Baby It's Cold Outside <3..

So yeah..it finally happened =)
I'm accepting it gratefully as I add another thing on my life. I must find a balance upon all these and the worst mistake that I do is lean on one thing too much and not caring about the others, which is actually really important.
My parents are somewhat of an issue. I told them partially the truth about us. But they won't allow me going out with him alone. And that's what I've been doin these past few weeks. But I can reassure them that despite my fantasies, I fully know my limits. I don't wanna do anything that I'll regret in the future.
I should concentrate on school =D
These past few days, I realize how much I enjoy doing schoolwork. Yes, I know I fully acknowledge that I am a nerd.
I miss my bestie.
<3

The Way I Am..

23rd of February - The day he finally asked.
Saturday.
Life could be a dream.


Next Friday:
Your so good to me baby <3
I love spending time with him. I want him to be in my arms again. When I'm not with you, I miss you so much. I find myself thinking about him constantly.
I miss his kisses =(
My parents have officially pressed a curfew. Instead of going home as late as I want, I have to be home by 11. It sucks. Pretty much because my dad's not here and my mom's left all alone. Grr. Oh well. When I spend time with him yesterday it felt so short. And in the middle of watching a movie (we didn't really pay attention, if you know what I mean) we had to leave earlier because of the damn curfew. Yet he's so understanding =)
He said, 'I love you' even though we've been together for only a week. You know what I said to him? 'I think I will'.
I'm going to use this weekend time wisely. I'm not going out with him today (Saturday) because it's my parent's anniversary. I feel bad if I do. Plus, I don't think my mom will allow it. I already told them that I have a boyfriend already, and they don't really seem to mind. But they really really really absolutely don't know that I go out sometimes with just the two of us. They told me not to, and I said I don't. Well, it's partly true. Most of the time, there ARE people around us. But I told them that I know my limits and that I won't give up my morals and values.
Anyhoo, I remember on the way to the cinema last night, I saw 'the hookup guy's' face. Arggh, I was like, 'Whatever/Oh crap!'. I'm pretty sure that he saw me but I just kept on moving. Whatever lah.
I'm going to spend this weekend catching up on my studies, reading, and basically staying at home. It feels good to be home, besides missing him constantly.
Another issue I have to tackle is with my best friend. My other friend told me that she told her that she feels ever since I got together with him, that our friendship is losing grip. I know she doesn't meen offense to that, but I can't help that it does. I don't want to confront her about it, but, she's got like about 15 boyfriends during our bestie friendship and I haven't really complained about it. I remember when she used to go to my house to call them. I was okay with that. But yesterday, I could tell that it was different. It was like, she didn't want to hang around with me for some reason. I felt really hurt. I know it's not like she's saying that she doesn't want me to have a boyfriend, but I wish I could tell her that I'm trying extra hard to balance it all. It's pretty difficult. I hope she knows that this is my first relationship, and I just can't help feeling excited.
Next week, I'll spend it with her. I feel guilty. I just hope we can get over this obstacle. In the end, I really don't want to lose her friendship over a guy.
<3>

Mama Said They'll Be Days Like This.

Rewind..

Paramore is such a wicked band. I can't believe how I put them in my ipod but I never really got to appreciate them until they started getting appearances in MTV. I put a poster of them on my wall for like, 6 months, just because the lead singer's a chick, but that was before they started getting all that fame.
Oh well. The lead singer is pretty awesome. A guy rocker's Barbie. I'm jealous. I wish I had the vocals and talent to become like her. And confidence. I really don't think my voice is that good. I don't think it's that good at all, haha.
There goes my venting. Let's just keep it in a safe room where the noise comes out but nothing else.
Let's keep it to where we're good at. For me, organizing the Valentines Dance. Pray that everything goes smoothly. I'm in the point of organizing it (the music, advertising, getting enough tickets sold, and all that). And then there's the Talent Show, which happens right before that, and the Valentines Fair. I learned that there will always be some useless people out there that won't even lift a finger, then again, complain their asses off that this or that is too expensive. Don't they recognize that they're living in a capitalist country? Wake up honey, everyone around you is greedy. I realized a long time ago. Why realize it then?
Apart from organizing almost the whole thing and worrying whether the people will follow the jobs I assigned them, I worry whether I'll do too much organizing to actually enjoy the dance. Let's hope for the best, and be a good girl and hope that karma wouldn't punish me for the slightest bit offbeatness.
I wish he'd like me for the way I am. I really hope so. I know that time is limited. But you know, I want to still enjoy it, you know? I'm sorry I can't be as hot as her, or as awesome as the other girl, or as social as the one next to her, this is who I am. You got to know me like a few others know me. I hope that's enough.
xoxoxo

Outta My Head (Ay Ya Ya)

I want you outta my head. Are you just messing with my head?
Ashlee Simpson's comeback single is pretty cool. I dunno why, but she's always been my favorite pop artist. I mean, sometimes she's fake but she really has really unique fashion sense. Oh well, I don't know whether the fact that she's dating Pete Wentz (am so over him) affected the way I look at her or not.
Yesterday was the day. It was the usual hangout in the mall, watched 'Meet the Spartans' which made me realize how crappy the Western movie industry has become. Those movies that focus all their jokes on spoofing other movies is soo 200whatever. All i know its not the 2008 thing to do. The only good movie that I recently watched was probably Juno. That movie had a good storyline, awesome acting, and it was such..an indie classic. I love that movie. I love Juno hehee. 1408 was pretty awesome as well. It had a really unique storyline and it succeeded in scaring the shite out of me.
Anyhoo, back to my life.
yeseterday was the day. Lol. It was pretty good, I had a great time. But then, like 'he' and I started talking, not like friends like used to be, but like, a potential to the other side. I asked him, '*** name inserted here****, you think that the things you say are just BS?' and then he looked really surprised. He was like, 'really? you think the things i say to you is BS?' and I replied, 'yeah, cause everytime you say something, i don't believe it. it's like, my head doesn't want me to take it seriously because its from you'. and yeah, we were sort of talking about it afterwards, and he was saying things like, 'but, i seriously swear all the things i say to you only' and then i start giggling (not the fake-ass flirty way) but shaking my head, and saying 'its feels all BS' to me!'. and he was like, 'omg. omg. why is like that? tell me what i should i do to make it feel like i really mean it in the bottom of my heart.' and then i start shaking my head and saying 'BS andy. its all BS''..
Then, it was sort of quiet for awhile, and then he said,
'okay..if you really think all i say is BS, then..what happened if i asked you to go to the valentines dance..do you think that's BS?'
and then i became quiet. and i guess i started smiling.
'you really think its BS huh? OMG!
'no...wait, i dunno..'
yeah the conversation was like that for awhile. and then we played pool. i dunno whether the pool table sucked ass or my pool abilities sucked or probably i was nervous or something but it totally didn't feel like the last one, or i had too much in my mind, but i sucked so bad.
then the ride home pretty much consisted of one of the bandmates teasing me so badly. jeez dude, just because he ran into his ex-crush who's leaving in june and he ended throwing up at the parking lot and becoming so damn hyper.
arghh. then, before i left he put his arm around me and said, 'so you really think its still BS? you still believe me?' and i was like, 'umm..no.'
'so you believe me?'
'yea'
'really?'
'yeah'
dyeah..that was basically the whole night. apart from my parents worrying (nothing too serious) and my wallet is ZERO. everytime i ask money from my parents (especially my mom) i get this auro of dissaproval which pisses me so much. i don't even ask that much for crying out loud! and i did what they wanted.. i got the right SAT score and I EVEN GOT ACCEPTED IN ATENEO damnit!!!! jeez, where are the incentives?? its not that i always look for extrinsic motivation but my dad was like that while i was filling out the applications. 'if you get in, i'll throw a huge party. if you get in, i'll shower you things that you want.' i'm not asking for a lot, i just want money for a movie and dinner. dayumn man.
i don't know i think i better sort things out with my parents (personally). and may i just add that i gained ALL A's for my report card except for one fcking subject (my enemy, bahasa indo!). can i just hangout at friday? my gosh. sometimes i think that my sister gets off better than i do.
wonder what college would feel like huh? but i seriously don't want to rush anything from what i'm experiencing. i just don't want it to end right now.
dxoxoxo
its definitely a bittersweet world.