XO..

arggh..
i hate this. i can't really say it right now but it's just sooo annoying. i have a weird sleeping pattern - it embraces the fantasy and rejects what reality has to offer. seriously. i really hate this. magbe it's just the bad mood, the sound of settling into it, but still. it's like there's nothing left to live for, well, maybe there is, but it won't be as better as what you imagined for it.
simply like grabbing for something that seems like a thousand miles away.
arggh. i hate this. i hate all of this. maybe it's because i'm a totally stubborn bitch - the bad mood is kicking in.
my sleeping pattern currently leaving both the light and TV while i sleep. i don't know, i can't fall asleep easily. i hate it. i can't fall asleep without the noise, but then the noise itself makes me wake up eventually later. and like, every two hours or so i wake up, look at the clock, and congratulate myself for sleeping. i sound like dork when i tell that to you but it's the real truth. i really hate it.
and i think my IQ is dropping. there's nothing really that i'm supposed to be learning in my brain right now, it's mostly just....musique..fall out boy..pete wentz..musique..musique..a little on movies..exercising..losing calories..whatnot.
i don't like my school. i want to move, but due to some awkward situations regarding money and social life..i think it won't work out. but seriously, if there's any school that seems BETTER than this school i'm currently in, i really want to move. social life, it's currently just BORING. i want to try new things, like volunteer as an intern in daycare. you know, help take care babies, help them eat and clean up. it all seems really interesting to me. and what else? i want to definitely take guitar lessons. and donate blood at least once. i want to start get moving on with my life.
i want to be swimming into more excitement in this mud of BOREDOM.
i feel so cranky and tired when i wake up. seriously, my weird sleeping pattern has to go.
i can't wait to to MANGGA DUA todayy! first, i got to go to school and watch the premiere of a movie. then, i'm going there. seriously, i want to check on some new clothes, besides the usual DVDs.
i think i'm just wasting my time here.
oh well, better write some more.
so i made a mini checklist of what i should do during my summer vacation

• get some therapeutic shopping.
• new clothes
• new accessories - maybe a scarf or sunglasses
• read on some new books for crying out loud. my IQ is seriously dropping. it's not even funny.
• study on some SATS.
• get myspace and xanga up and running - show me the HTML
• shop
• shop
• shop
• probably won't do a lot of shopping as much as i can because of the fucking money situation
• spend quality time with my family and friends
• make new friends
• arghh..just be happier, you know????????

ooh and get braces as well.. i also want a manicure before i leave but who's going to temenin me?? maybe i'll ask one of my friends..i don't know yet though..