Ooh Child..

Recently my parents, especially my dad had taken deep interest of what college I was going to. It's almost a year and a half that I'm leaving for college. Time has been an enemy to us consuming all what we have left. Fears are starting to dominate my mind, and I would like to share it with you;
* Am I going to make it in college?
This one is the most fearful one. Since I'm starting a year earlier than usual, my lack of experience might get to me. But I heard in Philippines, it's quite common for students to start college at the end of their junior year. Erase a year of high school youthfulness for me.
Oh, and right now I'm entering through a phase of confidence, thinking that college isn't that bad for me. I can handle this and whatnot. But what if I can't? Where will there be a place to escape? Like right now, I'm taking it easy. I always procastinate, and thinking that there always be time at the end. I usually get myself punched at the end at the project or assignment in high school, meaning I find the deep consequence of it when it's too late. Am I going to continue like this?
* Am I going to fit in?
Living outside of Philippines might consider me as a foreigner. I can't speak Tagalog, and I personally know that's a hard obstacle for me to jump. I enjoy English but I know sooner or later I got to learn Tagalog to get to know people around the college campus.
* Am I going to be happy in the major and college I choose in?
I mean seriously, there are definitely some thoughts regarding what the right school is. Maybe I thought that this specific college is the right one for me. What happens if it all backfires, or I change the mood drastically? Ahh. My parents would surely kill me, and forbid me to change majors.

I'm trying to cope with this pre-college trauma by taking the measures. I write in my journal, which gives me breath for my emotions to flow. I don't know if I can talk about this to anyone, but at the meantime, I'm trying to plan this by myself, with the support of my parents. I'm trying to organize this folder, where I keep all my research findings like career asessment test results, several off-to-college guides, college sites, admissions, SAT preparations, and whatnot. I'm only doing the outline right now. Sooner or later, I got to write down a calender after I find out when each of the colleges/uni starts, so I can adapt it to my own timetables and whatnot. I feel very excited by this.
Even though it seems very new and mature-like, I would still like to maintain my youth. I want to enjoy it, go out and hang out with my friends and all that. I'm the type of person who would rather stay at home and do whatnot, but there are times where I love to hangout in the mall with my friends.


I make mistakes. I am a sinner.