Set Me Free..

Just finished checking this blog. It's pretty weird overall. The colors sort of clash, and the only thing that I really done was just change the paragraphs and sentences that weren't visible in the first place. It's really odd - some paragraphs that have the exact same font and color and all can still be visible. Am probably boring you out, so I'll just move on the next subject.
It's IMLEK today. I'll probably just use this day to download even more songs and probably go to ITC to get Lost Season 2 and Desperate Housewives as well. Ooh, can't wait!! I also need to do my homework and all. Call me crazy, but I'm gonna start studying hard again - if I don't have much distractions, that is!
I'm still reading 'Catcher On The Rye' by...I should really start remembering the author's names...J.D Salinger!! It's pretty different to what I usually read - more real in a salicious (is that the right word) way. It has loads of curses and all, but I find myself enjoying it in some way. It's like those feelings that you really can't put down in words are expressed by the main character. It's pretty awesome. I totally liked the way how the main character expresses his dislike for movies and acting and all that. Because it all seems fake. It's like, they're paid to do that. And all that. I don't know, it's pretty hard to explain. But I suggest you read that book whenever you have time. Another book that I'm looking forward to read is 'Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs'. Oooh, and Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons. I did sort of read it, but then I stopped for some reason. It's time to get all book-wormy again! okay, that sounded weird.
Hmm, don't know really what to say. Something new that I haven't said yet.
Umm, this thing has been bothering me for awhile. It's odd that in *oh great, don't tell me it's raining right now*. Anyways, it's like one thing that's dreading you really comes over you, you know what I mean. Like, for instance, your father hadn't paid your school bills yet for more than a couple of months and you still go to school, while a friend of yours hadn't as well, and she's not going to school for some reason, and then, this constant fear comes going into me that one of the teachers would stop me in front of my friends and demand to pay the bills or something. Or that the financial department would call my father advising me to stay home until he pays the bills. Oh, for Pete's sake, I blame this all not to my father *even though I've been quite grouchy* but to those stupid people who haven't collected the money yet. It sucks. Why can't people just pay in time, you know? I think this wasn't the first it happened. Like, my dad is the doormat, and they get to pay him whenever they want. Why can't they just have a fucking deadline? It'll all make us damn happy. Stupid people. I hope their karma gets them. ARGGHHHH!
I can tell you this isn't the first time it happened. It happened quite a number of times, like during the holidays, I have to get my report card later than other people because my parents didn't have the money up the time. I hate it. It's really fucking annoying. I don't want to say those two stupid words that label this. I'm just really pissed right now. ARGGGH, just thinking of it makes me even more pissed by the second. Fuck them. Seriously.
I know that cursing at them isn't going to help them paying my father, but seriously, does any business people out there have morality nowadays?? Cause I can't surely find any of them!
I wish I was like Peyton. I know it sounds weird to idolize a fictional character but you know. I bet she's financially secure (I know it sounded stupid just saying that) and she has a huge talent in art and she's highly individualistic. She's not afraid to be herself and everyone loves her for that. She's sort of rebel, but once you become her friend, she's very loyal to you. She's not afraid to step up to protect her friend from whoever, and she's really strong inside. Her mom had supposedly died and even though there are some days where she wants to break apart, she keeps it strong for most days. She has a great relationship with her dad, unlike mine. Lately, I've been noticing that my father doesn't really say 'I love you' to me. It hasn't been a problem since recently. It sucks. And then, he doesn't ask, 'How's school?' or 'Are you okay?. I usually ask him random questions just to break the ice. Gosh, why does it have to be always me first? If I want a guy to like me, I always have to make the fucking first move. It's depressing just making me think of it. And if I want more friends, I have to ask them the first question first. And then it ends up making that person giving me the cold shoulder. Arghh, why do I have to make the first of everything? The world is against me, I can feel it. And if I don't do it, nothing is going to turn out right, I swear. The only way that I could turn it almost exactly right is in my head. That's probably the only thing that's going right of all these times. My imagination. Somehow, it makes me feel better. But it sounds sort of pathetic that the only way I could be truly happy is only in my fucking head. I know I should be telling myself, "No, you GOT GOT GOT to do it FIRST, and it'll just fucking go right." But I sometimes think, "Why can't the world just cut me some slack? Can I just sometimes let the world open me up and just let me in?" Good Gosh.
Could you tell I'm in a totally bad mood. Fuck this. Fuck the world. It's such a polluted and messed up with *money* in everyone's heads. Full of corruption and everyone is just thinking about showing off with all their money and...arggh, it's so depressing, it could almost kill me.
Ode to those stupid clients. You made me feel like this. Three fucking cheers to youse guys. Well, you can't really say three cheers for sweet revenge, can you?!
I'll give my kidney that some of these texts won't show. so much for my hardwork.