide world obviously ditched me. I decided to confront my best friend and I remember saying something like, ‘Do you have something against me? If you do, just say so.” And then she did. She started saying all this things like, ‘You think you’re so pretty because you’re with him” and stuff like that. That freaked me out
posted by Jellybean at 8:48 PM
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