Scar..
Okay, what’s been happening lately? Hmm, I’ve bonded well with my parents. I think it all started when we got back from Philippines. I’ve started talking to them more often, and I asked them questions and all, I learned to accept them more openly – in a mature way I guess, as parents. I like that feeling. Before this, I always thought there was a wall between us. Maybe it was because I didn’t want to open myself up to them – like I knew that I could handle it. But what I had become conscious of is that we teenagers need a strong helping hand from our parents. They are the solid rock from in our personality foundations. Okay, when I just thought that out, I felt pretty guilty because it’s not like children were dropped in the face of the earth with two loving parents beside them. That’s one of the things where I don’t understand of how the world goes. It’s normal as the raindrops on the surface of windows, but it’s just that feeling where you want to write something where you can sort of ‘reach out’ but not in the inspirational way, but like, ‘I totally know how you can relate to it’ way. And you want to do that as much as you can. Unfortunately, we all live in different circumstances and the fact is, when I say our parents are the solid rock in our personality foundations, I just want express a sort of hesitation right there. I shouldn’t say ‘our’ – it was clearly an attempt to reach out to much people as I can.
Well, to top it all of, I must say, communicating with your parents well can create more better communication with the people you are surrounded it. With an unspoken trust and comfortness brought in to me, I feel I can talk to my peers with less self-consciousness. There is definite existence of self-consciousness, but it’s decreasing quite significantly.
Sigh, all these words, currently mean nothing at me. It all seems a blur. One second, it’s something your whole mind is looking forward to be put in pure existence and the cycle just goes on and on and on. I know that one day it’s all going to mean something – but most importantly in an escapable world where I actually used to live in before.
I was watching one of my favorite guilty pleasure of TV – lots of moments full of cheesiness but it’s highly addicting. I don’t care, it’s quite a fun ride if you ask me. Anyways, Seth Cohen (I just realized that I’m damn attracted to his geek personality, but then it’s genuinely original and stands out) has this issue where he is about to go to college, and he had spent nearly all his life wishing for this moment to come, but when it actually comes, he has that reverse psychological feeling. You know the all ‘I’m not ready’ phase. That made me wonder whether it’s going to be like that when I go to college. I mean, I’m actually going to start a year before everyone else does. As much as I want to prove my sparkling maturity to everyone, I still have doubts inside. I want it to happen, but then again, when it all happens, will I ever doubt it? That’s one of my fears right now – expecting to get what you want and then when it’s bound to unfold in front you, you experience that quirky hesitation. Leaving your house, school, friends, society, and mostly your family behind. I would have said mostly your friends – but I reckon that you can make new friends there, but you just can’t change your family. Again, that hesitation. I guess that feeling is natural, I’m almost quite certain that any person getting to leave for college is bound to feel that one way or another. Still, that hesitation.
Hmm, what else? Oh yeah, a past ‘love’ has returned to the scene. But after some alone time and listening to a specific soothing song which has that ‘that can totally relate to me!’ all over it – I feel that I’m ready to move on with my life. I can’t help those quick thoughts of attractiveness to him, but as much as I know that it won’t happen, I shouldn’t waste my time for this section of my life. I’m trying not to be one of those hopeless romantics – desperately crying and hoping and all that. I’ve been there before and I must say, it can take your heart out for a ride. And most of all, I really think either that he’s into someone else (like, my friend? No, whether that’s just the paranoia coming in or whatever. It’s still there) and that I’m sure as chocolate that there would never be something like that between us. In some way, we both live in separate worlds which happen to cross with brief glimpses – nothing more. Oh well, I can totally live without him. The feelings I felt before last year are long gone.
Prove to prove me wrong.
Well, to top it all of, I must say, communicating with your parents well can create more better communication with the people you are surrounded it. With an unspoken trust and comfortness brought in to me, I feel I can talk to my peers with less self-consciousness. There is definite existence of self-consciousness, but it’s decreasing quite significantly.
Sigh, all these words, currently mean nothing at me. It all seems a blur. One second, it’s something your whole mind is looking forward to be put in pure existence and the cycle just goes on and on and on. I know that one day it’s all going to mean something – but most importantly in an escapable world where I actually used to live in before.
I was watching one of my favorite guilty pleasure of TV – lots of moments full of cheesiness but it’s highly addicting. I don’t care, it’s quite a fun ride if you ask me. Anyways, Seth Cohen (I just realized that I’m damn attracted to his geek personality, but then it’s genuinely original and stands out) has this issue where he is about to go to college, and he had spent nearly all his life wishing for this moment to come, but when it actually comes, he has that reverse psychological feeling. You know the all ‘I’m not ready’ phase. That made me wonder whether it’s going to be like that when I go to college. I mean, I’m actually going to start a year before everyone else does. As much as I want to prove my sparkling maturity to everyone, I still have doubts inside. I want it to happen, but then again, when it all happens, will I ever doubt it? That’s one of my fears right now – expecting to get what you want and then when it’s bound to unfold in front you, you experience that quirky hesitation. Leaving your house, school, friends, society, and mostly your family behind. I would have said mostly your friends – but I reckon that you can make new friends there, but you just can’t change your family. Again, that hesitation. I guess that feeling is natural, I’m almost quite certain that any person getting to leave for college is bound to feel that one way or another. Still, that hesitation.
Hmm, what else? Oh yeah, a past ‘love’ has returned to the scene. But after some alone time and listening to a specific soothing song which has that ‘that can totally relate to me!’ all over it – I feel that I’m ready to move on with my life. I can’t help those quick thoughts of attractiveness to him, but as much as I know that it won’t happen, I shouldn’t waste my time for this section of my life. I’m trying not to be one of those hopeless romantics – desperately crying and hoping and all that. I’ve been there before and I must say, it can take your heart out for a ride. And most of all, I really think either that he’s into someone else (like, my friend? No, whether that’s just the paranoia coming in or whatever. It’s still there) and that I’m sure as chocolate that there would never be something like that between us. In some way, we both live in separate worlds which happen to cross with brief glimpses – nothing more. Oh well, I can totally live without him. The feelings I felt before last year are long gone.
Prove to prove me wrong.
posted by Jellybean at 8:06 AM
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