Lonely Day..

It’s such a shame that there are actually people out there that really say harsh things and all towards other people. It’s not called bullying *well, it is, sortof*, but it’s some sort of harsh teasing. And feeling left out. I hate feeling like that. Yet everyday, some days sort of better than the others, I feel even more lonelier than the past one. It’s sort of hard to explain. I think I need more friends. But the thing is, I think I’m one of those people who manage to maintain seriously close friendships with a few people than make friends really really easily. I really want to be in the middle of it, have tons of friends, yet I can talk to them real easily and all. I won’t give off an anti-social aura, you know what I mean? I’m starting to think about that.
The more I feel like that in this school, the more I’m thinking and considering of moving to another school, in the Philippines. My biggest fear is not fitting in there – my main language is English, them is probably Tagalog. It’s hard to communicate and all. I am starting to wonder whether if moving to an international school in Philippines will be good? Will I be able to fit in? My gut feeling tells me so, but then I don’t think I have the money to go there. Life is so complicated right now. I’ve gone over leaps, but then I stumble and fall a lot of times. The more I leap, it feels even more better than the last one, but then the stumbling and the falling hurts just as much. It gets more painful and stronger whilst it gets more success and happiness at the same time.
Soccer tournament. We didn’t go in, but we did quite well in the last game, 6-1. The team that were being sort of bad sports, well actually, just some of them, I guess. But they started to play really rough, it was pretty brutal for some of us. Some of us got pinched (yes, girls playing it rough can get so brutal, pinching is always involved) and some of us got named bad stuff and laughed a little bit. It’s pretty weird.
It sucks being a teenager sometimes. If I ever got a chance to go back being one, I would never be one. One stumble is much too painful for another one again.
This hand behind this keyboard relives a failure everyday. >>> the best sentence in the world, in my opinion.
I think I’m becoming sort of materialistic. I don’t exactly know what it means, but I think it sort of means thinking of materials or possessions a lot. I mean, it’s another complicated thing that’s dancing around my head for quite some time. It’s like, I think my friends consider me as the person who has the DVDs, movies, music, or whatever. They don’t really mind that much regarding my feelings or something. There may be quite a chance I might be strongly misundserstood or whatever. Maybe my mind’s been playing tricks on me. I hate it when that happens.
Random thoughts for today >>>
· I can’t believe this guy in my class punched another guy. It was during P.E, and I don’t know, it was a small incident that led to a big one. OMG, it was really weird. The guy that punched had blood all over his place. I’m dead serious. Like it was dripping on his face, his hands, his shoes, it was damn scary. I still can’t believe it happened. That guy seriously has some weird issues. It’s weird, you know. I mean, for instance, people always have different perspectives on other people, and that one thing distinguishes the actions we act towards them. I mean, people bully other people because they think they’re ‘weak’, or they don’t fit into their ‘standards’. It’s like a huge circle, and the people who are in are in, and the people who are out, they get treated with disrespect. I gotta admit, I admired the guy who got punched. He was regularly teased for being, ‘feminine’. But the other girls and me realize how nice he was. I guess he was too nice for the guys. Yes, he has faults, I won’t mention them here, but who else doesn’t? I guess because of his physical appearances, he gets judged instantly without knowing his personality. It’s sort of ironic, right after that, the guy who punched him, when he came back at the class, he tried being all normal. I guess you can say it was pretty damn awkward. And then, after school, he starts talking to the guy who he punched normally. Seriously, I think that was the first real talk they ever had. I think they were talking about planes or something. But it’s quite happy and sad at the same time. You know why? It was because they realized they had something they could talk about it, but that thing itself took someone to get punched happen. You know what I mean? I personally hope it gets better soon. But that doesn’t mean it’s going to be stopped.
· Whoa, I can’t believe I just wrote that. It’s one of the ‘personal thoughts leaking out of my mind’ articles. I’m seriously thinking of sending it to myjellybean.com anonymously, to test whether it’s really something that people may be able to read.
· Another random thought(s)
· I’m not upset anymore, but still, it would be better if she could apologize sincerely. It may happen, it may not.
· I’m in charge of designing the ticket and poster for the Valentine’s Dance we’re having next week. I hope I can do it well.
· While there are bad things in life, it doesn’t mean that you should shut out the good things as well J
· I think I’m spending too much time on the internet. Oh yeah, that encounter with my dad at Sunday. It was really harsh. I remember thinking, “I’m DEAD SERIOUS, I will beat him. I will get a better life than him. I’m going to work my hardest and have a way better life than him. How could he do this to me?” I know it seems dead harsh, I kept on thinking that I’m not going to change my mind. But it’s true, time cleanses. I’m not mad at him anymore, and I’m beginning to try to understand. I’m still going to stop doing all the useless use of internet, but I would still download songs from time to time. I’ll just have to stop using it everyday, I guess. I need to find other things to fulfill my boredom after school. Things to do >>>> read books, listen to music, write in my journal, talk to friends (oh yeah, the phone conversations I’ve had had decreased dramatically), weep and wallow, draw, clean, and watch stuff.
· One last thing. Funny thing. I heard my dad talking to my mom last night, and he said something about getting a job offer in Saudi Arabia, and from what I can conclude, maybe it paid way better than his company is currently getting now, and the guy who maybe had offered him asked his CV and all, but then, he started saying something like, “well, it’s not worth it, is it?” and “suddenly, money doesn’t seem so important anymore” That was the most awesomest thing my dad ever said yet.
I can’t but I need to share Pete Wentz with other people. Hahahahah. I wonder, is there a guy out there that’s almost exactly like him? I want him! I need him!