Catch my Disease..

• FCK!! He did it again.
• I wonder whether chain mails really work or not. Whether there’s really a fast alternative to our hopes and desires. You know, make a wish and send it to 10 people in order for it to be fulfilled. I personally don’t believe in it, but I wonder is there really any chance

The Bottom Line

The level of romance in your life is on a steady climb!

In Detail

The level of romance in your life is on a steady climb! This means very exciting things for you, especially since you're ready to share more of yourself with someone else. If you're currently involved with someone, let your partner show you how he or she feels about you (without prompting on your part). You won't be disappointed! If you're single, this day will prove to you that there are good people out there waiting for someone like you.

This horoscope explains for itself. HE did again, I tell you. He went into my world and twisted upside down.

But my judgment tells me that he’s a player in heart. What really bothered me, when I met my friends yesterday; he wanted me to introduce him to them. Thank goodness he was too late. Oh well, I think I prepared myself for this and this time, I don’t want to rely on it like my life depended on it.

I also don’t want to act like getting a new outfit for the Valentines dance is my number one priority. I think I have an outfit planned on, and it’s really not that bad you know? A tartan light blue and white miniskirt with a black and white polka dot tube top. I’m looking forward to make myself all pretty and all, you know, go to the salon and curl my hair and all that. Wohoo, I feel like a young lady.

Okay, yesterday I hung out with HIM. I want to let you know truthfully that he has that ‘bad boy’ image which seemed irresistible at first, but at the end, the self power of a woman’s intuition has dominated. I don’t need him. The time has finally passed and my heart is sturdy. There will be BETTER guys then him. Not someone who looks at some girl’s leg or cleavage every time she passes by. Arggh. I’m over him.

Yet that doesn’t mean I can play with him into one of those damn girls with my heart out of the question right? You bet.

Coo, the current fantasy of accomplishing that. OK, here it goes. I know that in months time I’ll regret confessing it you but right now, the embarrassment will appear soon.

I want him to see me walking all hot and gorgeous at the mall. When I and my close friends are fresh out of the salon, walking and laughing about whatever that’s funny. Yeah, he’s with his crowd and I’m with mine and we ‘accidentally’ bump into each other. You know at the movies, when they show the hot girl walking in slow motion with the ‘seductive yet fast-paced’ song when the guy checks her out. Damn it, I want that feeling. The song I chose is Le Tigre’s ‘TKO’

TKO è TOTAL KNOCK OUT. I wanna be his TKO for that moment.

He goes up to me and we’ll say our heys.

He’ll say ‘so, are you guys hanging out here?’

I’ll be like, ‘yeah we’re going to a party after this’

He’ll say, ‘really? What kind?’

I’ll be like, ‘valentines dance.. oh yeah, happy valentines!’

‘yeah you too’

‘are you going with anybody?’

‘nooo, the guys in our school sucks ass.’

Then fanny comes to the rescue..

‘yeah, a lot of guys asked her but she didn’t like anyone of them’

‘then why didn’t u invite me?’

I’ll look at him questioningly in a flirting way..

‘I thought you had a girlfriend’.

And by this time we’ll know his status.

Then I’ll say, ‘alright, the car’s waiting downstairs… so we’d better go’

‘alright see you’

we exchange our byes.

Then I’ll be in golden TRIUMPH. Just thinking about it makes me tingle.

The following day...

My gosh. The last post I made was… hmmm, very interesting in some ways. Today was alright, despite a few stupid immature guys that ruined it for a split second. Anyways, following what my horoscope said of not wasting my time and breath from those juveniles, I successfully distracted myself with more important issues. I’m on the roll baby, doing what is supposed to be done.

More girl power to ya!

I want to distract myself from guys. Guys are horny little things, you know that? I want to prove myself that I can be independent without the effect of unriped minds of the opposite sex.

Those fools.

Note the 10% exaggeration.

Anyhoo, you could tell that I’m in a good mood today. Despite of lazy schoolwork during the time where we’re supposed to be having steam blowing out of our pencils, I made good progress today. Apparently, our lazy school is having a Valentines dance this Friday. And that’s in 5 days. We just started planning this around a week ago, so a lot of work needs to be done fast. Since I’m the treasurer of the Student Council, I am looking forward to collecting money distributing tickets. Wohoo! But we’re having trouble getting enough sponsors in time. Let’s just hope that we do. Everyone’s so looking forward to a party once a while.

What else? Oh yeah, let me share you a BAD HABIT of mine nowadays.

• Burning ants. I don’t know. I know to some people it seems pretty harmless and to others who are pretty hardcore environmentalists, it may seem pretty harsh. It’s wrong, but I just do it out of pure evil boredom. I hate it. I push them with my finger and pick them up and drop them into the warm wax. One second the ants are wincing with pain and then the next, they are paralyzed with a painful death.

Yeah, that tops it with this day’s blog entry. I’m currently doing a bestie slideshow, where I’m putting all my dedication into it to be a spectacular and unforgettable slideshow.

Comeback Soundtrack of my Life > Missy Higgins ‘Scar’

One of the memorable tunes I’ll remember my whole life. Those times during GK early practices, moaning my love for he-who-should-not-be-named. Ahh, those memories.

How do I feel when I listen to the song?

It’s that feeling when you’re trying to move on and you’re reminiscing all those glorious memories. Maybe after a break-up or the realization that your crush doesn’t like you back. It’s like, “OK, I got to move on.”

Darn it, I’ll explain it words by words.

He left a card with a bar of soap and a scrubbing brush next to a note that said use this, down to your bone,
And before I knew I had shiny skin and it felt easy being clean like him I thought this one, knows better than I do

Everytime the girl tries to impress the guy, it’s never enough to please him. She conforms herself and gets rid of her ‘individuality’ for this guy who might be the one. She sort of uses this in a cool storyline (about the bar of soap, etc etc).

A triangle, trying to squeeze through a circle,
He tried to cut me so I'd fit,

She’s considered the odd one out from so called circle and she thinks that being with that guy could get her accepted.

And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?

She sort of tells and reassures the listeners

, ‘I know you’ve been there before. Don’t worry, it’s been an experience of mine.’

Doesn't that make you shiver, the way things could have gone?

Everytime you think about it, you think about the things that could have happened….. but never did. It continues to haunt you till this day.

And doesn't it feel peculiar,
When everyone wants a little more?

It hurts the more you think about it, and we’re never satisfied in what we’ve had.
So that I do remember to never go that far,

That past experience was too painful, so in the future, I’ll promise that I’ll never get myself into a situation like that ever again.
Could you leave me with a Scar?

Give me something that will continually remind me of the pains and angst you did to me.

She talks about an emotional scar that’ll probably heal in time but it’s pretty obvious that there’s a little hurt and questioning right now.

So the next one came with a bag of treats, she smelled like sugar and spoke like the sea,
And she told me don't trust them, trust me,
And she pulled at my stitches one by one, looked at my insides clicking her tongue and said "This will all have to come undone"

OK, I don’t really know what this one’s about. Is it about a lesbian experience? I have no idea. Finally coming out of the closet?

A triangle, trying to squeeze through a circle,
She tried to cut me so I'd fit

And doesn't that sound familiar?
Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver, the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar,
When everyone wants a little more?
So that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a Scar?

I think I realised, just in time,
Although my old self, was hard to find,
You can bathe me, in your finest wine,
But I'll never give you mine,
'Cause I'm a little bit tired of feeling like I'm the bad fruit, nobody buys,
Tell me did you think we'd all dream the same?


And doesn't that sound familiar?
Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver, the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar,
When everyone wants a little more?
So that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a Scar?
Could you leave me with a Scar?

OK, towards the end it gets sort of confusing. I checked at the boards and some people were discussing that it was a song about discovering your sexual identity or something. I don’t know, but everything about the song really speaks to me.

A get-over-the-stupid-guy-that-played-with-you song.

Come Back to Me..

Previous post I wrote a few weeks earlier.
Just thought you would like to know..

The first day of school. Ahh. Despite a pretty bad start, it went flatly average throughout the day. Nothing happened really. Just the same old, same old. When was the time when I thought school was exciting and adventurous? Not like the dull, monotonous days that just seem to flood in.

The only things that seem to spark up the schoolwork is the art designing project and this movie about homeless children that we’re going to watch in Bahasa Indo. Other then that, the music that I just recently downloaded and some TV shows and the pursuit of my writing career brightens up my days. Oh, and planning for college.

Right now, I’m loving this song, “TKO (Total Knock Out)” sung by Le Tigre. I love the beat, and it makes me dance around like a cheerleader in my room. No one has to know. Except you.

I want to be a dancer. A cheerleader. Oops.

My writing doesn’t make any sense right now, which bothers me. I haven’t wrote anything in particular these past few days. I distract myself by dancing and doing such other nonsense. Don’t take my new passion for dancing too hard. I’m not looking forward to be a professional dancer or something, but it would be nice to have an experience of cheerleading. But don’t see that coming because of two things; first, my school is way too small to have a cheerleading team and second, I suck at gymnastics.

Ahh, don’t mind me. I’ll just sit and feed my two stomachs.

Hmm, I rather focus on my schoolwork, writing, college, knowledge of music, and whatnot. I’m not happy anymore, with school around. I feel depressed from all the boredom within. That’s why I resort myself to my imagination, which is usually so extraordinary that I can’t do anything about it but just to dream about it. When I snap myself back to reality, then the guiltiness and self-consciousness punches me in the face.

I feel self-worthless. And lazy.

I need to do something distracting.

No xoxoxoxo’s this time.
L

Thoughts for today;

• Today I woke up
• Another relapse for me. Again, with the same consequences. Hmm, let’s talk about that, why I keep giving myself up for these relapses. The main reasons why I keep doing it is probably because of boredom and loneliness. I know, it sounds highly pathetic, but yeah, I’m being 100% honest. It’s the real deal. I want someone to understand. I think in a way, ‘he’ speaks out me. Even though we never met face to face, and I know that the chances of meeting him is against the odds, his writing has touched me in so many ways. It allowed me to take those few vital steps toward my inner creativity. And that, my friend, is a precious gift.
• I woke up from one of the loudest thunderstorms that ever laid its eyes on Jakarta this morning. It really terrified me, and I remember for a split second whether it was world domination. Hahah, it sounds lame but still. Lately I’ve been having more dreams lately, most of them about life and all that. It’s hard to explain, but some are pretty average, but there are some really damn odd ones. Last week, I had a dream that Eddie Murphy was one of my relatives that lived in our house in Sucat. Hahaha, at the time it seemed highly possible for some reason. When I woke up, I was like, ‘Dang! That would have been really awesome!’
• Hmm, what else? Oh yeah I realized that studying for the SATs might be a long long journey. I did some of the sections in the diagnostics test and I got less-then-average scores. I really need to start having the time to commit on this. My whole life depends on it. Well, not exactly, but an important chunk of it depends on a good grade in SATs. My dad’s idea is for me to self-study the SATs first. If I get a bad test score on that, then he would enroll me in this SAT preparation in a Ivy League center. Oh well.
• Valentines dance is coming baby! Wohoo! We have like, a week to prepare for it but so far, it seems pretty good. We just got to hope that people will be interested in coming, and making a profit out of the whole thing. Yeah, I love dances!
• Fall Out Boy’s newest album is in stores already! I’m definitely going to buy a CD, ASAP!!

Tons of tons of stuff to do are currently swirming all around my head right now. I’ll talk to you when I have the time aite.

‘Say hello to sunshine days.’

Ahh, when will be the day where we can finally say that??!

Lately it’s been rainstorms and thunder.

Maybellene..

Get IT all out of my system. Get it all out of my system.

Enjoy a few more days.

And then bring myself down it.

And then Get IT all out of my system.

It’s my current cycle I’m wishing to break. Again, I wish I could blame it on the hormones.

Yes, my curiosity of IT is beginning all over again.

I’m two quarters and a heart down. You aren’t my dream guy anymore. Just the outer appearance I’m drawn into. I thought I had it, but the thing, I never met you so I can’t really judge what outer mirror shines upon us.

Outer mirror shines upon us

Yet inside, the cracks somehow manages to resurface.

Ahh, I need to hangout with my friends someday. I’m still waiting for that moment to ask my parents. Over the days I would put what I accomplished that day, so the pride would start to grow. I really don’t want to miss 4 of my friends’ birthday party. Ahh.

Hmm..better get back to studying.

And change myself for the better.

It’s like, during the time, I know it’s damn wrong, but I still want to continue feeling it. Ahh, I hate this.

My stomach is paying the price for it.

Aah the long-awaited love life is still light years away. I don’t know how would I handle it, maybe I’ve been spending too much time thinking about the perfect guy that I distract myself from all the potentials.

Hmm, wait. Let me ponder. Nevermind’

There are currently no potentials that crossed my boundary. Ahh. When the time comes, it’ll come, right?

Did I tell you it’s been raining hard for the past two days? It just stopped like 4 hours ago. Today was a very odd day of school. It was raining damn hard. I’m starting to miss the good ol’ feeling of dry shoes and clothing.

I’ll be true, I’ll be useful.

Xoxoxo.