Friday, August 04, 2006

Dear Interceptor..

yesterday was one of those days where i blame myself for everything that's going wrong in my life. seriously. it's like i'm this really selfish, intimidating person. i also blame myself for wanting things that i don't have. and i don't give as much as i receive in some level. when i give, i always think about receiving. it's a selfish thought.
i wish i could go to confession sooner or later. the sins that's residing on my soul are starting to ache my back. sometimes i wish it was as simple as shaking it off.
it's all those situations and haunting thoughts that continues to dwell on me.
i always thought that the futures would always be dependable but now, it's starting to freak me out.
consider my situation, it may sound simple, like i shouldn't really be worrying about it right now, but still, maybe it isn't or maybe i'm making a mountain out a molehill. i always thought of something charming to say. okay, i know that didn't make any sense, i was just listening to a song. yeah, i always thought i was those kinds of person.
last night i had a talk, a somewhat provoking thought about moving school. i realized maybe thoe problem is not the stuff around me but the way i see the stuff around me. i think i sort of wrote something similiar to this. but i don't know, it's like a problem inside of you that just can't get away. it's just YOU, you know? it's something that's going to be with you for the rest of your life, and if it's choosing to be a bitch for the rest of your life, even if you are a bitch. but what really makes us a bitch? what i think is we all have some of that inside each and everyone of us. it's just a matter of time and willingness whether we either let it grow upon us or stand up to it. let me tell you, it may cost us a few sacrifices. sometimes at the end, you realize those sacrifices are actually well worth it.
it's a conflict of culture. i'm really not that happy with that school anymore, especially with that attitude of everyone around is me is growing. maybe i demand too much. but one thing that i don't understand....is alot actually. probably a mixture of myself and them as well.
continuing the woes of a labeled teen.

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