Beat It..

so much things to do. so little time.

so much homework, yet i've concentrated so much of my time looking for a suitable venue for prom. i've wasted my pulsa calling several different hotels and inquiring for several different deals and all that.

this is is the business world that i'm getting my first taste. and i'm loving it. despite dealing with several people and their opinions. i mean, seriously, i don't want to like complain about my best friend but sometimes i just have a feeling that she wants to see me fail for some reason. i don't know, but i just feel far away from her, and she has like, no intention of rekindling our relationship. i guess it's like we're drifting away.

I don’t know why on Earth was I feeling super, absolutely the ‘h word’ yesterday. I just wanted him to be there. I just wanted to like, jump on him, like seriously.
Hahaha, anyway the night ended quite badly. I mean, I think we’re not going to fool around for any time longer. Apparently, the satpams (as they call it here) caught us like, ‘in the middle of the act’ which was so f-in embaressing. He got super pissed and I had to like, stop him from doing anything stupid. He was all like, ‘I’m gonna beat their asses’ and all that.
When it was all finally over, the feeling of guilt started to overcome me. I was in a position where the whole pregnancy scare could have been possible. This time, I doubt it, but still. Another thing that’s coming back to taunt me is the whole situation whether my mom will find out from those darn satpams. Finally last night we sort of had a confrontation with them, and I told them but not in a pleading way to like, ‘OK, we’ll stop but don’t tell anyone, because we have privacy as well’ and they’re all like, ‘Yes yes, we won’t tell anyone’. Seriously, if they do…
Anyway, I already overcome my pregnancy scare last time. But now, the chances are pretty slim and I know we’re not going to do that anytime soon.
Sometimes my thoughts usually contradict me. But I keep telling myself that I’m in the prime of my youth and I should enjoy it as much as I can. You know, have fun?
Sometimes I feel that I’m not satisfying him, but he’s being a real sweetie about it. He was like, “If you don’t feel comfortable, just tell me. It’s alright.”
Last night made me realize. I’m not sure if I decided that I’m ready or anything, but I just want to make sure that everything goes out smoothly. I’m not saying that I want it to be perfect or anything, but I just don’t want to get pregnant or anything.
I think I’m a Liberal Catholic. I don’t know if there’s such thing, but I really love God. I believe with every inch of my body, but then, my thoughts on some topics are still lighthearted. I think He’s given us much more freedom than some people might expect.
I don’t know. I’m just giving in my two cents.
It’s very highly unlikely.
Let me do my homework and continue stressing about PROM.