Someday We'll Know..

Fall Out Boy rocks my socks.
OMG..I want to cry right now, I swear. Alright, I checked this internet station near my school, and I swear, it sort of SUCKS! The one near my house in Philippines is so much better I swear. It's so fast and all. Oh well, there goes my chances in watching the Fall Out Boy videos. Oh well, for Rp.6000, it's a good price, I guess. I guess I need to wait till I go to Philippines in the 23rd, and I could go to that awesome internet cafe. Wohoo! Okay, my mom just found out that her breast cancer is in the 2nd stage. Thank God it isn't the 3rd or 4th stage. When I asked my dad which was the really serious stages and he said the 3rd or 4th stage. Thank goodness. I guess I'll search for more info on that. This morning, my dad called her and I got the chance to talk to her. She was crying. Oh my gosh, it almost broke my heart. She just kept on saying 'I love you I love you'. I'm really scared actually. I don't want her to die. Even though I don't show it, I'm really damn worried. When Pak Andrew was talking to me about her, it came back to me once again. Arggh, I hate that! I feel sort of left out yet I'm friendly with people in school. You know, it's pretty hard. It's like, I know there are a few major secrets that people are spreading without me knowing. I know it's nothing about me, but still. I know that people here are sharing a secrets and all, and I'm like, in the middle of it, you know? I think maybe's it's because I don't have any secrets of my own. I don't know. I just...don't know. Oh yea, that story about Pete Wentz, I guess I'll continue that back at home. I'm not really comfortable explaining that here. Hahahahahaah.. Someone with a scary reputation is really a pussycat -- with a soft spot for you. In Detail Feeling like you're at a bit of a dead end in the work department isn't the most pleasant thing, but a discussion of your longer-term dreams in this area gives you a sense of hope again. You're open to new ideas -- and possibly even to the idea of taking a rather big risk. Feeling like you have to make a decision about it immediately, though, is a little too much pressure. Engage your brain and a creative solution will emerge.
Note: This entry was written yesterday. Sorry, I didn't have enough time to actually paste it here so I saved it in my Friendster blog and pasted it here.
Alright. I really want to talk about my mom. I know I should pray my hardest. I do, but I just think that sometimes it's not enough, you know? And, I just found out today when one of my mom's friends came over to give a present and all, that my mother doesn't want to undergo chemotherapy treatment. I was sort of suprised, my dad didn't tell me anything about this. And I don't know why she didn't want to do it. I later heard that after the treatment, you're really susceptible to infection. That means that it's really easy for you to get an infection and all. I just really hope that she undergoes some sort of treatment that can work (it's all in God's hands) and she passes the 5 year mark. Oh God, I really hope so.
I need to start researching for new treatments cause the only one I know is only chemotherapy.
My school is starting to get really..odd. In a bad way I guess. It's odd in my opinion for two reasons. One, is my social life. I've said this before, I think I'm like, cut out from the social circle. Today, in some parts, I never felt so lonelier than before. And I always remember thinking the same thing when I was feeling that. I hope that someone is watching me.
It's just that friends I thought I had had secrets, but they never seem to tell me. It's like I'm the last person to know or something. Well, I sort of realized, maybe I must be hanging out in the wrong crowd and neglecting the right crowd I should be hanging on to or something. But here's the problem - ahh, I just don't know now. My head's swarming up with a bunch of insecurities. But there's one thing that I realized - I always separate two groups from our social circle, that's why I'm creating these insecurities. It's like, I really want to be in this one, but I realize that I belong in the other one. Like, I feel more 'myself' and all, but still, you know? I have been hanging out closely to the ones I feel really weird now. I just don't know..you know??????????????????
It's like, when I hangout with them, I feel so..undervalued or something. Like most of them share their love lives, I don't have any right now. I don't like anybody, and I'm in between enjoying it and NOT enjoying it because of this situation. Like, Jessica's going out with Aryo, and there doing some stuff that only Nesya and Christy and Fanny know, probably Michelle knows as well/
I know it sounds really fudgin ridiculous, but the only person I want to be with right now is Pete Wentz. Ha, it sounded so gay x(