I Gotta Have You..

All I think about is you.

Suddenly, all the poppy, lovey-dovey songs make sense once again. I don’t know how to approach this feeling that was familiar but last reached out ages ago. This time, the situation is different. Finally this one could have a chance (he knows almost everything about me and I know almost everything about him. I don’t know whether this is a bad thing or good thing.) but in the most inconvenient time ever. Now it’s going to hurt 10 times bad as it will before. When he leaves.

I’ll get over him. I know I will. I’ll pretend my ship’s not sinking. But I’ll tell myself I’m over him. Because I’m the queen of wishful thinking.

Every minute or so, I wonder whether he’s thinking of me. Finally it all makes sense right now. All the times when we were talking alone or walking together at school, I thought we were just friends.

I’m worried about what the people I care about are going to say about it. I’m sort of targeting one specific person because I can read her facial expressions almost accurately. I’m worried whether she’ll not agree to it, or think badly of it, and that scares me because what she thinks I cherish quite a lot. For some reason.

Her way of thinking may certainly have some flaws but I know I should stand my ground. But I won’t confess it all straight away. Maybe we don’t have to think about it but maybe, just maybe she’ll have secret approval for all of it. What am I thinking? It’s not like we’re doing anything.

I just hope she won’t backstab me behind my back. She’s capable of doing such things.

I know alright, one women’s poison can be her necessity as well.

I’m not having enough privacy. I was in my room watching ‘Superbad’ just then all of a sudden my mom and the maid just had to come and start cleaning the closet. I was like, ‘Hello! I’m right here. You don’t think I need privacy as well.’ Jeez I swear.

I miss him. I wonder if he still misses me. I wonder if he’s thinking of me. I miss him calling me. I bet he thinks it’s gonna weird. Damnit. He ain’t the one for me.