Lua..

I hate now.

Since I’m doing the silent treatment, not-listening-to-the-world-just-my-ipod sort of thing..I’ll tell you what’s wrong.

First of all, I couldn’t sleepover in my bestie’s house. I think I know that her parents or whatever said I couldn’t sleepover, (I couldn’t bring myself to think that she didn’t want it at the first place) and the excuse she made, I could spot a lie a mile off. I guess I just know her too much.

OK, since I had some time to cool off about it, I guess the distraction has sort of paid off. In some way because you can only call it distraction. When it comes back, then the same feelings will follow. But now, the anger has sort of decreased.

· Yeah, the first one was because of that. Now, I’m staying at home. Oh well, relaxation, eh?

· Second one, because of my mom before. She sort of started to chastise me regarding our financial situation. Like I said, I totally despise when she does that. First, she started saying something about not shopping at KL, which made me really annoyed. As selfish as it sounds, I really looked forward to shop in KL. Arggh. The best things in life are free. There are times where I could feel that statement is true, but right now, it’s just not one of them. I could use a little shopping in malls and whatnot now and then. I mean, right now, I want to start looking for more designer and quality labels and not those cheap-ass knockoffs in ITC or something. I want good worth for my money as well. But as I’m saying that, it doesn’t mean that I’m going to go shopping every week or something. But when it’s time to go shopping, I’m going to start picking wisely from now on.

· Anyways, continuing from that conversation, she started going on about the other debts that we have. That really pissed me off. I’m not that kind of person who could bottle up anger inside. If I’m angry, I really need to show it. That’s the reason why I’m writing about it right now. For my parents, I either use the silent treatment, you know, like getting my ipod and listening to it full volume is my way of saying ‘look, I don’t want to hear this right now’. I’m only very open-minded in words. And I don’t say this sort of thing towards people. I just don’t do that. So here I am, spilling my guts out to you.

· Hmm, what else is a way to show that I’m angry. When my parents loses it, then it’s all over. I can’t express any anger whatsoever or else they’ll get even more angrier and the lectures they tell me will increase. As I’m growing older, I start to hate those lectures. Sure, it makes me realize how much I’m wrong, but probably that’s the reason why I hate it. But now, they sort of recycle their old words and create them in new lectures, and it’s starting to get me real bad. It’s like, you’re sitting there while your mind is shouting ‘I KNOW ALREADY!’ You can picture mine, it’s like my mind is jumping up and down and tearing it’s hair out.

· Yeh. Just thinking about all that gets more and more depressing. I hate it. Like, I’m not going to get a digital camera. I’m probably not going to shop for a long time either. Ahh, I’m supposed to shop for Christmas but this really killed the mood. What else? Oh, and I’m not going to get my report card any time yet, meaning that I’ll have to go to school with my fees unpaid for like 7 months. I mean, seriously, do I really have to suffer 7 more months just to make ends meet with my school fees? Should I skip school? I HATE THIS.

· I know, I know. There are other people who have it worse than me. But still, you know? I think about that sometimes, but then you think about all the people who have it lucky. Well, not lucky in their hearts, but for financial being, hell yeah. All I’m asking is just a little financial security. Just as much to pay the school fees at the right time.

· Oh no. They’ll look at me in a strange way. I hate this. I hate this.

· This calls for a distraction once again. It’s time to stop feeling sorry about it.

I think we have an emergency. I saw you listening.

Xoxo

Hope for better futures.

Angel.
* One more thing. We can’t afford the stupid DSL connection. I can’t download music or watch cable videos online anymore.

I hate all of this. Did I tell you that I also hate the fact that there are other people who have it a lot more worse than me. I’m not appreciating it like I should be.

I HATE THIS.