Come Back to Me..

Previous post I wrote a few weeks earlier.
Just thought you would like to know..

The first day of school. Ahh. Despite a pretty bad start, it went flatly average throughout the day. Nothing happened really. Just the same old, same old. When was the time when I thought school was exciting and adventurous? Not like the dull, monotonous days that just seem to flood in.

The only things that seem to spark up the schoolwork is the art designing project and this movie about homeless children that we’re going to watch in Bahasa Indo. Other then that, the music that I just recently downloaded and some TV shows and the pursuit of my writing career brightens up my days. Oh, and planning for college.

Right now, I’m loving this song, “TKO (Total Knock Out)” sung by Le Tigre. I love the beat, and it makes me dance around like a cheerleader in my room. No one has to know. Except you.

I want to be a dancer. A cheerleader. Oops.

My writing doesn’t make any sense right now, which bothers me. I haven’t wrote anything in particular these past few days. I distract myself by dancing and doing such other nonsense. Don’t take my new passion for dancing too hard. I’m not looking forward to be a professional dancer or something, but it would be nice to have an experience of cheerleading. But don’t see that coming because of two things; first, my school is way too small to have a cheerleading team and second, I suck at gymnastics.

Ahh, don’t mind me. I’ll just sit and feed my two stomachs.

Hmm, I rather focus on my schoolwork, writing, college, knowledge of music, and whatnot. I’m not happy anymore, with school around. I feel depressed from all the boredom within. That’s why I resort myself to my imagination, which is usually so extraordinary that I can’t do anything about it but just to dream about it. When I snap myself back to reality, then the guiltiness and self-consciousness punches me in the face.

I feel self-worthless. And lazy.

I need to do something distracting.

No xoxoxoxo’s this time.
L

Thoughts for today;

• Today I woke up
• Another relapse for me. Again, with the same consequences. Hmm, let’s talk about that, why I keep giving myself up for these relapses. The main reasons why I keep doing it is probably because of boredom and loneliness. I know, it sounds highly pathetic, but yeah, I’m being 100% honest. It’s the real deal. I want someone to understand. I think in a way, ‘he’ speaks out me. Even though we never met face to face, and I know that the chances of meeting him is against the odds, his writing has touched me in so many ways. It allowed me to take those few vital steps toward my inner creativity. And that, my friend, is a precious gift.
• I woke up from one of the loudest thunderstorms that ever laid its eyes on Jakarta this morning. It really terrified me, and I remember for a split second whether it was world domination. Hahah, it sounds lame but still. Lately I’ve been having more dreams lately, most of them about life and all that. It’s hard to explain, but some are pretty average, but there are some really damn odd ones. Last week, I had a dream that Eddie Murphy was one of my relatives that lived in our house in Sucat. Hahaha, at the time it seemed highly possible for some reason. When I woke up, I was like, ‘Dang! That would have been really awesome!’
• Hmm, what else? Oh yeah I realized that studying for the SATs might be a long long journey. I did some of the sections in the diagnostics test and I got less-then-average scores. I really need to start having the time to commit on this. My whole life depends on it. Well, not exactly, but an important chunk of it depends on a good grade in SATs. My dad’s idea is for me to self-study the SATs first. If I get a bad test score on that, then he would enroll me in this SAT preparation in a Ivy League center. Oh well.
• Valentines dance is coming baby! Wohoo! We have like, a week to prepare for it but so far, it seems pretty good. We just got to hope that people will be interested in coming, and making a profit out of the whole thing. Yeah, I love dances!
• Fall Out Boy’s newest album is in stores already! I’m definitely going to buy a CD, ASAP!!

Tons of tons of stuff to do are currently swirming all around my head right now. I’ll talk to you when I have the time aite.

‘Say hello to sunshine days.’

Ahh, when will be the day where we can finally say that??!

Lately it’s been rainstorms and thunder.