I'll Be Seeing You..
tEither I'm really paranoid or something, but I think things are starting to become really different. I don't know whether I'm allowing it to overcome my head, or that it's just the way it is.
Take my best friend for example. Like I said before, sometimes I feel that she's not happy because I have a relationship. It's totally not because she's jealous or anything, it's like, I have something that she doesn't. Sometimes I feel she's totally alright with it, but then there are times where it isn't. Sometimes I feel left out. :( Like wasn't as close to her as I was before. I guess I have to get comfortable with it, you know, balancing things equally, but let me tell you, it's pretty hard sometimes.
And even though I'm pretty much annoyed with him and his friends because of last night, on his way from dropping me home, his friends were there. And they were teasing him about his major major celebrity crush for like the longest time. And it doesn't even seem to hit him that his current gf was actually there. Like I was simply thin air. Maybe it's a guy thing. Like, he didn't even make an effort to like, close the damn stereo. All he did was like, lower the volume for like 5 seconds and then put it back on. It's like he wanted it. I wasn pretending to be asleep but I heard every word. And then one of them just had to 'wake' me up.
Sometimes they're okay, sometimes they're just plain annoying. I mean, you know, typical guys. I've shed tears because of them, but you know, I just have to wipe them and let life go on. Immature is what they are. Like in front of other girls, they're all like, opposite of what they really are. My bestie was right. Jeez.
You know sometimes I just wish there was an actual 'gentleman' who was hot, smart, and just plain charismatic towards the girls. That should set an example for them. I don't know, let M find a new awesome guy, another hot guy comes and starts liking me and stuff, you know, just to get them realize how damn immature they are.
I don't know, my boyfriend does a lot, he says a lot, sometimes he acts a lot, but sometimes it doesn't feel enough. I don't want to tell him this, I just want him to realize it. Last night, after I shed some tears, I would like to imagine how a gentleman would treat me. You know, tell me how beautiful I am, how he loves me so much, strokes my hair (before I actually strokes his), wraps his arms around me, and all that. Whatever I do FIRST, I'll get it back SECONDLY.
I know it's just a celebrity crush, but still. I remember the time; it was sometime around last year and he was head over heels madly infatuated with her. Yes, yes I know I felt like that towards another specific celebrity but I didn't publicly announce to everyone. Everyone knew about mine, but it wasn't as bad as his.
He smsed me this morning, but I figured I don't reply. I just feel so lazy after what happened last night. After that night, I figured I let myself go head over heels after him, and I should start putting more important things such as school, friends, family first over him.
The next day.
You know what, I'm going to stop talking about my love life. It seems so, unnecessary and loved-up. Let's just say that we had a fight last night, and we both (yes, he cried) ended up crying on the phone. I don't want to get into details, but things now are okay. I guess I could be really sensitive and stubborn at the same time which makes it a double punch, but I respect, I mean really love it that he can actually put up with that. Last night, I asked him whether we should stop it before it gets deeply serious, and he didn't want to. I kept on reminding him that it'll be 100 million times harder when we actually leave, but he said, yeah, I'll take it, if it means spending more time with you. I can't believe he cried last night, I mean, like almost really hard.
I dunno, after that night, I feel so much closer to him than I ever was before. Right now, I'm going to try and not think about anything sexual, because I have to admit, I usually do that. I just need to focus on how awesome he is to talk to and be around with.
Today, he visited me. We went to his car and just hung out. He played me the song he wrote for me..it's called the 'Jellybean Song'. I guess that was probably the most sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. I'm always going to remember when I was in the front seat and he climbed in the back to get the guitar. When he got it, he started playing the song. I was facing at front, I didn't want to look at the back. First, I was like, okay, he's singing this really sweet song. But then, when I started listening to the lyrics, I remember one in particular, it sort of goes, 'I remember when we looked at the stars, I remember when you kissed me..' I was like, trying so damn hard to hold it all in, but after awhile, the tears started streaming down my face. When he was done, I looked back, with my face all teary, and then we started hugging. I kept on saying, 'Thank you, thank you so much'.
I'll never ever forget about that. I just want to put it in words before it all goes away...
<3
Take my best friend for example. Like I said before, sometimes I feel that she's not happy because I have a relationship. It's totally not because she's jealous or anything, it's like, I have something that she doesn't. Sometimes I feel she's totally alright with it, but then there are times where it isn't. Sometimes I feel left out. :( Like wasn't as close to her as I was before. I guess I have to get comfortable with it, you know, balancing things equally, but let me tell you, it's pretty hard sometimes.
And even though I'm pretty much annoyed with him and his friends because of last night, on his way from dropping me home, his friends were there. And they were teasing him about his major major celebrity crush for like the longest time. And it doesn't even seem to hit him that his current gf was actually there. Like I was simply thin air. Maybe it's a guy thing. Like, he didn't even make an effort to like, close the damn stereo. All he did was like, lower the volume for like 5 seconds and then put it back on. It's like he wanted it. I wasn pretending to be asleep but I heard every word. And then one of them just had to 'wake' me up.
Sometimes they're okay, sometimes they're just plain annoying. I mean, you know, typical guys. I've shed tears because of them, but you know, I just have to wipe them and let life go on. Immature is what they are. Like in front of other girls, they're all like, opposite of what they really are. My bestie was right. Jeez.
You know sometimes I just wish there was an actual 'gentleman' who was hot, smart, and just plain charismatic towards the girls. That should set an example for them. I don't know, let M find a new awesome guy, another hot guy comes and starts liking me and stuff, you know, just to get them realize how damn immature they are.
I don't know, my boyfriend does a lot, he says a lot, sometimes he acts a lot, but sometimes it doesn't feel enough. I don't want to tell him this, I just want him to realize it. Last night, after I shed some tears, I would like to imagine how a gentleman would treat me. You know, tell me how beautiful I am, how he loves me so much, strokes my hair (before I actually strokes his), wraps his arms around me, and all that. Whatever I do FIRST, I'll get it back SECONDLY.
I know it's just a celebrity crush, but still. I remember the time; it was sometime around last year and he was head over heels madly infatuated with her. Yes, yes I know I felt like that towards another specific celebrity but I didn't publicly announce to everyone. Everyone knew about mine, but it wasn't as bad as his.
He smsed me this morning, but I figured I don't reply. I just feel so lazy after what happened last night. After that night, I figured I let myself go head over heels after him, and I should start putting more important things such as school, friends, family first over him.
The next day.
You know what, I'm going to stop talking about my love life. It seems so, unnecessary and loved-up. Let's just say that we had a fight last night, and we both (yes, he cried) ended up crying on the phone. I don't want to get into details, but things now are okay. I guess I could be really sensitive and stubborn at the same time which makes it a double punch, but I respect, I mean really love it that he can actually put up with that. Last night, I asked him whether we should stop it before it gets deeply serious, and he didn't want to. I kept on reminding him that it'll be 100 million times harder when we actually leave, but he said, yeah, I'll take it, if it means spending more time with you. I can't believe he cried last night, I mean, like almost really hard.
I dunno, after that night, I feel so much closer to him than I ever was before. Right now, I'm going to try and not think about anything sexual, because I have to admit, I usually do that. I just need to focus on how awesome he is to talk to and be around with.
Today, he visited me. We went to his car and just hung out. He played me the song he wrote for me..it's called the 'Jellybean Song'. I guess that was probably the most sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. I'm always going to remember when I was in the front seat and he climbed in the back to get the guitar. When he got it, he started playing the song. I was facing at front, I didn't want to look at the back. First, I was like, okay, he's singing this really sweet song. But then, when I started listening to the lyrics, I remember one in particular, it sort of goes, 'I remember when we looked at the stars, I remember when you kissed me..' I was like, trying so damn hard to hold it all in, but after awhile, the tears started streaming down my face. When he was done, I looked back, with my face all teary, and then we started hugging. I kept on saying, 'Thank you, thank you so much'.
I'll never ever forget about that. I just want to put it in words before it all goes away...
<3
posted by Jellybean at 8:59 PM
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