Bruised..

IN the middle of dilemma. I know it’s wrong to stay mad at my parents, I just don’t where to vent and pour all my anger to. What I’m really mad is, the situation, that’ been going on for several years. I just want to change it, you know?

The financial situation has it another day low. Even though I know that there are people who have it worse then us, I still bury that feeling and continue venting my anger, mostly just bottled up inside of me. Ahh, to think of it, I mostly pour out my frustrations here in my blog or journal. Ahh. I just came back from a cool gym which was really refreshing and different, compared to the damn gym downstairs. Here it’s way more comfortable and spacious, and different of varieties. Ahh, the luxuriousness. You know how I do when I’m confronted with luxury, us lions have a huge emphasis on this word. Ahh, but the problem is that my parents won’t let me join it, because we don’t have any money. We’re piling up in debts. I’m tired of making up excuses to my friends. I’m not joining basketball (which truly is, a ripoff. I don’t see why we have to pay for that sort of money which isn’t worth it at all). Anyways, what else? What I really hate, it’s one of my biggest pet peeves, is what people will think of me. Will they think I’m poor or something? Especially my best friend.

It bothers me, since she’s completely opposite with me. Her current situation. She could spend money anytime, anywhere. She wouldn’t have a problem getting what she wants. As for me, let’s say it’s like two different worlds. I have to save my money carefully and all that. Today, while she was taking a sum of money out of her card account, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy when I saw her bank account balance. Aw, come on. I hate feeling like this.

Hmm, I don’t want all the money in the world or something, I just want to pay for our debts so our slate could be wiped clean. I guess there’s no thing such as a slate wiped clean. It’s obvious that they’re will always be a small smudge.

My parents are mad at me. I don’t what to do, but I know they’re disappointed in me.

I know I am.

What the hell am I going to do?