This Year's Most Open Heartbreak..
OMG. what the hell am i so depressed about?
first of all, it's my attitude today. i realized it, and it was too late. but i'm tired already of feeling guilty of myself. it's got to stop. today was lyke..'a hangout diving into teenagers' day. i don't know how that made sense of it but let's just say that today was just a day of freedom. i know i shouldn't be saying that, but i just hope that it won't happen as often as it will.
what i'm trying to say, is that, since i have a huge faith in the Lord, today was not one of those days where i feel proud or confident within the eyes of the Lord. i keep asking for forgiveness, but then i always screw things up. i always blame it in the hormones but then later, deep down inside, the surge of guiltiness of 'i should have known better' would have come. this would not be a day where i would feel the Lord's presence. i mean, like, it's not a day where i really followed the commandments of the Lord. ahh, it's all coming out wrong.
i just...ahhh.
it's confession time.
* i smoked.
again. and again. i don't want to do this anymore. i don't want to get cancer. smoking makes you get cancer more and there might be a good chance that i could get it because of my genes..and i don't want to worsen that. i don't want to put it through myself, my family, or whoever. aahhh.
i know it sounds stupid that i smoked, but then ahhh. i dont think i'll ever tell this to anyone because it seems soo immature and whatnot. but somehow the guiltiness is still there, you know?
aahhh rite now im relying on distraction hands down. ahhhhhh i will rely on distraction.
you know what happened other than dat today?
** i met him once again. he looked at me and smiled and he blew a small kiss. OMFG. why do i always fall for him again and again?! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ohh and he has a girlfriend. im absolutely positive. what the f am i whining about? he's such a....ahhhhhh! i guess i'm just pissed because..well, he doesn't like me anymore. argh. oh well. his LOSS, rite?!
ahhhh. i just need somewhere to vent out my frustrations x(
dont u just wish karma would happen to the people that need it, but when its us ourselves who need it we just hope it doesnt exist??!!
first of all, it's my attitude today. i realized it, and it was too late. but i'm tired already of feeling guilty of myself. it's got to stop. today was lyke..'a hangout diving into teenagers' day. i don't know how that made sense of it but let's just say that today was just a day of freedom. i know i shouldn't be saying that, but i just hope that it won't happen as often as it will.
what i'm trying to say, is that, since i have a huge faith in the Lord, today was not one of those days where i feel proud or confident within the eyes of the Lord. i keep asking for forgiveness, but then i always screw things up. i always blame it in the hormones but then later, deep down inside, the surge of guiltiness of 'i should have known better' would have come. this would not be a day where i would feel the Lord's presence. i mean, like, it's not a day where i really followed the commandments of the Lord. ahh, it's all coming out wrong.
i just...ahhh.
it's confession time.
* i smoked.
again. and again. i don't want to do this anymore. i don't want to get cancer. smoking makes you get cancer more and there might be a good chance that i could get it because of my genes..and i don't want to worsen that. i don't want to put it through myself, my family, or whoever. aahhh.
i know it sounds stupid that i smoked, but then ahhh. i dont think i'll ever tell this to anyone because it seems soo immature and whatnot. but somehow the guiltiness is still there, you know?
aahhh rite now im relying on distraction hands down. ahhhhhh i will rely on distraction.
you know what happened other than dat today?
** i met him once again. he looked at me and smiled and he blew a small kiss. OMFG. why do i always fall for him again and again?! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ohh and he has a girlfriend. im absolutely positive. what the f am i whining about? he's such a....ahhhhhh! i guess i'm just pissed because..well, he doesn't like me anymore. argh. oh well. his LOSS, rite?!
ahhhh. i just need somewhere to vent out my frustrations x(
dont u just wish karma would happen to the people that need it, but when its us ourselves who need it we just hope it doesnt exist??!!
posted by Jellybean at 6:15 AM
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