Smoke+Mirrors..
Apologies for the late blog entry – so many stuff has been happening.
Hmmm, I’m back into the 80s groove. I don’t know why, but I definitely have a thing for the 1980s. I know it’s weird and all – but then there’s some nostalgic feel to it, you know? I’m definitely not a child in the 80s – I’m one of the 90s, was born in ’91. 80s was definitely a unique decade – but I confess the style they had during that time was so awesome! It’s like, so different from the 70s where it’s all bellbottoms and polyester suits and platform shoes and the 60s was no less different, but the 80s was like, Whoa! Every style had changed – incredibly. It’s almost unbelievable if you compare the 70s fashion to the 80s. When I read a lot about the lifestyle and childhood like toys and movies and all that, man, it really makes me want to come back during those times. Teenage movies were definitely a lot better back in those times, I’m not saying that movies today are a bunch of crap, but I think more teenagers can relate to them back in the 80s. Movies like Breakfast Club (oh yeah, during English, my teacher FINALLY asked us who seen the movie Breakfast Club or not. Lucky lucky, I was the only one who watched this movie. Hheehehe, these are things that are awesome if you just don’t stick to one genre, what I like about myself is that I have a wider range of knowledge in oldies, especially in music or in movies, as much as I have in present time. Not to be bragging or anything. Yeah, we’re going to watch it, I hope everyone will like it the same way that I do. It’s a truly awesome film. Definitely wanted me to go back to the 80s. I finally knew what was the brat pack of the 80s. I wish I could know more info about them. How they came together, how they interacted, how they split up or something. So far, I like all the people from the Breakfast Club. I also watched St. Elmo’s Fire and Pretty in Pink, but none of the actors made an impact on me similar when I watched The Breakfast Club. I like Molly Ringwald. She’s really pretty, and I loved her style in Pretty in Pink. It screams out 80s! Her style is so unique and all, and I remember thinking, ‘man, I wish our style nowadays were like those during the 80s!’ as I looked down at my shirt and all. I really want to watch Sixteen Candles. It also stars Molly Ringwald and Anthony Michael Hall, who played the nerd in the Breakfast Club. I heard he’s awesome and all there.
I want Razzles >>> yup, I got that from Suddenly 30! I also want Pop Rocks (I heard that when you were a child, there was an ongoing rumour about this dude called Mikey who died from eating Pop Rocks and Coke mixed together. Weird.
I want John Hughes movies. There so awesome during the 80s!
Hmm, what else is going on at school. Oh yeah, I really fucking hate it when my friends tell each other secrets without me. I don’t know, it’s like, I’m not cool enough or something. I think partly is because I don’t have a boyfriend. I know it sounds so… stupid, but I’m definitely convincing myself that that is one of the reasons why. I don’t know whether things with my best friend is making it better or not. Ha, it’s worse. It’s fucking awkward now. Apologies for the language, but you gotta understand, how this stupid pressure is going to come across us. Sex is a huge thing between my friends of five (it used to be fucking four, until someone joined us when she went to grade nine. She’s nice and all, but she doesn’t tell me anything compared to the other girls. It really makes me feel left out. I have no idea whether she has a grudge against me or something. Maybe she does, over some stupid incident that happened during the elementary days. I just hate it when I feel so damn left out. I think when my other friend, whom I’m pretty close to, who’s really pretty and all will get a boyfriend, I’m 100 % that they will leave me out. I don’t know if it’s intended or not, but I Know that that’s what they’re going to start talking about. I hate my school life right now. I couldn’t concentrate during a science test that I studied pretty hard for. I wanted to cry, well to tell you the truth, I had tears of anger holding back against my eyes. I just wanted to cry out my frustration, but the best way I could think of showing all my anger and pain that I’m going through is by leaving school. Remember that thing about me leaving for Philippines? It turns out there’ much a less chance of me going there. It’s weird – when it was almost certain that I would be studying there next year, I didn’t really wanted to go, but then that chance got away and now I want it back in my head. Before, I would remember all the little things that I would think of, like looking past at the same buildings on the ride to school, or that during snack, us girls would go to the guesthouse and all. Now, I want to quickly get out of it. Well, not entirely, I just want a happier social life there that’s all. Especially with my friends. It really irritates me that we are keeping secrets from each other. I don’t know why. I think all of this is starting to come affect from that one person that influenced them all. Why can’t things be the same again before? I really liked it when it was just the four of us. It made things more equal and all. I told you this before, but I just hate it when there’s secrets between us. OMG, when we were walking during the computer lab, I was walking with my best friend, and then, all of a sudden, that person just came right up to her and asked a question about some fucking secret that I don’t know. And I just fucking knew that she was trying to hide it from me. It was so fucking obvious. I could tell you that I’m crying right now. It’s just so painful. I don’t know why I should be crying over a stupid thing like this. I should be stronger. I don’t why, but I still have the hope that they would tell me at the end. But still, the worst thing is that my best friend tried to hide it from me. IT was just so fake and obvious, which fucking made me so pissed me off that I just left them. That wasn’t the first time. During study hall or whatever, they were discussing about it or something, and then whether talking to someone about it or something, and then my bestie said my name out loud, and I said ‘What?’ and then that person slapped her in the arm. Right in front me. Seriously I don’t know what I did. I also think they already told everyone in the 5 except me. I don’t know why. Seriously, I just hate feeling left out. Gravity rides everything. I’m listening to it while I bawl myself out of it.
Peer pressure about having a fucking boyfriend. All the fake sympathies. All the stupid lies.
I just wrote the most poured out poem I ever had. Call me sensitive or whatever, but it surely makes me feel slightly better.
There are better things out there that I truly deserve. I hope that people out there would know that. The suffering won’t end forever. I think. I go this from an troubled actress in Larry King who was interviewing her. When asked from a thirteen year old girl who ‘is about to enter the teenager stage’ who had problems with her friends, realizing who her true friends are and all that, and what advice that she needed, the troubled actress basically replied that if they continue to make your life more miserable, then it’s not worth hanging out with them at all. And the friends you make when you are 13 are certainly not going to be friends with you ten years later or something, so you’ll eventually make more friends and all that.
I don’t know much about anything now. I seriously don’t know who my true friends. It’s hard to say. It’s really hard to say. I won’t lie if I didn’t wanted to start all over once again. But then, I know that deep inside, it all will fall right into place and some time after this, I would look back into this and would be amazed how things worked out. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.
My dad hasn’t been here for the whole week. It’s been awesome being alone in the apartment. Just having the privacy that I really loved. I love having privacy, but not too much, or too little. This was just right. Sometimes the neighbor would check how I’m doing and all that. And a very close friend of my mom would call and check constantly how I’m doing as well. The best thing that she done was give me lots and lots of food (seriously, my fridge is swamped with food from her! I’m beginning to think whether I will have trouble finishing it!) and also from the other friends as well. They all have been supportive and all that, which is a tremendous thing to do. They’re a huge support and it’s just so special to have people like that. Someone to care and pray about you. It’s just really awesome compared to what I’ve been treated recently at school. It’s not like I’m really isolated or something. Just the feelings and all are starting to make me drift off my thoughts and all from my friends and resort to anger and frustration which is really agitating.
I wish I could start over.
I wish I would get this over with.
I wish that my gut feeling inside me would be right. That everything will be alright soon. But then there’s that thought that it would just get worse. I can’t seem to get that stupid thought out of my mind.
I passed a hangout with my friends (partly because of money, I’ve been spending too much and decided to just skip this one out, I want to start buying more books or CDs that enrich my mind) and just stay at home. Hopefully, the maid would come tomorrow and clean the apartment, which is beginning to become more dirty and all x(
What else? I wish for a lot of things but I wouldn’t tell it all here, what’s the use right? I would rather reserve it for God J
www.fast-rewind.com >>> you’re guide for 80s! movies..
wish me for things to be alright
A better Catholic.
A better friend.
A better girl.
A better daughter.
A better student.
A better acquaintance.
A better person.
Angel.
Sum 41 – Pieces >>> this song speaks out to me so much during this point of my life.
I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I thought it’ll be easy
But no one believes me
I’m not all the things I said
If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off in my own
This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have
If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own
I tried to be perfect
It just wasn’t worth it
Nothing can ever be so wrong
It’s hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along
If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own.
Hmmm, I’m back into the 80s groove. I don’t know why, but I definitely have a thing for the 1980s. I know it’s weird and all – but then there’s some nostalgic feel to it, you know? I’m definitely not a child in the 80s – I’m one of the 90s, was born in ’91. 80s was definitely a unique decade – but I confess the style they had during that time was so awesome! It’s like, so different from the 70s where it’s all bellbottoms and polyester suits and platform shoes and the 60s was no less different, but the 80s was like, Whoa! Every style had changed – incredibly. It’s almost unbelievable if you compare the 70s fashion to the 80s. When I read a lot about the lifestyle and childhood like toys and movies and all that, man, it really makes me want to come back during those times. Teenage movies were definitely a lot better back in those times, I’m not saying that movies today are a bunch of crap, but I think more teenagers can relate to them back in the 80s. Movies like Breakfast Club (oh yeah, during English, my teacher FINALLY asked us who seen the movie Breakfast Club or not. Lucky lucky, I was the only one who watched this movie. Hheehehe, these are things that are awesome if you just don’t stick to one genre, what I like about myself is that I have a wider range of knowledge in oldies, especially in music or in movies, as much as I have in present time. Not to be bragging or anything. Yeah, we’re going to watch it, I hope everyone will like it the same way that I do. It’s a truly awesome film. Definitely wanted me to go back to the 80s. I finally knew what was the brat pack of the 80s. I wish I could know more info about them. How they came together, how they interacted, how they split up or something. So far, I like all the people from the Breakfast Club. I also watched St. Elmo’s Fire and Pretty in Pink, but none of the actors made an impact on me similar when I watched The Breakfast Club. I like Molly Ringwald. She’s really pretty, and I loved her style in Pretty in Pink. It screams out 80s! Her style is so unique and all, and I remember thinking, ‘man, I wish our style nowadays were like those during the 80s!’ as I looked down at my shirt and all. I really want to watch Sixteen Candles. It also stars Molly Ringwald and Anthony Michael Hall, who played the nerd in the Breakfast Club. I heard he’s awesome and all there.
I want Razzles >>> yup, I got that from Suddenly 30! I also want Pop Rocks (I heard that when you were a child, there was an ongoing rumour about this dude called Mikey who died from eating Pop Rocks and Coke mixed together. Weird.
I want John Hughes movies. There so awesome during the 80s!
Hmm, what else is going on at school. Oh yeah, I really fucking hate it when my friends tell each other secrets without me. I don’t know, it’s like, I’m not cool enough or something. I think partly is because I don’t have a boyfriend. I know it sounds so… stupid, but I’m definitely convincing myself that that is one of the reasons why. I don’t know whether things with my best friend is making it better or not. Ha, it’s worse. It’s fucking awkward now. Apologies for the language, but you gotta understand, how this stupid pressure is going to come across us. Sex is a huge thing between my friends of five (it used to be fucking four, until someone joined us when she went to grade nine. She’s nice and all, but she doesn’t tell me anything compared to the other girls. It really makes me feel left out. I have no idea whether she has a grudge against me or something. Maybe she does, over some stupid incident that happened during the elementary days. I just hate it when I feel so damn left out. I think when my other friend, whom I’m pretty close to, who’s really pretty and all will get a boyfriend, I’m 100 % that they will leave me out. I don’t know if it’s intended or not, but I Know that that’s what they’re going to start talking about. I hate my school life right now. I couldn’t concentrate during a science test that I studied pretty hard for. I wanted to cry, well to tell you the truth, I had tears of anger holding back against my eyes. I just wanted to cry out my frustration, but the best way I could think of showing all my anger and pain that I’m going through is by leaving school. Remember that thing about me leaving for Philippines? It turns out there’ much a less chance of me going there. It’s weird – when it was almost certain that I would be studying there next year, I didn’t really wanted to go, but then that chance got away and now I want it back in my head. Before, I would remember all the little things that I would think of, like looking past at the same buildings on the ride to school, or that during snack, us girls would go to the guesthouse and all. Now, I want to quickly get out of it. Well, not entirely, I just want a happier social life there that’s all. Especially with my friends. It really irritates me that we are keeping secrets from each other. I don’t know why. I think all of this is starting to come affect from that one person that influenced them all. Why can’t things be the same again before? I really liked it when it was just the four of us. It made things more equal and all. I told you this before, but I just hate it when there’s secrets between us. OMG, when we were walking during the computer lab, I was walking with my best friend, and then, all of a sudden, that person just came right up to her and asked a question about some fucking secret that I don’t know. And I just fucking knew that she was trying to hide it from me. It was so fucking obvious. I could tell you that I’m crying right now. It’s just so painful. I don’t know why I should be crying over a stupid thing like this. I should be stronger. I don’t why, but I still have the hope that they would tell me at the end. But still, the worst thing is that my best friend tried to hide it from me. IT was just so fake and obvious, which fucking made me so pissed me off that I just left them. That wasn’t the first time. During study hall or whatever, they were discussing about it or something, and then whether talking to someone about it or something, and then my bestie said my name out loud, and I said ‘What?’ and then that person slapped her in the arm. Right in front me. Seriously I don’t know what I did. I also think they already told everyone in the 5 except me. I don’t know why. Seriously, I just hate feeling left out. Gravity rides everything. I’m listening to it while I bawl myself out of it.
Peer pressure about having a fucking boyfriend. All the fake sympathies. All the stupid lies.
I just wrote the most poured out poem I ever had. Call me sensitive or whatever, but it surely makes me feel slightly better.
There are better things out there that I truly deserve. I hope that people out there would know that. The suffering won’t end forever. I think. I go this from an troubled actress in Larry King who was interviewing her. When asked from a thirteen year old girl who ‘is about to enter the teenager stage’ who had problems with her friends, realizing who her true friends are and all that, and what advice that she needed, the troubled actress basically replied that if they continue to make your life more miserable, then it’s not worth hanging out with them at all. And the friends you make when you are 13 are certainly not going to be friends with you ten years later or something, so you’ll eventually make more friends and all that.
I don’t know much about anything now. I seriously don’t know who my true friends. It’s hard to say. It’s really hard to say. I won’t lie if I didn’t wanted to start all over once again. But then, I know that deep inside, it all will fall right into place and some time after this, I would look back into this and would be amazed how things worked out. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.
My dad hasn’t been here for the whole week. It’s been awesome being alone in the apartment. Just having the privacy that I really loved. I love having privacy, but not too much, or too little. This was just right. Sometimes the neighbor would check how I’m doing and all that. And a very close friend of my mom would call and check constantly how I’m doing as well. The best thing that she done was give me lots and lots of food (seriously, my fridge is swamped with food from her! I’m beginning to think whether I will have trouble finishing it!) and also from the other friends as well. They all have been supportive and all that, which is a tremendous thing to do. They’re a huge support and it’s just so special to have people like that. Someone to care and pray about you. It’s just really awesome compared to what I’ve been treated recently at school. It’s not like I’m really isolated or something. Just the feelings and all are starting to make me drift off my thoughts and all from my friends and resort to anger and frustration which is really agitating.
I wish I could start over.
I wish I would get this over with.
I wish that my gut feeling inside me would be right. That everything will be alright soon. But then there’s that thought that it would just get worse. I can’t seem to get that stupid thought out of my mind.
I passed a hangout with my friends (partly because of money, I’ve been spending too much and decided to just skip this one out, I want to start buying more books or CDs that enrich my mind) and just stay at home. Hopefully, the maid would come tomorrow and clean the apartment, which is beginning to become more dirty and all x(
What else? I wish for a lot of things but I wouldn’t tell it all here, what’s the use right? I would rather reserve it for God J
www.fast-rewind.com >>> you’re guide for 80s! movies..
wish me for things to be alright
A better Catholic.
A better friend.
A better girl.
A better daughter.
A better student.
A better acquaintance.
A better person.
Angel.
Sum 41 – Pieces >>> this song speaks out to me so much during this point of my life.
I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I thought it’ll be easy
But no one believes me
I’m not all the things I said
If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off in my own
This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have
If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own
I tried to be perfect
It just wasn’t worth it
Nothing can ever be so wrong
It’s hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along
If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own.
posted by Jellybean at 7:05 AM
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