Let's Have a War..

Arggh. I hate today. I hate all days.

I hate myself. I hate the current situation. I just hate everything.

If I continued this, I would hate myself even more. So I’m here to swallow my pride and get on with life.

I hate the fact that I’m imperfect. One thing I can’t tolerate is making the same mistakes over and over again. Over and over again. I try hard to become a better person, but I keep on failing.

Today was trivia day. It was a success, everyone I hoped had enjoyed but still, I slapped and let myself turn into anger. Even though it didn’t seem serious, but still. At the end of the day, I cried my eyes out. I showered, and cried my eyes out. Then I watched One Tree Hill and when the mushy scenes came up, I cried even more. Arggh, I just realized how emotionally unstable I am.

Selfishly consumed I am.

I didn’t want to like, talk to God because I know that deep down inside, He’s still disappointed in me. I don’t want to continue disappointing him. The guiltiness keeps running through my veins the moment the action has been finished. Arggh. Maybe I will, but not at this time.

I should really keep my anger at hold.

I should not look up to what should be looked up to. What I’m trying to say, I shouldn’t let myself get influenced by the wrong things in life. Arggh, it’s just going to disappoint me in the future.

Forgive and forget. Another promise I have deceived.

Arggh. Help me.

Right now, I’ll resort myself to whatever.

We are compelled to do, what we must do.

Maybe I’ll start a blog in myspace, so that why, people can sort of know what I’m feeling instead of keeping it all bottled up inside.

No wait, that’s not entirely true.

Oh well.

Ohmyga.

Never would I thought that I would start thinking about this certain guy in class. How could I possibly like him? All this time, I just like the fact that he flirts with me and touches me (like hugs me and whatnot) but there’s no way that I like him more than a friend. Maybe I’m just smitten that someone is actually paying attention to me.

I don’t know, physically he’s not that attractive, but I don’t know. I really don’t know. Our personality is so different, I swear. He’s more into sports and all that, and I’m more into academics, to explain it all simply. I could not possibly like him. And he’s very notorious.

Ahh, nah I don’t like him. More than a friend. Maybe he’s just someone who I can enjoy flirting with but nothing more than that. Yeah, that’s what he is. Someone just to kill off time. Aahh. He’s totally not what I imagined. Arggh.

I’m trying not to think about it seriously. Nahh, I don’t like him. I sincerely hope that this is just temporary and I’m currently living a life of desperation.