Follow Through...

Sometimes I think that my mom is working too hard.

Seriously, this morning I heard her talking about it with one of her friends through the phone, like she can’t help it or something. I don’t know. I get annoyed when I see her work too much, but I feel helpless. Like there’s nothing I can do.

But that gave me a lesson. I realized how different we are. She’s more on the pessimistic, while I’m the opposite. I try to be optimistic, like there’s sunshine on the day, but there are times when it’s really painful. Like putting a smile on your face when your hurting deep down inside. Sometimes I like to think that’s what she likes to do, you know? Like, I don’t know. I don’t know how to put it in words.

Anyways, I just wanted to pour that out.

The college thing is starting to take a huge impact on me. I feel I should do things differently, or whatever to somehow preserve the richness in memory. But I realized that the memories that stick the most is the ones that flow naturally, you know? You don’t have to say, ‘okay, tomorrow we’re going to hangout together. That will have like, so much memories’.

Tommorow morning

Okay. It’s almost midnight. I’m supposed to get my beauty sleep but then while watching ‘Gracie’. Now, that makes me really want to play soccer again. I want her body! Haha, I’ve been thinking about trying out for the girl’s soccer team in the future. I don’t know, to keep up the body image. If only if I had a soccer ball, hmmmm… should I buy one?

The stomach issue has always been an issue for me. Grr. I hate it so much!

Before I sign out, let me tell you about what happened yesterday. Apparently, the only people that hung out in my class (those are the ones that are closest, like I can talk freely) was the guy that’s practically my best friend and the guy that used to have a crush on me. You remember him, the guy who wrote those songs for me haha. Anyway, yeah we hung out at this ‘it’ place where my best friend guy knows all these people. I’m sort of shy around them even though I would really like to get to know all of them. Anyway, we hung out around them for awhile until it was just three of us. We went to this café that all my musical dreams came true. I love it there. It’s like Tric, you know the one in One Tree Hill minus the alcohol. I so wanted their band (the guys have a band) to perform one day. Yeah, since the best friend guy made it soooo awkward, like when we were walking around afterwards he would push the guy to him. And plus, he made me sit next to him. Ahh, lately I know that he doesn’t have any feelings for me anymore, and we started talking again. I don’t know it’s been awkward again.

Speaking of, I have no idea how to comprehend my feelings for him. Seriously, it’s like when I found out that he doesn’t like me anymore I was like, ‘Darn’ in a small dose. But I don’t think I really really like him. I don’t know. I think it’s just one of my traits, that I only feel special when guys notice me. Fck. I don’t want to be that sort of person.

Last night I slept at 3 watching Scrubs. Ahh! I don’t why but I just can’t sleep without the TV on. I need to regulate my sleeping hours from now on, because SCHOOL is starting soon.

Signing out.

PS: Btw, there is that darn eye boil that’s in my left eye. It’s so annoying. I woke to find so much pus in the corner of my eye. BLEHH.

Fever Dreams..

OMG.
I haven't updated this beloved blog in the longest time I swear! When I have time, I will read all the previously forgotten blogs here. Each blog expresses a certain time during these adolescence years. I can't wait to feel them once again. Sometimes I think that I should stop talking about my love life (which only exists in my fantasies which will probably never happen anyway) because the passed feelings to those I used to like are so embaressing. Like that one year mega-infatuation for Pete Wentz (ohmygah!)
Anyhoo, tons of stuff happened these past few months. Was it really February since my last post? Jeez, time flies by.
Hmm, what else what else? I'm officially in love with Dashboard Confessional's new album 'The Shade of Poison Trees'. I've known DC for a long time but the real love for his songs, his words, his face, his everything had just started to grow. I hate having a celebrity crush. What I like about him is his emo-tional and poignant lyrics. The song, 'Hands Down' just makes we wish that he was singing about me (haha wtf?). Arggh, I hate feeling like this. I will always have a thing for musicians.

right now, it's the Idul Fitri. That's right. I am so glad that we finally have a vacation because Gr. 11 is being a pain in the ass, in a good way though. More and more school work for us (can you say, heyy..ho!!). I seriously don't mind getting tons of homework but what I just can't tolerate is if I've caught myself in a tangle that I can't solve. Like math for instance, I got to make this 100% precise graph style that my math teacher told us to. It has to exactly precise to it. The computer teacher taught us the way but I totally forgot about it now. AHH.
And my irritability for lack of Bahasa Indo oral skills are starting to get to me. My superior English compensates for the lack of Bhasa Indo. I swear, we had to do this stupid broadcasting thing and I totally let the nerves come to me. OMG. I do not want to relive that stupid, awful moment.

I'm so excited to be back living through words in this blog. Wohoo!
Tata, youngsters.