When It's Over..

Time flies by so fast.
It's almost time to say goodbye to everyone. everything.
I can't stop talking about it in this blog. I'm scared I might even start repeating things again.
Despite all the huss and fuss, the prom is still going its way. We just need to sell enough tickets so that we can get by. Something tells me despite the nights worrying and whatnot, it'll all be okay. The prom is going to be great :) *cross my fingers and hold it tight*
Jeez, my mom can be a moodkiller sometimes. Something from the Breakfast Club had always been a part of this philosophical thing. When
I remember during one night, I forgot to put my phone on silent during the night. And the ringtone for it was AVA's 'Everything's Magic' and someone sent me a message in the middle of the night. I was listening to the song for awhile, and then it hit me. Suddenly. Lately, I've been starting to let the reality kick in. Sometimes it feels exciting, but the times where it just, keeps you silent. The only thing that I really don't like about moving from Jakarta is because of one person.
I'll always remember him. I know I'll get over him, but at the same time.
I'll keep on to that promise you told me. One day, if he becomes a billionare or whatnot, he'll take me to Paris or France or whatever. I recorded the promise :P
I really believe in fate. Serendipity. If things are supposed to be what they are, it will find a way back to each other. Man, I really want to watch that movie again. That movie was awesome =) Anything with John Cusack.
I just have to distract myself.
Man, I haven't done anything except worry, worry, and more worrying about school, him, and everything. I guess life goes on in a fastly pace and I have been doing a lot of procrastination.

Sempurna..

Whoa, less than two more weeks till this blog is will go on no longer.
I declare him my first love <3
We'll see whether fate with bring us together or it was just a dream that made both of us experience things to broaden our minds. We found someone to confide in almost everything. We found someone who accepted who were no matter what. It's definitely something not simple to explain.
I'll always remember him. The day I said yes was a challenge from the start. I didn't want to think it was serious as first, honestly, but then I fell head over heels.
I'll miss him. The first few days will definitely be the hardest. But then that day will come. Where I'll wake up in the morning, and feel relief. That I had something so awesome. Even though it isn't something that I can see in front of me, it'll always be something that'll be close to my memories <3
We'll see each other.
Maybe this time wasn't just the right time. Maybe it'll continue later on. Maybe things will change. Maybe we'll sit down somewhere and have coffee while we talk and laugh about everything. Maybe we'll stay friends. There's soo many plentiful maybes
As much as I hope it is, the world is definitely not small. There's so much things to experience in the world and yet we think we know, but seriously, we have no idea.
I remember lying down on the bed with you, and we had that talk. That talk. That hurt so much, you know, like peeling off a band-aid. We had to prepare for it, but all I wish is that the bruising will stop soon.
I hope that Ateneo will accept me. Even though I'm not one of the usual, I am hoping they'll accept me for my differences. Let's just see what happens. In the meantime, me need some developing tough skin to do.

London Bridge..

Maybe someday, we will have our day.. will you wait for me?
Verse to Bridges - Seem to Lose..

Crap. Time speeds by so fast, huh? So many people have
There are two current things that I'm worried about (again)
1. PROM - WTF? 3 days, and we only sold like 3 tickets? Jeez, people! Right now, the more I think about it, the more stressed I get about it. I'm fcking worried whether we'll able to get the money enough. Right now, we're only relying on donations and all that, and so far, it doesn't seem that good. OMFG. Please pray :(
2. LOVE. Long-distance? Open relationship? I absolutely have no idea, but yeah. Someday, I know I'll get over him (hopefully), but it'll be hard. He's probably my first love. Maybe I could say that we can be together in the future, probably after college, but I don't know. Let fate decide what's going to happen.
I really hate it the transition period. Like I said before, my attitude changes a lot. One moment I can't wait to experience a new life finally, but then 5 minutes later, I get into this really unbelievably depressing stage because I'm actually leaving Jakarta, you know? So I'm like, torn between two sides. :(
And I haven't been the same person like I was lately. Ever since I got together with him, I've experienced things that probably I shouldn't have been, but then again, life is short and I just want to experience YOUTH. I don't want to not do anything I would regret, you know?
My stomach is officially humongous. Time to workout.
In college, I made a promise to myself that I'm going to workout. I mean, seriously, I hate the fact that there will no longer be a gym downstairs anymore.

Cruel to Be Kind..

I hate the idea of long-distance relationships.
Open relationships?
Instead of doing my homework, I'm actually 'researching' about this in the internet. It may not seem seem serious when I type about it (maybe it's the attitude change, but I dunno really)
Maybe, as much as I don't want it to happen, maybe breaking it off is the best thing to do. I don't want any heartaches anymore when I move, even though I actually expect it.
I already dried my tears and hoped for the best. Whatever happens, happens. If it was actually meant to be, let fate takes its course. I strongly believe in faith, and that our lives are already planned out right from the beginning. And if it's actually meant to be then we'll see each other in probably five years or so. If not, five years from now I could be looking at this and nostalgic thoughts would come up about my first real love.
In the meantime, stay away from all the love songs and romanticisms.
As the Beatles have said it over and over again, let it be.
And he owes me a trip to Paris =)

Keep Breathing..

I changed my keyboard.
I have my old bad habits back.
I haven't went to the gym in the longest time.
I think I'm PMS-ing.
My stomach is all bloated.
I try to do all these things in once [school, projects, student council, friends, boyfriend, family] juggling and balancing them all but sometimes it just doesn't feel the same like it was.
And I'm leaving in a couple of weeks.
A part of me wants a new life. A part of me wants to say goodbye to my home, and find myself towards a new surrounding. Treasure everything this place has given me. It made me realize how time can be really short. Sometimes you want it to speed up, but then sometimes you just want it to slow down. If we had the power to control how time works, imagine how different things would be.
Jakarta may have its FLAWs, but it'll always be my home :)
Better start moving forawrd instead of going backwards if you know what I mean :P

Everything..

Fuck, organizing prom is so stressing.
I'm scared shiteless about what other people would think because the hotel that we picked might have some 'controversies', if you know what I mean.
We might have to start moving on a fast pace because time is running out fast. There are some critics out there but you know what, I don't care. I should keep focused on the job that needs to be done.
Let me be honest with you:
*I can't think about my prom dress, let alone how I'm going to do my makeup and hair with all of this going on
* You see, what I said before, I'm stuck between two places. One is almost out of our budget, but it's considered safe, you know? The other one, is really on our budget but the big problem is the location. If we can get a good price for the transportation cost (one of my friends has an idea that if parents are too worried about the location, we should hire a bus so the people that may want to meet up in school can go through there.) I hate the location of that place. Stupid location.
* Other than that, I don't seem to think we have any other problem with that. Other than getting the word out and making sure that people know the details about it.
* I hate having to have like, plan our prom on a budget. We really haven't done anything that could have given us revenue so that was a main issue in this.
You know what, I've been thinking about this way over my head. I just really want to make a good prom (despite our measly little budget). I just am really worried about what other people may think, you know?
I really hate worrying about this.
Jeez, make it stop! :(
Now it's the time where the reality kicks in. Whoa, I'm like really leaving. I already had most of my bags and shirts and other stuff packed and ready to go. It's going to be one more month and then it's all over.
I hate leaving my boyfriend and my friends as well. Jakarta will always be my home, despite a few obvious flaws, you know?
But it'll be a great chance to start over your life you know?
Things with my best friend is alright. Sometimes I get annoyed by her but sometimes it's okay. I guess this was the time where I don't feel as close as I was to her anymore. I mean, I could tell her everything and not REALLY have to worry about what she thinks. But now, I just.. don't want to, you know? I think she feels the same way as well.
Sometimes I imagine that in the future, maybe after a year of college, we all come back for a high school reunion. Everyone in our class is there. He'll be there, and he'll find me so irreristible that we ge together for one night.
It may not seem as romantic as it may seem, but I can't really explain it in words.

I really need to start working out ASAP. My stomach :(

I'll Be Seeing You..

tEither I'm really paranoid or something, but I think things are starting to become really different. I don't know whether I'm allowing it to overcome my head, or that it's just the way it is.

Take my best friend for example. Like I said before, sometimes I feel that she's not happy because I have a relationship. It's totally not because she's jealous or anything, it's like, I have something that she doesn't. Sometimes I feel she's totally alright with it, but then there are times where it isn't. Sometimes I feel left out. :( Like wasn't as close to her as I was before. I guess I have to get comfortable with it, you know, balancing things equally, but let me tell you, it's pretty hard sometimes.

And even though I'm pretty much annoyed with him and his friends because of last night, on his way from dropping me home, his friends were there. And they were teasing him about his major major celebrity crush for like the longest time. And it doesn't even seem to hit him that his current gf was actually there. Like I was simply thin air. Maybe it's a guy thing. Like, he didn't even make an effort to like, close the damn stereo. All he did was like, lower the volume for like 5 seconds and then put it back on. It's like he wanted it. I wasn pretending to be asleep but I heard every word. And then one of them just had to 'wake' me up.

Sometimes they're okay, sometimes they're just plain annoying. I mean, you know, typical guys. I've shed tears because of them, but you know, I just have to wipe them and let life go on. Immature is what they are. Like in front of other girls, they're all like, opposite of what they really are. My bestie was right. Jeez.

You know sometimes I just wish there was an actual 'gentleman' who was hot, smart, and just plain charismatic towards the girls. That should set an example for them. I don't know, let M find a new awesome guy, another hot guy comes and starts liking me and stuff, you know, just to get them realize how damn immature they are.

I don't know, my boyfriend does a lot, he says a lot, sometimes he acts a lot, but sometimes it doesn't feel enough. I don't want to tell him this, I just want him to realize it. Last night, after I shed some tears, I would like to imagine how a gentleman would treat me. You know, tell me how beautiful I am, how he loves me so much, strokes my hair (before I actually strokes his), wraps his arms around me, and all that. Whatever I do FIRST, I'll get it back SECONDLY.

I know it's just a celebrity crush, but still. I remember the time; it was sometime around last year and he was head over heels madly infatuated with her. Yes, yes I know I felt like that towards another specific celebrity but I didn't publicly announce to everyone. Everyone knew about mine, but it wasn't as bad as his.

He smsed me this morning, but I figured I don't reply. I just feel so lazy after what happened last night. After that night, I figured I let myself go head over heels after him, and I should start putting more important things such as school, friends, family first over him.

The next day.
You know what, I'm going to stop talking about my love life. It seems so, unnecessary and loved-up. Let's just say that we had a fight last night, and we both (yes, he cried) ended up crying on the phone. I don't want to get into details, but things now are okay. I guess I could be really sensitive and stubborn at the same time which makes it a double punch, but I respect, I mean really love it that he can actually put up with that. Last night, I asked him whether we should stop it before it gets deeply serious, and he didn't want to. I kept on reminding him that it'll be 100 million times harder when we actually leave, but he said, yeah, I'll take it, if it means spending more time with you. I can't believe he cried last night, I mean, like almost really hard.
I dunno, after that night, I feel so much closer to him than I ever was before. Right now, I'm going to try and not think about anything sexual, because I have to admit, I usually do that. I just need to focus on how awesome he is to talk to and be around with.
Today, he visited me. We went to his car and just hung out. He played me the song he wrote for me..it's called the 'Jellybean Song'. I guess that was probably the most sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. I'm always going to remember when I was in the front seat and he climbed in the back to get the guitar. When he got it, he started playing the song. I was facing at front, I didn't want to look at the back. First, I was like, okay, he's singing this really sweet song. But then, when I started listening to the lyrics, I remember one in particular, it sort of goes, 'I remember when we looked at the stars, I remember when you kissed me..' I was like, trying so damn hard to hold it all in, but after awhile, the tears started streaming down my face. When he was done, I looked back, with my face all teary, and then we started hugging. I kept on saying, 'Thank you, thank you so much'.
I'll never ever forget about that. I just want to put it in words before it all goes away...
<3