Pieces of Me..

No offense, but if there was a chance if I can ever get a faster computer with larger memory, I would definitely take it.
It’s so hard to cope with a such a slow computer like this. I don’t know how I could manage with this. I wish I had my own computer in my room with internet connection which is not SLOW as this one.
Hmm, what’s going on?
AT SCHOOL?? >>>> despite a few very annoyingly shallow people (won’t mention any names here) it’s flat-out BORING. The only thing that keeps me going on at school is taking pictures with my friends and talking to them. Seriously, I really think all the teachers have caught on the post-holiday feeling, you know, can’t-wait-till-it’s-the-end-of-school-so-i-can-relax time?? But for the rest of the students, we’re just sitting there, being miserable. There are things that are running out to talk with because it’s just so bored, I swear. I’m breathing for relief knowing that I would leave earlier than others. Yesshhh…
Despite all that, I’m still struggling with the fact that nearly all my friends that I hang out with have boyfriends..speaking of boyfriends, I’ll tell you a sad story that happened…well, for me it was sad SAD.
AT HOME?? I like staying home. I have no idea during the time where I stayed over at my friend’s house (yup, the birthday sleepover!), have you ever had those times where all you want to be is just alone and by yourself? It’s a black and blue feeling, and I can feel it from time to time. You just want to isolate yourself from the rest of the world, because you feel most comfortable by yourself. It’s a weird feeling. Seriously.
I am in love with being home.
Ooh, things that happened during the sleepover.
One of my friends is such an idiot. She knows she has a weak stomach but she chose to continue eating balls of wasabi in the sushi resteraunt. She started to feel really sick all the time, rushing to the bathroom during the mall AND at home. Seriously, the worst situation was at home. While we were taking pictures of ourselves in the pool, she didn’t feel really good, and then she went over to the far side of the poolside and started throwing up. We could actually hear her throwing up. As you didn’t know, I have a huge phobia of throwing up. Anything with the action of throwing up just freaks out me totally. I don’t know, it’s not even funny. I just can’t stand it. That’s my worst phobia.
That’s just the beginning. She begun telling us that she had ‘an accident in the bathroom but she cleaned it up. Arggh, that really grossed me out seriously. Blehhh.. and you know what happened? When she was alone in the room with me, she started saying ‘Gel, pass me the nearest bucket’. I saw one nearby but truthfully, I didn’t have the guts to pass it to her. I was terrified that she’s going to throw up midway. So I said ‘There’s none dude’ and I stepped out of the room. When I was going down the stairs, I heard her coming out of the room, and when I looked away, I heard those awful vomit splatters on the floor, which really freaked me out. I was like, when I was going down the stairs, like ‘ew ew ewe w ew, she threw up she threw up!’ Apparently she threw up halfway to the door and towards the bathroom. Blehhhhhhhhhhh… I didn’t want to sleep on the bedroom seriously did not want to smell what she had and all that. Blehhhhh… But then at the end we all slept there.
OMG. The worst thing was during the time when we went home, their BOYFRIENDS started calling them. I was like, WTF? And then they started apologizing them and all that crap, seriously. I was angered, but I really don’t know whether at myself or them. I just hate the fact that they all boyfriends except for me. I have another friend who’s in the same situation as me but she wasn’t allowed to sleepover (it was the same girl whose parents found her condom inside the wallet. SO yeahh, I had to spend nearly 20 minutes or so trying to deal with putting on the sound of TV so I can watch ‘Simple Life’ while they baby name their boyfriends. I hated that so much.
Another bad time. While we were talking all of us in the room, we started hearing ‘noises’. You know what noises they were? Her parents were doing ‘stuff’ on their bedroom, you know what I mean? Seriously, we heard stories of her trying to deal with hearing those noises and all that, and when we actually heard it, we knew exactly why. We know it was a normal thing, but seriously, our parents??? It’s something that us teens do not want to imagine them doing. It’s flat-out WEIRD. What’s really weird they knew her friends were there. Damnn.. I hope in the future, I would get a house where the kids bedroom and the parents bedroom are pretty far and definitely SOUND-PROOF.
Hmm, what else? I envy her house. It’s really awesome – very homey and classy at the same time. I really like her bedroom as well. It’ s just, really original with lots and lots of awesome clothes and great furniture along with many great small knick-knacks and photos. I really want to get more photos of ourselves and place them into my bedroom. I really like her style as well. It’s very, stylish. She’s a great fashionista. I love her fashion. I’m so jealous. I guess you can say that I want to start being a fashionista of my own, but not grabbing her style, but my style originally. Like, you know, taking risks instead of the usual shirts and jeans and stuff. I want to try baby dolls, different types of tops and skirts as well. I want to start a fashion diary, taking what I like in magazines and putting them in a place for inspiration.
FASHIONISTA…here I come..what I really really want is an awesome pair of LEGGINGS!!!!!!
There’s a huge list of what I want from clothes..I just want to be quite original, you know? The huge problem is where can I find affordable clothing that can suit my style? There are a few places but I’m not sure. Maybe when it’s my birthday or something. I don’t know yet. The mall has damn expensive clothing!!! I’ll only take the essentials or really special things…argghh!!!!!
I hope I can get my own curling iron soon. I am in love with my hair curly!!!!!!!
I want a scarf as welll!!
Hmmm..what else??
OKayy, I’ll just do those stuff in my head. Lately, there’s loads of imagining that I refuse to put down in words. It just ruins the moment.
Speaking of RUINING THE MOMENT..I was reading a pretty cool interview of Pete Wentz..and I stumbled upon knowing the fact that he ‘digs’ some girl from Chicago..that lucky bithc !! I swear, I couldn’t stop cursing at the computer screen…saying lucky &#$*(@*#$(*#@$! (@*%*^&*@)^(@&(*R(*$@(%*@$(%*@$)(%*)($@*%)(@*$%
I really hated that. But then I knew I got to move on, you know? Just mind his own business, and I got to mind mine!! ARGHH…lucky BITCH!!!!!!!!!! OMFG.. I swear she is so lucky. She better treat him right. I want him to be happy x) *sobs sobs*
What can I say? I guess this crush is totally different. I love his fcking personality, and there’s nothing that could stop it.
Still though….
Goodbye my 'lover'...fucking hot...

Nothing New..

Arggh. I don’t know what to say right now.
I’m busy with(out) facing reality for awhile. And it’s all worth it, I guess. These days with me alone right after will disappear. Oh well. I guess I got to get back with reality. It’s been a good trip though.
What I’m saying seems like I’m doing ‘funny stuff’ by myself. You know what I mean, don’t you? And you know what? It definitely ain’t that, alright? I never do those things on a daily basis. I guess I’m not like that.
Arggh. It’s all coming out quite wrong. In short, I guess I’m going to miss the awesome feeling of being home alone. My mom’s coming home soon. And it looks like that she’ll be home more often. I love her so much that I would gladly give up my privacy for her presence. I know that I’m lucky for this chance to happen. And by the way, short time makes it all worthwhile ain’t it? By the way, too much privacy is quite dangerous. I don’t want to be a loner forever.
Arggh. What else? LOVE WILL TEAR US APART…
I don’t know what’s running through my mind right now. Ooh, the sleepover party is still tomorrow. Call me crazy but I’m quite excited for it, nice to hang out with my close friends…
Ohh, and by the way. TAYLOR HICKS WONN! WOHOOO! It’s nice for once that someone ORIGINAL has won! Original ain’t the word, but someone DIFFERENT..
What else?? Did I tell you that I’ve got an irritatingly right infection. Arggh. Definitely munching on carrots from now on..
It’s hard to explain about BODY IMAGE. I don’t know, one thing I’m pretty proud of my body but then the next moment I really want a body which consists half the size of my current stomach and thighs. Those are the worse problems seriously. And everytime I eat something, it just swells up. It takes some time for it exhale after awhile.
Tommorow, I’m going to exercise downstairs, take a shower, get dressed up right before one of my friends will come over.
Darn, I think I really need to have more options regarding my lower wear, other than
Jeans
Pink Pants (arggh, never worn those before, it was something my mom bought fo me)
Aqua blue skirt
Black skirt, which shows my pudgy belly
White pants
Checkered pants
Brown skirt
Jeans

Argghh..what I have in my mind is denim shorts that have those fringes on the side..baggy pants..white skirt..checkered shorts…what else? Yeahh, I guess that’s it.
Hope. Dangles on a string.

Turn me upside out. upside down and inside out. when I’m here I’m going alone..

No Tommorow...

Isn’t it fcking awesome that a ‘straight-edge’ lifestyle still strongly exists after it was almost assured that the whole entertainment, Hollywood lifestyle is filled with sex, drugs and whatnot.
I hope his words are true. Okay, that sounded pretty gay, but still. I hope there’s enough sincerity and depth inside themselves to stand up against those unnecessary burdens. Deep down, I know they can. I admire them for standing up for their beliefs. I do not want to state anything for what they say, but you can find it in their journal. T(he)y stands up for what he is. I fcking love him.
What else? Apparently, the thing that I was worrying about yesterday, it’s definitely taken a new direction for my fellow friend. Now her troubles which is starting to make her ‘depressed’ are spilled out to her parents and now they know. Still though, she thinks they’re manically overprotective and all that. I don’t know whether I should blame her, I guess. I guess there’s no thing as a perfect family.
Speaking of family, I seriously can’t wait till to meet my mom and sister in two weeks! Wohoo!
Guess what? Tommorow’s school. Arggh, get ready for more drama, issues, overreactions, flirtiness, jealousy, superiorness, and gosh knows what else to expect in the typical high school scene. What happened to frickin simplicity?? That whole situation that had happened had got me thinking – am I happy in school? I got to admit it’s disciplinary issues need a lot of work, cause these past few weeks, all we do is usually slack off. It’s cool but uncool at the same time, you know what I mean? Since I’m aiming to go in one of the most reputable schools (that’s what I heard, I guess) in the Philippines, I think I should surround myself into an atmosphere of strong discipline, especially in schoolwork.
Body image issues. Woe is me. it’s weird to think that a camera can have so many tricks up in its sleeve. one moment you think you’ve lost weight but then a second look can give it all away. It sucks I tell you.
Better hurry up. My right eye hurts. I hope I don’t get that pimple-like *arggh, I hate that friggin word!!* arggh, I hate when this happens. Maybe it’s from the long hours of computer. Or maybe I’m not eating properly. But I can’t help it! my dad’s not home most of the time so I don’t have the decency to have three straight home cooked meals! Okay, that sounded fcking weird but still. Plus, my stomach is BULGING and I still have thunder thighs!! OMG…I hate this soooooo much!!!
I sound like a drama queen.
I feel like watching Scrubs.
All I gotta take is a friend’s birthday sleepover this weekend. Arggh, I hope it goes alright. I hope it’s fun. I hope my dad doesn’t mind. the last one is one scale that I hope is balancing and not tipping.
One thing that I can’t take is when my dad nags about me to my mom. Seriously, he really doesn’t think I can understand Tagalog. But guess what? I DO!!!!!! mwahahahahaahahahhahhaha..
oh how i wish there's no tommorow. no school. just days reminiscing my dreams (which i know it won't come true but i can't help but dream. lately, i realized that my imagination is unlimited. i can think about the most obscene thoughts and whatever, but i'll never show it. that's how powerful yet silent an imagination can witheld.) arggh. i'm not making any sense am i?

Dancing With Myself..

i hate this.
apparently, one of my friend's mom caught her condoms that we bought (i don't know, there were times where i bought them myself, and with other people as well..sorry for having a quick 'condom' fetish) and now she's getting in trouble.
i don't know whether to blame myself or something. it's definitely a huge issue, she claims that she's going to call my dad. i'm definitely going to be in huge trouble - he knows i have those condoms, but if another parent is involved, it'll bring a wide huge speculation. i bet one of them is involving reputation (which in my opinion, is sort of understandable) and all. i'm scared for my friend and myself, whether my reputation is going to be affected. i think this is going to be quite a lesson for me >> don't buy condoms?
i don't know, right now, mixed feelings are in the air. i just don't know. first of all, i'm worried about the phone calling thing. and second of all, i'm scared that word will get out. i know her sister and friend know about it, but i'm not sure whether it's going to change their perspective of me. i don't know whether her mom is going to change her opinion of me. it's really scary right now. overall of this, i just hope that her mom can get it over with, i mean, i know it's understandable that she's terribly concerned what the assumption is, but the truth is, we really didn't do anything about it. it was all just a JOKE.
i'm quite worried as well what my other friend would think of me. there's only one in particular that i'm thinking, and i'm not that close to but we run in the same circles. i'm scared whether she's going to think that the reason why she got in all trouble is because of my fault. and then she's going to tell the others. and then they're all going to turn against me. or in other words, blame me for what happened to her. i don't know, its all complicated in my head. i like to think that i suffer from huge paranoa.
i know i won't be buying any condoms in the future.
now she's not going to one of my other friend's birthday sleepover, which is a HUGE BUMMER. i hate this. i seriously hate this.
now i should be careful in my future actions regarding my reputation. i won't club in the future, won't try smoking whasoever. speaking of reputation, i want to keep up the good reputation. i hope it isn't too late. sometimes, when i say this, it seems that i'm exaggerating what the current situation is, but i don't know. it somehow makes sense of it all in some way. it's hard to explain i guess.
yesterday, i wrote up one of my future goals is to study in the same university that my dad went to. he really wants me to follow his footsteps. apparently, that university has a high reputable atmosphere, and it's pretty hard to get in. i need to ace the SATS. and that's not all. he wants me to finish school at the 11th grade. the whole situation is pretty complicated and i don't feel like explaining everything, and i know it seems like a lot to ask for, but you know, regarding what the current situation is here, i really don't mind. i don't feel like there's really a huge issue regarding this. i don't know, somehow it all feels fine. and why do i have a feeling like it's all going to change somehow???!
ohh, i hope everything turns out alright. i know it will, but still, you know??????! i hate the anticipation.
what else?? it's going to be around a couple of weeks more till i get to visit the Philippines!! yeahh, i heard that the huuuuuge mall had just opened. it's like the 5th hugest mall in the world, i can't wait to see it!!!!!!
ohhhh gawsh, have you ever got that feeling that when you manage to distract yourself from a huge problem and shift the focus towards something else, you feel sort of guilty, or some feeling that it's all going to come back at you? like, it's karma for not focusing on it. the thing is, i have that fear while i'm waiting for a friend's reply SMSing that she's thinking bad thoughts about me or something like that, or whatever. i just hope that it'll all cool off before it goes even worse. i just hope that my dad won't get called by her mom. he already has enough to deal with. arggh, i have this fear as well that when he's home, she's going to call my home number and i answer, and then she either wants to talk to me, or asks to talk to my dad. arggh, i hate this soo much!
well, wish me for the best.
i still hate this.
oh and by the way, i hate my stomach. seriously, i'm not joking. it's like a huge water bed mattress. it's just so chubby and flubby. every exercise i do doesn't benefit the appearance. but when i try not eating for awhile, it sort of shrinks but then, it comes straight back when i start eating again. it's just so annoying. it's getting bigger by the second. i swear, it has a mind of it's own. i get so jealous whenever i see a flat stomach. seriously, i just hate seeing it right now. i used to think it was just bloated and all, but now i'm sure that it's pure fat. after all the times that i remember overeating (yepp, i do overeat, now i'm admitting to that) and now i know how i got this. i just hate it now, i'm trying my best not to overeat anymore. i hope i'm not into a road of food-obessive behaviour or even worse, a food disorder. i see all those flat stomach and bodies and i wonder, did they do the right thing losing that weight. cause i have a friend which might have a mild case of bulimia. i don't know whether she continues this, but i heard this from a friend. and she's pretty skinny, you know? i admire her body, but when i thought about how she got that, it just made me stop liking it. and when i see those perfectly-shaped bodies in movies and all that, i really wonder whether they stick their fingers up through their throats or go throughout the day without eating anything to get those bodies. when i see healthy bodies that were acheived by exercise and healthy diets, i would admire those instead ofthose stick-thin bodies. but i can't help but feel envy when i compare those to mine in the end, i guess.
i've been exercising downstairs more. it feel good. i hope it's all worth it.
i hope it's all worth it.

Everything Sux..

i'm pissed.
i went to a place where i could buy cheap DVDs, and i was ecstatic learning to find that 24 season 5 is already out. when i went hme and watched it, guess what? it was only HALF of the season. it clearly said on the front 'the COMPLETE FIFTH SEASON'. WTF?
i hate this seriously. i wasted my money..ARGGHHHH!i guessi have to wait a couple of months or something til the real ENTIRE FCKING season 5 is out.
i love 24. how can die-hard fans of this awesome tv show do to deserve this?
oh wait. maybe it's because we're buying pirated ones.
it's a fake dimension where we are forced to cooperate, sacrificing our time and minds towards it. cheap entertainment which actually works. 24 is an exception (i guess). sometimes i feel smarter when watching this. but don't be fooled by it. watching tv doesn't make you any smarter - except for those documentaries, i guess.
ha! another trick! by the way, this isn't the first time we've been fooled you know? i recently bought the desperate housewives season 2, but the really last episode (season finale!) isn't there. i hate this.
i hate all of this. being sucked into a fake dimension show designed in the first place. argh! but it's all guilty pleasure, you know?
change the subject..just change the subject..
lately, i've been feeling guilty everytime i eat something. i've been doing more stretching and exercise get-ups but anything that i seem to do isn't barely enough. my stomach is still huge, while my thighs are the size of tennis rackets. it's not a pretty sight. i hate to say this, but i sometimes criticize my body shape. the stomach and thighs are the biggest problems. i hate it when some of my jeans can't fit anymore. i don't know, is it because i'm growing or because i'm just eating too much. i recently discovered that i overeat, i don't really care if my stomach wants enough food. or i don't know, maybe it's just paranoa (sorry, can't seem to spell it) or something. i seriously hate it. i don't know what to do. i'm scared of getting a food disorder or being food obsessed.

Technology..

officially the first day of 'being-an-expat', relaxing without the worries of doing the dreadful national exams. so far, i'm liking it. but a small part of me is wondering whether they're still pissed, and whether they'll start bitching about me behind my back over something really small. i really hope they don't.
i realized back in friday that i can't please anyone, and if anyone has a problem with that, f*** it. i think everyone needs to realize that they can't please anyone, and that there will always be someone that won't *click* with them.
i got to accept that i'm not one of those outgoing people. i prefer staying at home more then going out for some reason. i like watching tv and using the computer rather than going out sometimes. i'm really into the homey atmosphere.
i'm one episode of the 24 season 4. to tell you the truth, it ain't bad at all, i actuallLIKE IT, even though some of the characters from season 3 weren't there. the characters really start to grow on you. i can't wait till season5! i hope tommrow i can get it. and some other tv shows as well!
ooh, what else yeah? i just typed a whole sentence but then decided not to put it here because i know it'll be a total waste to put it here. anyways, what else??
I can't wait till we go to the Philippines! I get to see my mother again! I hope the fun that I am currently experiencing won't result into something dreadful in the future. Like, it'll come back to me, you know? I think I believe in karma, but in some terrific ways that life puts it, where most humans are too blinded to see it.
I hope I can save my money into buying something really worth, not like magazines (well, maybe one purchase of Rolling Stones is enough, but I can't make any promises, I guess). But I would really like purchasing something like jeans or a really nice top, or even some makeup in the mall.
I hate listening to a song filled with painful nostalgic memories. Well, most like embaressing or just plain immature. If it was songs that I cried myself to sleep while getting over something, than I would consider that a sweet nostalgic.
What else? I think I'm bringing myself to made-up excuses to create something that is worth reading in the future.
Oh well.
Since I don't really have anything really big to do, I'll go back watching TV or something.

Tick...

The sound of silence. Just the religious chanting outside of my apartment’s window and the tapping sound that my keyboard makes. I’m trying to get this boombox to play a CD of mine, but it comes out all crickety and it seems to be like noise instead of music. My dad keeps saying to me that the music I play is definitely not music but NOISE. I like to annoy him by that. In a light-hearted way of course.
Exercise is great. I hate the chair that I’m sitting on. Trying my hardest not to complain about my slow computer. Is it really because of all that music?? I hope my dad doesn’t complain again. Not saying that these days consists of me in a good mood, but just, just. Some moments bad, some moments good. The worst was this Monday. I fcking hated that day for some reason. I never felt so depressed in my life ever. I recalled the time where I got fed up for such a small reason and then when I realized I got upset over such a small thing, I hated myself even more.
What’s even more depressing >>>> I’m trying to construct words out of my misery.
Let’s go and live in a house made up of my writer’s blocks.
I try and not to be so “jazzed” up about Pete Wentz. Speaking of jazz, I’ll tell you later. Anyways, I’m not expecting anything serious from him. I clearly thought in Tuesday, that when I stop thinking about him that I could get on with my life, but lately, I’ve been giving in to those stupid daydreams. I hate it. And it’s still Thursday!
It’s amazing how exercise can benefit. I’m in a pretty good mood but a negative mood is slowly coming up. Somehow, I’m not happy with my body. I’ve got those stupid ugly pimple that makes you so damn self-conscious and that killer stomach. When I say killer, I’m not meaning the good kind. It’s so fcking big that’s it’s not even funny. I try not to concentrate on my stomach but everytime I see a flat stomach I seriously just want to cry. And most of my friends have to-die-for-compared-to-mine stomachs that it’s just making it harder.
Butt looks huge sometimes. The worst thing is that I can’t fit into my jeans anymore. I tried these shorts that fitted my sister when she was in the 12th grade but they were too tight for me. Imagine my self-esteem. Arggh, and I’m only in the 9th grade. Just telling yout aht makes me feel like a fat cow. I just don’t like my lower body. I seriously hate them, I think that it’s like double compared to the others.
I’m scared that in the holidays, I’m going to overeat and not exercise at all and I gain lots and lots of weight. I keep telling myself I just need to drink water and lots of fruits and keep the junk food in moderation but then I give up since in the Philippines, there’s loads of damn good food to try in. So I’m planning to exercise during the holidays we get to have (the expatriates don’t need to do the national exams, which is turning out to be a real nightmare for them, because of two things. Lack of time and lack of quality education. Or maybe they’re just too lazy. Anyways, yeah, I’m going to try and keep fit everyday.)
I’ll say this one more time. I fucking hate my bloated stomach.


Anyways, the HOLIDAYS! Sometimes I feel glad for being an expat, but sometimes I don’t. I’m the only expat in my class that doesn’t have Indonesian blood. It’s pretty weird, especially when you attempt to talk in Indo, you just have this accent. The other thing is that what mostly we expats do during they have reinforcement or practice exams is just sit around and do almost nothing. I almost died of fcking boredom at times. Luckily, Monopoly saved it. And I’m so glad that we get to have holiday, while they come to school to do the national exam, we can just sit home (one of the best things in life, I confess, I’m a home-loving geek!) and hang out! I’m planning to go and buy a present for one of my friends whose birthday is coming up and she’s planning to celebrate it with a karaoke singing (I fucking hate my singing voice!). Ooh, while I’m alone in home next week, I’m going to practice my karaoke!! I just don’t want to be fcking off-key, you know?
Okay, what else? Scrubs is an awesome show! I love it! It’s damn hilarious sometimes!! Looking forward to buy lots more DVDs to watch to cure my boredom/excitement!
I want to have another manicure/pedicure! I want to feel pretty again! I want to update my bangs! I want massages! I want to go the salon again!
Good eyeliner…good headphones..good ipod cover…good eyelash curler.. good moisturizer…good facial wash..mostly from Body Shop..that’s all I want.
Oh, and a good present for my friend! And what else, a good “Hawaiian” outfit for the upcoming other school party! Since we don’t have any prom, I’m pretty much looking forward to this event (despite my EX, emphasis on the EX, crush is going to make a move on some girl, and thinking that the other people still think I have a crush on him, which I fcking don’t, and sympathize with them!). yeah. Oh, and the holidayyys! Wohoo! And meeting my mom! And getting good internet connection in the nearby internet café! And taking cold showers while the weather is fcking heating up! And shopping in Greenbelt! And catching up on some personal writing and reading! And taking photos! And hoping to make some new friends! And what else? SHOPPING! Books, CDs, Clothes, Acessories, that’s all I want!
Can’t believe someone so talented have a crush on someone not exactly deserving. She was caught lip-synching for Pete’s (that’s him) sake! Arggh, you at least deserve someone so much better, seriously. Even though I hate admit that it’s not me (sobs) it should be someone HONEST and ORIGINAL….JUST NOT HER DAMMNIT!
I saw how it the dreadful SNL incident happen. Damn, that’s embaressing! And blaming her band?? That’s making it worse!! It’s amazing how much stuff that random people put out, making fools out themselves in many many different ways. The internet is definitely a way to get your voice heard, people like the option of showing themselves in a webcam. We went to a site where you can see almost any video of your choice (I go there for special Pete Wentz stuff and FOB and music videos as well! It’s a great site for those, and seeing them perform live!) They all have something in common, it made us laugh at least. One of the highlights was..
* This infamous kid name Barney. We looked at him lip-synching to Chicago’s “All That Jazz” and it was so damn hilarious. We were laughing so hard, mostly because you can see that he was pretty fruity. Hahahaha.
* This girl wearing a santa hat who was (fakingly) (lip-sing)ing a rendition of a Christmas singing. It was so fcking hilarious, how she was all serious (I’m sorry, I feel that I’m being really damn harsh!) and then, in one part, she was forgot the lyrics and she peered at the TV and started lip-singing again. Damn, it was soo funny! What made it even hilarious was that my bestie was laughing her pants off and the volume was turned up so high that her mom came bursting in the room fuming mad and her face was like about to burst (she was damn mad, because there were visitors at that time) and then she pointed a finger to her, but while she was trying so hard not to laugh but she was stifling to laugh so hard which made me laugh, but I tried so hard not to laugh and then before she came out of the room, she turned off the light. OMFG, after that we were laughing so fcking hard. What’s the point of turning off the light that we’re going to turn it back on? While it all happen, the girl in the video was still singing her heart out, OMG, it was so hilarious!
I’m sorry if I’m not making any sense at all. This was a definite BEST BESTIE MOMENT!
* These teenage girls that were lip synching to ‘Dirty Pop’. It was so embaressing, but I can’t help but think that they were a group of friends doing something ‘memorable’ together which they all understand while the outside doesn’t, youknowhatimean? And that could be us.

Not in This Life..

not in this life..i'm not going to make the same mistakes over and over again.
that means falling over the same guy that broke my heart once.
that bastard.
i can't believe i wrote an entry saying that i might like him again. it's just no good falling over him again. oh btw, he might have a future relationship with some other girl in another school. thank goodness i don't like him anymore. i really fckin hope that the other people can get the fact that i MOVED ON. completely.
kahitna. ang wala ka pa. ang dito lang ako.
OMG..these days, they leave me feeling so empty and lonely inside. it's killing me. one of the most depressing days are always mondays. today was one of them. i don't know, it was just so maniacally depressing. now i feel better i guess. due to certain extents. can't really talk right now because of ongoing responsibilities that seem so tiny and meager at the moment.
i just feel like listening to musique, escape reality, but then embrace it as well. and watch something that can leave distract me temporarily. that was one of the reasons why i wanted to leave school so
i remember feeling so empty and that the self-pity that was growing because no one really cared. anger and laughter were the substitutes.
can't really talk right now.
i'll talk tommorow.
the more you ignore me - the closer i get.
more homework.
i hate this.
plus >> i just got my period. maybe that's one of the reasons why i feel this. arggh, and half an hour ago i had these fcking crampss that annoyed the hell out of me. and then when i came home from school something (too embaressing to tell here) freaked the hell out of me. the more i think about it, the more freaked out i am. i hope it doesnt happen again.
and i'm not talking about a period leakage.
here's to a lonely, singled-out year.
im pretty certain that my other singled-out friend is going to get a boyfriend soon. and i'm going to feel so fucking left out.
the more i try to think about not having a boyfriend, the more i certain that it's going to happen more for me. it's so weird, and i really am certain that its not going to happen 0 because i'm actually thinking of having one. you get it?
angeliccaaa

But It's Better If You Do..

BUT IT'S BETTER IF YOU DO
(SEMI-OFFICIAL LIST OF WHAT ANGELICA WANTS!!!)
** its weird to say something that points a third-point of view. everyone does that nowadays. well, i can think of at least two people.
***oh, forgive me if i talk like a immature, whiny little brat.
here it goes..
ohh, and one more thing. i may have said this a thousand times. whoops.

• a better relationship with all my friends. i hate being the one in various meets and greets which obviously seems to have'no life'. this, in fact, is (in my opinion) not true towards my special SMALL (notice the emphasis on the small) circle of 'friends', or in other words, people who i've been 'stuck' with for the past couple of years.
• OMG. i so fckin wanna go to chicago!! i recently took a tickle quiz 'which city are you?' and i got that fckin city!!! OMG. i really really wanna go there. that's my dream home. nearly all the celebs that i admire in some point came from there *hint hint*. omg. this fckin blows. there may not be a chance for me being a teen going there. there may be a chance if i was after college or working or whatever, but the odds are like what? slim to none.

Your city style match is Chicago

Which City Matches Your Style?
Brought to you by Tickle

fck this. what else?

• okay, i'm trying to push my thoughts into reality, which means no saying PETE WENTZ OR FALLOUT BOY whatsoever. i understand my limitations. this is coming from a fourteen year old trying to become a fckin philosopher.
• i'm currently plucking up the courage to complain to my apartment about getting fckin cable for the loyal unit buyers here. which includes us for pete's sake!
• getting fckin guitar lessons. there's a nearby school near my school, and i'm trying to ask my dad to check it out later on.ohh, i hope he agrees to it. it's time for all those times playing imaginary superstar status to have some small sense of reality, actually having the ability to play decent guitar at least.
• studying adequately for the upcoming tests. so far, they're as important to me as watching the first season of scrubs.
• wanting to buy more CDs. preferrably those old-school bands, like sex pistols, the rolling stones, metallica, and so on. it's becoming a trend now.
• discovering new musique.
• new bf??? i just haven't met the right guy yet, and that alone, commits me into a whole new perspective of the fear of commitment. seriously. its like, what am i supposed to talk about? weird, huh?
• the whole stupid bickering behind each others backs in this class. it just makes things even more complicated than it already is. stop being hypocrites, all of you, and stop blaming other people other than yourselves. and what else yeah? stop fcking assuming!
• i can't wait till school ends. i'm dying of boredom. i can't wait till the holidays.
• i wish we have enough money for all of this.

sighs.
how can someone be so fucking attractive??? he's sooo out of reach at the same time but he's the center of my wildest dreams.
he doesnt smoke, drink or do drugs. im soo glad!! but it's only words, you know? dont approve till ur eyes meet the ultimate dream. im talking nonsense
damnnit. lucky byatch that peyton sawyer!!!! still, i will always love one tree hill. its nice to imagine two of my music inspirations get to hug each other and make (un)deniable chemistry for entertainment purposes.
scrubs is a helluva good show.
i want freeks and geeks!
{it's been a long time since i put any pics here.}
screw it. i'll put one now.
i should start putting more pics here from now on.
i want to be alone yet maintain friendships. going over to people's houses are a tad bit overboard.
i want alone time by myself. does that necessarily mean i'm a real-born loner?
then why do i feel so damn lonely sometimes?
i think that its because i want healthy (why did i choose that word?) friendships that are not hanging by a thread while having sufficient alone time.
lately i've been taking sweet naps. sweet thoughts before sweet sleeping.
its not like anyone's going to read it. and i'm glad.
kiss on me tonight.
i follow his words like a baby caterpillar follows its mother x)
xO

Crying Shame..

sighs. another good day will always be followed by another bad/dull/bad/dull day. these past few days were pretty dull, nothing really exciting has happened during my life, despite the increased concentration thathas been growing on me towards reading, music, and probably my studies (despite an unusual realization that i apparently, SUCK at math!). i have a huge passion for writing, and i'm attempting to balance the scales from writing to math and computer and sports, you know??
i totally miss this guy, in a total non-lovish way, which is pretty ironic, because i consider him my first experience with LOVE. now, i don't think i feel the same way anymore, maybe its because my friend's totally in love with him and everyone is supporting her. secretly, it's really fine with me, because everything nearly worked out, you know what i mean? i dunno, it's pretty complicated, i don't want to explain everything today, cause i have plenty of studying to do.
i have a few issues with the school i'm going to. i can sum it up in three words >>> i hate it. i'm too bored. i wanna move. its too depressing. there's a ton of stuff in my head about it, but i don't feel like talking about it.
i have problems with math. maybe it's due to the inattentiveness that humor and sarcasm has substituted for supposed learning and all from our math teacher. i don't have anything against him, i'd rather want him to spend most of his time explaining about math and what we're supposed to learn than to harass one of the most perverted guys in our class >> and one of the ones that's really upsetting me (sorta) i'll explain later.
actualy, i'll explain now. i'm sort of in a hurry so apologies for the blurred meaning that i'm trying to get through.
i hate it when he decides to 'hang and flirt' with the 'more prettier girls' while the others just watch and stuff like that. it's really degrading you know? first, your self confidence is just sky high and then, despite of his stupid behaviour (he's pretty nice though, just that thing he does!) he manages to drop it down. i hate it so much that it's depressing me this moment.
what else yeah?? my love life is still non existent to this moment. i hate it because of one reason >>> it separates those who have boyfriends to those who don't, they scamper off talking about those near sexual experiences and stuff like that. it's soo depresing, feeling left out again and again.
if i have another chance to move school, i would definitely take it. if only there were wayy better schools around here, i'll move in a second. *sighs*
our school wayyyyyyyyyyy too small.
our school is boring. nothings happening. oh, did i mention that there's absolutely no prom???? wth?
our school needs to have more discpline in schooling. it's wayy too freei gotta admit.
more damn interactions with the other schools. we're like, so left out.
i feel so damn left out sometimes that it's not even funny. i hate myself for not talking to people more often. i got to accept what's me and not me. i hate myself for not making new friends, but it's a tough bridge to cross. i can't interact like myself through talking. i sound like a complete loser and dork (in my opinion)
i gotta say it again. i hate myself for not having more friends x(
maybe i'm a loner. i used to like it but now, i'm starting to have sore regrets with it.
fck that. i need to start studying now.
judd apatow is a genius.
i want faster DSL.
i want money. even though it's a not sacred act to think about it.
i can't believe i just said that.