Set Me Free..

Just finished checking this blog. It's pretty weird overall. The colors sort of clash, and the only thing that I really done was just change the paragraphs and sentences that weren't visible in the first place. It's really odd - some paragraphs that have the exact same font and color and all can still be visible. Am probably boring you out, so I'll just move on the next subject.
It's IMLEK today. I'll probably just use this day to download even more songs and probably go to ITC to get Lost Season 2 and Desperate Housewives as well. Ooh, can't wait!! I also need to do my homework and all. Call me crazy, but I'm gonna start studying hard again - if I don't have much distractions, that is!
I'm still reading 'Catcher On The Rye' by...I should really start remembering the author's names...J.D Salinger!! It's pretty different to what I usually read - more real in a salicious (is that the right word) way. It has loads of curses and all, but I find myself enjoying it in some way. It's like those feelings that you really can't put down in words are expressed by the main character. It's pretty awesome. I totally liked the way how the main character expresses his dislike for movies and acting and all that. Because it all seems fake. It's like, they're paid to do that. And all that. I don't know, it's pretty hard to explain. But I suggest you read that book whenever you have time. Another book that I'm looking forward to read is 'Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs'. Oooh, and Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons. I did sort of read it, but then I stopped for some reason. It's time to get all book-wormy again! okay, that sounded weird.
Hmm, don't know really what to say. Something new that I haven't said yet.
Umm, this thing has been bothering me for awhile. It's odd that in *oh great, don't tell me it's raining right now*. Anyways, it's like one thing that's dreading you really comes over you, you know what I mean. Like, for instance, your father hadn't paid your school bills yet for more than a couple of months and you still go to school, while a friend of yours hadn't as well, and she's not going to school for some reason, and then, this constant fear comes going into me that one of the teachers would stop me in front of my friends and demand to pay the bills or something. Or that the financial department would call my father advising me to stay home until he pays the bills. Oh, for Pete's sake, I blame this all not to my father *even though I've been quite grouchy* but to those stupid people who haven't collected the money yet. It sucks. Why can't people just pay in time, you know? I think this wasn't the first it happened. Like, my dad is the doormat, and they get to pay him whenever they want. Why can't they just have a fucking deadline? It'll all make us damn happy. Stupid people. I hope their karma gets them. ARGGHHHH!
I can tell you this isn't the first time it happened. It happened quite a number of times, like during the holidays, I have to get my report card later than other people because my parents didn't have the money up the time. I hate it. It's really fucking annoying. I don't want to say those two stupid words that label this. I'm just really pissed right now. ARGGGH, just thinking of it makes me even more pissed by the second. Fuck them. Seriously.
I know that cursing at them isn't going to help them paying my father, but seriously, does any business people out there have morality nowadays?? Cause I can't surely find any of them!
I wish I was like Peyton. I know it sounds weird to idolize a fictional character but you know. I bet she's financially secure (I know it sounded stupid just saying that) and she has a huge talent in art and she's highly individualistic. She's not afraid to be herself and everyone loves her for that. She's sort of rebel, but once you become her friend, she's very loyal to you. She's not afraid to step up to protect her friend from whoever, and she's really strong inside. Her mom had supposedly died and even though there are some days where she wants to break apart, she keeps it strong for most days. She has a great relationship with her dad, unlike mine. Lately, I've been noticing that my father doesn't really say 'I love you' to me. It hasn't been a problem since recently. It sucks. And then, he doesn't ask, 'How's school?' or 'Are you okay?. I usually ask him random questions just to break the ice. Gosh, why does it have to be always me first? If I want a guy to like me, I always have to make the fucking first move. It's depressing just making me think of it. And if I want more friends, I have to ask them the first question first. And then it ends up making that person giving me the cold shoulder. Arghh, why do I have to make the first of everything? The world is against me, I can feel it. And if I don't do it, nothing is going to turn out right, I swear. The only way that I could turn it almost exactly right is in my head. That's probably the only thing that's going right of all these times. My imagination. Somehow, it makes me feel better. But it sounds sort of pathetic that the only way I could be truly happy is only in my fucking head. I know I should be telling myself, "No, you GOT GOT GOT to do it FIRST, and it'll just fucking go right." But I sometimes think, "Why can't the world just cut me some slack? Can I just sometimes let the world open me up and just let me in?" Good Gosh.
Could you tell I'm in a totally bad mood. Fuck this. Fuck the world. It's such a polluted and messed up with *money* in everyone's heads. Full of corruption and everyone is just thinking about showing off with all their money and...arggh, it's so depressing, it could almost kill me.
Ode to those stupid clients. You made me feel like this. Three fucking cheers to youse guys. Well, you can't really say three cheers for sweet revenge, can you?!
I'll give my kidney that some of these texts won't show. so much for my hardwork.

Glory Fades...

Another blog entry after I just made one yesterday. I know, I have loads of free time.
Last Friday was a crack riot. It was one of the funniest days of school. Alright, what happened? Oh yeah, I know this was sort of mean, but it was sort of hilarious. During study hall, we were thinking up of nicknames for all of us. For the girls, it was either Tante something-something. Tante, in Indo, is like Mrs, you know what I mean? It was pretty cool, mine was Tante Philo. Anyways, a guy made up a name for this really feminine guy who all the others call ‘Fruitbasket’ or ‘Sunshine’. It’s hilarious, but he’s actually really nice. He sat next to me while my best friend was off sick for the week. The nickname was Tante Sunshine. Hahahahaa. When I put it down in words, it doesn’t seem really funny. Anyways, he got sort of offended and called the guy who made up the name, Tante Blacky. HAHAHAHAHAHHHHA. Which reminds me, I remember when we were just fooling around one day before school started, and then Fruitbasket started calling him, ‘Blacky!’ It was damn hilarious, me and my friends nearly pissed ourselves from laughing so hard. We tried so hard not to laugh because he’ll get really pissed and start teasing us. He did get pissed to Fruitbasket, saying, “Stop being so f***** racist!” *Which really made me laugh even harder* and then tried to throw an eraser at him, but he ended hitting me on the leg. I didn’t mind, I thought it was even more hilarious! And then he really threw one at him, and Fruitbasket started getting even pissed and you should have seen his face trying to hit him. It was so funny!! That reminds me, during science, we were talking about how it was getting so hot during the summer in Australia, and Fruitbasket whispered to me, “No wonder Blacky is so black.” Hahahah, that was funny. And then another time, he started teasing him a lot, and then Fruitbasket started cursing him in bahasa indo, saying something like, ‘dasar orang gosong!’ (stupid burnt person!) HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. I’m sorry if I’m hurting anyone. If you noticed, I haven’t put there real names here.
What else? Oh yea, he used to call me ‘seal’ because he thought I laughed like a seal back in grade 8. He stopped teasing me and started teasing my best friend, calling her a humpback whale. It was pretty funny, but I know it’s pretty annoying how he teases people. Really annoying. The irony is, I cried once when he started teasing me. Don’t ask me ever how or why, but I was in a bad mood that time.
Anyways, what else happened? Hmm, during lunch, me and a friend started laughing so hard about this guy we both used to like so much back in grade eight. I guess we laughed so hard why we liked this guy, I mean, arggh, the history with him was so messed back in grade 8. We sort of fought over him. Hhahaaha, now we can’t believe why we liked him in the first place. He’s not bad looking at all whatsoever, it’s sort of hard to explain. I really can’t believe why I liked him so much before. The nickname he got during study hall was ‘Bugil Kesasaran’. Bugil is short for Bule Gila (crazy foreigner). Hahahahaa, it’s really like him though! It’s (Lost Crazy Foreigner). It’s really mean, in some way though. I don’t know, we laughed so hard about that, we were observing him quietly, while he talked to a bottle and all that, hahahahahaha. During the last period of school, we started laughing our heads off about BB (I don’t want to tell you what it stands for, it’s pretty mean) and we started teasing him how hot and handsome he is (which, is sort of the opposite in terms of reality) and one of my friends wrote his name in a desk, and another guy noticed. It was really embaressing.
That day was pretty good.
After school, a couple of us went to Cheetos and just hung out. We tried on clothes, did photobox, ate, and all that.
*it’s such a shame that I’m not one of those people who can have loads of close friends. But in some way, I’m pretty happy in what I have and got now. I seriously hope it doesn’t change.**
Listening to musique at the moment, while downloading some as well. Pretty awesome. Tuesday’s a HOLIDAYY! WohooO! I don’t know whether I’m going to the mall again tomorrow…
*spinning around the sun, making my way***
*btw, I really should start exercising, my stomach is starting to bulge out x(
life could be a dream…if I could only have you-know-who x(
so long.fareweLL.
angelica
ps. Have you ever felt when you’re such in an okay mood, you think, how long will this last until I encounter a bad bad situation??? I hate that feeling. I love this feeling. Wish I could have it >>> you know that feeling where you can overtop any crisis and all that, like, it’s hard to explain, like, having a huge project and you’re on the way to finishing, and you still have time to relax and all that jazz. No need for rushing around, you’ve got it all covered (well, most of it anyways). I love that feeling.

Bury Your Head..

petewentz.petewentz.petewentz.petewentz.petewentz.
am i seriously still infatuated by this guyy?
it's getting pretty serious (in a dreamish-sorta way) and pretty sweet every time i dream more of him..i know that the last sentence i just wrote was pretty stupid..hahahahha, i bet in six months time, i'm gonna read this and think, 'wtf?'
hahahaahaha.celebrity crushes.they spin you into a world where your dreams dominate its sweetness and self-lovableness as you just ponder how you and *him can just live day by day in each others arms. then stupid reality pops up unannounced and whips all of it into a cloud. and all you can do about it is just see it float away.
i think that one reason of why i love pete wentz this much...oh gawsh, there's loads of reasons. he's undeniably hot. i'm so drawn to him like a moth to a firelight. or a fly to those zaplights. hahahaah, when you go close enough, ZAP! You end up paralyzed or dead.
everytyme i think of him, more and more scenarios come up to my mind. each one more sweeter and awesome than the other. it's pretty weird if i give you some...i think it's stuff that should only be in my head onlyy..
*hint hint* being with him early at night..where it's starting to get dark....near the dock of a bay..with a blanket..and candles..>>>>>>>sheer heaven.
cheezy + green sands heaven
petepetepetepete

With A Subtle Look..

· Making mix cds is officially a favorite of mine. Whether I’m making one for myself (yeahhh) or for friends of mine, I love doing it. It’s such an awesome thing to do – expressing your emotions to emotionally-challenged people. You know what I mean, those people-who-can-detect-your-feelings-through-songs. It’s such a shame that there’s almost no one who can give me a mix cd back.
· *swoons* Pete’s words…nuff’ said. i heart him still.
· I want to go to Chicago. So badly that it hurts. Well, maybe I’m overreacting but who doesn’t?
· Hmmm.. school’s pretty boring at the moment. My bestie’s sick from probably what happened last week and here I am talking about it in my blog. And today, me and a couple of friends made fun of her poses in photos. No offense, but they are pretty weird. Not in a awkardish way, no, but like sort of…hmmm, ‘come-get-some’ look. I don’t know why, but I feel quite guilty after that.
· Today’s been a weird day, but it isn’t weird enough to stand apart from all the bad days I had previously. Apparently one of the classmates in our class has some sort of access with one of the teachers in the class who does some sort of computer finance or something. He spilled that *Rachelle didn’t go to school because her parents couldn’t pay the tuition fees for 3 months or something. OMG, when he said that, I was like, ‘please he doesn’t spill my name out,’ or ‘oh gosh, I hope he doesn’t know about me’.
I really need to get my report card soon.
· I’ve heard so many songs this past few weeks that I can’t remember any of them. I’m starting to listen to the radio (there’s a radio station here that plays lots of good alternative rock songs, which is pretty sweet) a few weeks ago, and I bought more CDs. I already finished downloading a few Mix CDs songs. Champagne for Limewire, Real Pain for stupid internet connection.
· Just had a friggin hard science test today. It was weird – he gave us questions that we haven’t learned about yet! Arghh, weird .
· I borrowed ‘Catcher in the Rye’ and ‘Lord of the Flies’ in the library today. Haven’t read it all yet, but I’m starting on CITR and it’s pretty interesting. Hope I can finish these books so I can finally describe myself as ‘an indie-rock/bookworm intellectual. I like the sound of that. J
· Do you have that feeling where you’re not satisfied with what you get? It’s like, you always want more. When you got this song, you want another song. And then after that, you spot a new song that everybody is talking about, and then you want that song. Same goes with people, ya know? And shirts, and bags, and all that jazz..
· I hate smudged eyeliner underneath your eyes. It’s the ugliest look I ever seen, I swear.
· Hope Friday will be alright. Hope it can be FUN at the most! Cheers! Here’s to supposed shisha and all that jazz..
· I really need to start taking lots and lots of pictures. I love taking pictures in unforgettable moments. Yeah, I’m a picture whore. Like Pete Wentz *swoons*. He looks good in any photo. *drools*
· What else? Oh yea, fried chicken + doughnuts = nauseous. Never ever eat one of them after the other <<<<>
Let the sun wash away the problems from the past.
Angelica.

Nice To Know You

Brothers and sisters.
Yesterday was pretty awful, I guess. First of all, my dad sort of shouted at me about our financial problems. He was like, “You’re lucky that I was able to buy your handphone but our debt is like..” and he maneuvered a pretty high level. It was pretty upsetting, I must admit. He started saying, “You must understand our financial problems” And I was like, I DO! Maybe I might have overdone it, I guess. Anyways, do you want to know why he shouted at me in the first place. It was when I was getting ready for school. He wanted to talk to me and then the talk was basically about me staying here in Jakarta while he will go to Manila to visit my mother. During KL, he told me I could go, but now, I guess he changed his mind. First of all, I think he was trying to cover our financial problem by saying they were worried about my studies. And then, you know I got pretty upset, and yeah. I was all like, “If you don’t want me to go, I’ll stay here”. I was disappointed, but sort of eager at the same time to understand our financial problem. Anyways, when I was about to leave for school, I kissed him on the head, and when I was about to go open the door, he asked “What time are you going home from ITC?” and all of a sudden, he started shouting “Why are you mad?” I was pretty shocked. I mean, I do fudgin understand about our financial problem, but still, does he actually understand how much I want to see my mother??? Yeah, all that shouting and all. And then after awhile when it was sort of quiet (I guess he run out of things to say) and he wanted me to kiss him goodbye (Please understand, he says) and I left. I was almost in tears, I remember my eyes brimming with tears as I went down. I was mad because he shouted at me at the first place, mostly for not understanding how I feel. I was mad because I couldn’t get to see my mother again for a pretty longtime. And I was mad because we had the financial problem in the first place. And I was mad that he was definitely going to tell that girl I was talking about who hangs out with us every time we go out for church. I’m like 99.5% sure. If she dares to give me that bitchy look when we meet, I swear. I must admit, that I started being nice to her and all last weekend. I remember feeling absolutely no anger at her. But if she acts normal and all, I won’t mind.
I didn’t tell my friends yet. And I’m not planning to. I know it sounds stupid and all, but I like being the girl that everyone thinks their life is sort of perfect. I mean, my friends say I have no problems at all, but that just means I do a darn good job of keeping it to myself. All bottled up. I only spill it to my blogs, which probably someday, someone in another place somewhere around the world could read, and probably, understand. I understand I’m not perfect. Totally understand it. But I like to think…it’s really complicated to explain. Probably I’m just scared of what people think of me. Yeah, I think I’m like that. And so is everyone else. I mean, I bought that handphone just to be, like, a part of the people who have cameras in their handphones. I mean, when people buy new handphones, at least a little feeling inside of them wants to show it off. But then, I feel sorry for the people who don’t have it yet, or can’t afford it. Because in reality, I’m in there place as well, in some way. My dad hasn’t paid for my school yet, and I can’t get my report card. One of my biggest fears is one of the teachers knowing, and spilling it out in front of the classroom. I don’t want anyone to know about it. So I think I try to hide it by buying a handphone or something. I don’t do it intentionally, but in some way, I do that.
I have flaws. Everyone does, I guess. I have just spilled mine. I may not say it directly, but I guess I’ll leave it up to you to judge me.
* I wish there’s someone out there who have similar problems I am currently experiencing.
* I remember my dad saying, “That’s why we’re sending you to Philippines, because your school here is so expensive. You know how many months we haven’t paid for your tuition fees?” I replied, “4 months”
* Now, my feelings for returning to Philippines have been slowly declining. I still know, even though I have those feelings, I’m still ending up going there.

To me, I think living in Jakarta is a better luxury than living in Philippines. First of all, I go to a national-plus school, and the school my parents are planning me to go is probably a national school. And here, I have a cool awesome car, but the car I have in Philippines isn’t as nice. I shouldn’t be talking about this, it’ll make me judge even more. The important thing is, I should understand (I’m really trying) about our current situation. But here I am, wasting about an hour or something by downloading a few songs. *Sighs* I shouldn’t be doing this.
· Feeling like the world is against me someway. It doesn’t seem right at all. I think I have a disorder. A disorder that doesn’t have a name yet. It feels that no one understands me. There may be someone out there that probably could, but it’s out of reach. I think of things in contradicting ways. It’s hard to explain. I’m so flawed. Gosh, this is depressing.
· No one understands me. This sucks.

Start Today..

I'm currently at an internet cafe here right now. It's pretty alrite, I guess. I'm here because my dad supposed to meet his collegues or something. Hahaha, I don't want to join them so I just went here in this internet cafe. And guess who's in here as well. A couple of guys from school. Whatever. I don't think I'm that interested in hanging out with them. Ahh, I don't know. Their too busy playing video games Whatevers.
Anyways, lots of things happened. Their not in my mind right now. I'll just do the whole dotpoint issue again as it slowly devours my mind.

• Hung out with my bestie last night at PIM. It was pretty quiet. The day before that, she told me the biggest news. She got sexually harassed. I think it's pretty weird saying that in such a public place. But yeah, she did. And I don't know why, her body is full with fevers. She was really bad state when she called me and as well when I met her. I worry for her. I'm not going to tell how it happened, but it did happen. It's pretty weird, though. I never thought a friend of mine would actually get to experience something like that. I always thought it was something that teens in magazines only, you know what I mean? But I'm trying my best to help her, and I told her to tell a trusted teacher in school tommorow, so, let's hope for the best alrite? During the talk we had before she was all like, 'you're the only person I can talk to about everything' and all that stuff similiar to that. It's pretty brightening, but I feel sort of sad. The fact that there's a huge chance I might move in a couple of months is just so sad for me to leave my bestest friend in the world. I don't know what I'm going to do without her. Ditto to her as well.
• Ummmm...what else?? Sometimes I'm alright with my social position at school, sometimes I'm not (Btw, i'm dying to go to the toilet right now). But at the end, I thnk that moving school is probably the best way. Start a new life. Make my parents happy. Become into a mature, independent young woman. Hahahahaha. THe problem is, where am I gonna find a guy? Am I going to fit in? A part of my mind says, 'don't worry, you'll answer those questions there'. But who knows, you know?
• Watched Cheaper by the Dozen 2. It's pretty kewl, family-oriented and all. Some parts, I gotta say, was pretty cheesy, but overall, it's alrite. The story with the tomboy whose starting to have her first crush was pretty cute by the way. Anyways, it was only me and Fanny who watched it . It was her sis' bday party and she invited all her girl friends. Dude, I remember seeing these guys there age (there lyke around 5th or 6th grade) checking them out. It was so cute.

Love That Will Last..

i want a love that will last...i don't want just a memory..give me foreverrrrrr...
Man, I used to love that song from Renee Olstead. I used to love her musique. I still do, but don't really hear her CD more often than I did before. I wanted to have her voice..hahaha I remember. Those memories.
Anyways, I think I'm little bit desperate for L.O.V.E....not just only a guy, but also from friends. And NOT in a lesbianish wayy. I mean..I know I said this before, but I really want to be one of those people whose friends SMS to see how their doing *by the wayy, 'Midnight At The Oasis' is playing right now. I totally heart it. Don't you think it's awesome listening to jazz musique with your sweetie in a comfy cafe with comfy seats whilst drinking hot drinks??? *sighs**..* Anyways, back to the topic. Yeahh, I feel sort of sorry to myself because no one besides my dad had SMSed me. Arggh, can't really hear my *Twisted Transistor* message alert (unless I stupidly played it myself)
I'm looking forward to liven my friendship with my current friends. And develop more close relationships, if I can. And, meet more people to be my close friends.
*Hope I can come back to this in a year's time and smile because in that time I would finally accomplish it.***
Sometimes when I think people are reading this - my writing may seem lame and all.
* I think I'm definitely moving to Philo, yet I don't really want to admit it yet.*
*I'm damn happy that I finally got a new handphone. It's a Sony Ericsson w550I w/h walkman. pretty sweet!!! but then, my dad hadn't paid for the tuition fees yet. So in that case, I haven't got my report card yet. And school starts tommorow. Likewise other times, I hope no teacher reports that in front of the class, and I hope I get it soon..I hope everything will be alright.
*School starts tommorow. Arggh, I hope everything turns out well. I am secretly hoping for a hot (guy) student.
*I painted my nails blue. Pretty sweet if you ask me.
* I really need to glamorize my myspace account. So far, I have nothing on it. It's going to be a pretty journey if you ask me. Just hope I could do CSS or HTML or whatever it is to make it nice as possible.
But there's another problem. Friends. Solution >>> Make friends with random people...????
* Tommorow's skewl *groans loudly*. This pretty much sucks...???? I'll have to meet idiotic guy classmates again. Bleehhhhhh...meeting friends and finally having something educating to do is pretty much the highlights. I don't know, I tend to like doing something on the deadline. Like, as task or something. That's why I like it when my dad or whoever gives me one. The thing I don't like about it is that I have a partner or something. In the past, I've had bad experiences with having a partner (pretty much in schooL) and ending getting my trust and dependence (is there such word?) broken *sobs sobs* hahahahahahah...stupid, but true. But now, I'm willing to reconcile cause now I realize that I shouldn't always put my feelings first.
* I really don't know what I should say now. I guess I'll go...I'm going to start looking for friends here, myspace, and friendster! {man, that sounded really pathetic and desperate}
cheerios.
angelica

Unloveable

i know i'm unlovable..u don't have to tell me..
it's an awesome that's grown on me from The Smiths 'Unlovable'. it's totally a song i can relate to right now. i think i'm unlovable to new people. my first impression in my opinion may usually ward people off. but man, i don't want that. i want more friends! man, the more i keep saying that, i bet you think i'm just this loser or whatever.
it's funny, a year from now, i would love to spend my holidays alone...watching movies, going to the internet, anything to do at home, but now...i still do those stuff whcih is pretty enjoyable but i really want to have time in my schedule where it's lyke..'tommorow i'm hanging out with this person and the day after that i have dinner with these guys'...arggh! i really want that.
i really think being in cibun is really one of the reasons why i'm not that close to anyone outside school, with the exception of dani and nicole (i think). it's not that cibun has a bad reputation (or does it?), but it's sort of isolated *am i seriously deluded, or it's just me*. if there's any peepz that have loads and loads of friends outside school, i'm nearly 100% that that person went to another school before their parents shoved them into our *beloved* cibun.
i seriously want to move school. don't know where.
**pardon me for having this feeling, but i fink i'm seriously moving to philo. i seriously fink i am. for the better. but i'm seriously gonna miss my parents. really do. am going to miss my 'inside' jokes from my dad, and my mom's sort of constant naggin *don't worry mumz..still definitely absolutely love u!* but most of all.their presence. its gonna be definitely hard being there without them.... x( x(
but at least my studies will definitely start going. and prolly my social life (well, there's a probable 50/50 chance.) look at my sis..she doesn't really kno tagalog but she's lyke definitely one of the popularest girls there.
but when i think of it...some random thoughts come to mind..*if i go over to a friend's house..who's gonna pick me up? or worse, drop me off??***if there's a parent/teacher meetings..i guess my parents wouldn't fly to philo jst for that, huh???
*woe is me**
*i'm not happy here in jakarta...*~
my description of me..only better *okayy, that sounded so totally self-righteous**
it's lyke..because my so-called social life is not existent, i'm just going to waste my tyme talking about me, Me, ME! *Sobs*
aite..here it goess..
hmmmm...i wear glasses (not permanent, but just times where it looks pretty sweet...lyke when i'm writing or drawing..or doing something creative..at least i have to have my *artistic* feeling. and it's not the type of glasses i currently wear..but lyke patrick stump glasses..only smaller..you know..not the ones that look thin and fragile..but the ones that are black or dark dark brown and looks pretty sweet...awww, i love those glasses!!!
and my hair..looks pretty much the same, except it has more showable bangs and not the bangs that it's the common trend here in indo..not swidesweptt..*i'm finally am going to get my hair cut (or jst get bangs) at saturdayy...
hmmm...i wear braces (yesh, you can't get straight teeth jst lyke DAT! aaahhh...screw it. i want straight teeth!!!!!) and i wear black eyeliner more often..and i still wear my best friend necklace...and i wear black nailpolish...oohh! and i have my third piercings on my earr..all with awesomme earrings..one as usual with dangly earrings!! and...i wear anything vintage and unique...it jst has to set me apart from my friends..
oohh..my friends..i have tons of them...from tyme 2 tyme they usually call me..we chat and all..and my pulsa is usually full with all the smsing we do....and we hangout every FRIDAY! we go 2 chitos...PIM..plaza senayann...awesumm kemang resteraunts and all..and jst talk and laugh...and from tyme 2 tyme i go clubbing (safe clubbing...not those with loads of peopple getting drunk and passing out everywhere..man, safe clubbing sounds sort of lame!!!!) and jst dance the night awayy..we dont smoke (well, its okayy if some of my friends do..but i wont) and jst have funnn...
and i know its stupid to sayy bt..yessh, you know it. i gotta a bf in 'me...only better'. and he's lyke the rocker-ish type..i dont have any details on the face *but im secretly hoping he looks similiar to pete wentz!!* and he's in a band..dunt care whether he's the singer, bassist, guitarist or drummer, but he's in an awesommmee band...and lyke..he does all those "gooshy" boyfriend things for me...but still not hoplessly romantic...i lyke a guy who can spend tyme with me yet still have enough tyme to socialize with his friends. he smses me, calls me, gives me mix cds (which totally is the best present u can ever give/get) and the dates we have..it's lyke we have those movie dates..but then we go play billiards or bowling in probably a group date...and eating dinner in some place lyke cheetos..and then from tyme 2 tyme we have those formal resteraunt dates...and..what else? yeahhh..
i have DSL..heheheeh and my ipod nano is wayyyy cleaner than what is now..or jst with an awesome ipod cover..
and..what else?? i wear black converse shoess...any converse shoes will do..heheheeh
i dnt wanna be rich RICH..but just have enough enough and totally financially secure. enough money for college.enough money for education. basically enough money for a good future. and we may have enough for sometimes splurges in marks and spencers and polos for my dad..and my mom..her favorite makeup brand..sheisido (or something lyke dat..i think i got da spelling wrong..)..and my sis..anytin she wants..hehehehee...and for me?? hmmm..jst awesome one-of-a-kind jacket preferablly leather..and jst anytin vintage..ooh! and CDs..the really good ones lyke modest mouse or any good indie musique i'll buy in aksara..original! bt the ones that i jst wanna check it out..i still wont mind buyin it in ITC..along with dvds..especially tv shows lyke joey and scrubs and all..
ohhhhh...it would be pretty sweet having a credit card...swoooonnnssss
awwwwwhh...what a life..
*!remember..less is better...*!*!*
***i shouldnt think that stuff lyke dat will definitely make me happier. i fink in some way it sort of opposes my belief of being a Catholic. it's sort of hard to explainn..**
*ohh well..you culd jst keep on dreamin, can u?? i realize that the only wayy i could have more friends is be friendly and all..but how you know?? i fink i criticize too much on myself lyke when i say something, i'll think to myself 'should i really say that??'' 'oh no! i think she think i'm boringg!!'..and then it all comes to one awkward silence...
i shouldnt do that. help me!
i'm getting a handphone camera (hopefully!) soon...i'm definitely gonna spice up my blog with pics..not only with my friends...but lyke..my journal and artwork and all that...and i'm going to try and do html here...in friendster is so much simpler..with css editor..i dunno bout here..i'll explore it soon...and what else??
oh yeah, so many mix cds.....so many tyme..too much tyme.
i wanna be a cd reviewer or a book reviewer..aaahhhh that'll be awesome!
***~i could care less*
or would i?
dont mind my weirdmind.
awesome words from the awesome pete wentz. >>>>> not as obsessed with him as before anymore. congratulate me.
**words are like poor substitute for my moods and emotions xxxxx >>>>>> definitely true.
** the world has a funny way of playing tricks on us..straight up!!
why cant i write words lyke him???
weird but not weird in some way.
angelica

Head On Collision..

I'm starting to like New Found Glory's 'Sticks and Stones'. It's pretty rad.
Last night, I had dinner with my old man. It was...pretty interesting. He really wants me to study in the Philippines, in the same school as my older sister (who by the way, is totally popular and 'loving life' right now). In fact, I'm pretty envious of her, I stayed with her in her cool dorm for a night, and in that time, I discovered how many friends she had. Every five minutes, her handphone will give off that 'you got a message!' sound. I'm totally happy for her, but then when I sort of compare it with my life here in Jakarta, it's pretty upsetting. I'm not hated or whatever, it's just, I want more friends.
I got this from somewhere around the net, that don't envy the girl who has thousand acquantainces but envy the girl who has one true friend.
Anyway, back to dinner with my old man. I hate to admit it, but I think he was sort of 'bribing' me to study there. He's gonna buy me a handphone (finally!) at Saturday (where I totally want to get my haircut. I'm planning to let it grow long but I want to change my bangs. My bangs now pretty much SUCK!) What else??? oh yea, he wants me to get braces *finally!* and..he wants to buy a digital camera before we leave for Bali. Yup, BALI!!!
I don't want to ask more more...but since this stupid internet is pretty much slow..I wanna ask the price for DSL..and Converseshoes as well..and I'm totally okayyy. I mean I don't want to grab this oppurtunity because I want to snag free stuff or something. Ahh, I don't want to sound selfish or whatever. x(
I should really change my email address. Seriously, jackass_gurl1108?? I don't have any good ones at the moment, but I'll think of something.
i'm a bitch.
peace out.
angelica

Be Somebody..

i'm here without you baby
I'm here without you baby..but you're still on my lonely mind..and I dream about you all the tyme..such beautiful words..
2006 is a year that I must find love. And more friends. And better contentment. Like other people in this world, I want to be a better person without pushing too much pressure into myself. I'm not going to try to be a different person other than myself.
Yeah, I still want more friends..and to find love. In my astro-forecast (alright, stop the sniggering) for Leos in 2006, it says that I'm going to concentrate more in the *love* area.
I think my blog is getting sort of boring. I need to put some HTML inside. But I have no idea how. *sighs* i wish i was a HTML expert. And so is my friendster profile. It's pathetic. here's the link, http://www.friendster.com/profiles/dropaheart
OKay, i'm doing this. HERE'S MY OFFICIAL SHORT-TERM GOALS FOR 2006!

• Learn HTML and make a BETTER and more INTERESTING blog and Friendster profile as well!
• Finish all my Mix CDs..and sort them all
• Find my debit card book..and deposit money
• Write at least two lyrics on my lyric book each week
• Get friggin better gifts (birthday and x-mas) for my family!!!
• No more cramming (ha!)...at least tone it down >>> not really a goal..more lyke a resolution
• No more impulse buying. >>>> not really a goal..more lyke a resolution
• can't think of anymore right now.

LONG TERM GOALS FOR 2006

• write and submit an article for myjellybean.com >>> this may take a long tyme
• if there's a job oppurtunity, TAKE IT! btw, i want 2 find a jobb...
• find the courage to ask for singing and guitar lessons...especially guitar!
• read at least 30 friggin books/novels this year (class novels included) wait..let me do the math..256 days a year...that's around one book every nine weeks..hmmph! can i say 'easy??'
• umm..study hard and aLL?
• make at least 5 friends..and keep close contact with them this yearr..
• be a friggin better writer in my blogs..

yeahh..I think that's it. Alright, the vacation.

It was pretty good compared to the one in June, where my grandfather had moved on. But the bad thing here was my mom's diagnosis with breast cancer. But overall, she felt alright. I could see the strength inside her but then there are times where there is a mixture of strength and sadness and fear. But I think at the end, strength conquers all. I'll always pray for her.

Even though she's doing really well (she just got her first chemotherapy treatment), you never know that it might come back. You just never know. THank goodness the lymph nodes are all negative. I'm always going to pray for her. I miss her and my sister so much. There are times where I want them to come back (funny, cause when they were still here, there are times where I always wanted to be with myself), but then, I think 'I gotta be strong' and my independency comes all over me. Yesterday, I spent my day cleaning the apartment, i got so disgusted at times. Seriously, you never know how dirty your bathroom can get! But then, I want to take off the christmas tree. I want my dad to do it as well, but you know, men. They don't mind much concerning cleaning and all. I think I knew what my mom felt.

There are tons of clothes waiting to be ironed. I heard a part-time maid was supposed to come today to help iron the clothes but she had to come almost a couple of hours ago but she ain't here yet.

Hmmm...what else? I remember alot of watching tv in the first few dayys. It pretty much sucks that the cable in the room that we were staying at didn't work anymore. So we had to watch TV at the living room. There were times where I desperately wanted to watch TRL (for FOB!) but then it so happens that it was the same time where my lola wanted to watch this weird game show. I remember watching back-to-back episodes of 'Survivor All-Star'. Can I say GUILTY PLEASURE??????????

The other time I remember was watching these boyband videos *shudders* lyke 98 Degrees *coughs*, A1 *gags*, and worst of all, N'sync *bleehhhh*. Can't believe we all started liking crap like that back then. Blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..

pete wentz >>>> hot...

angelica.

I Try..

brothers and sisters!
i'm officially back from my holidayy. tons and tons of things happened. both good and bad i must sayy. here are a few 'dotpoints' from what I can think of right now but i'll tone you up first thing tommorow.

• lots of tears and misunderstandings. make that tons. seriously, lots of tears have shedded from these pair of eyes are gazing at this blog right now.
• shopping? yeahh, i guess so..i think my mind is totally fixated on the first dotpoint i put on..it's a big issue for me i guess..it's all MISUNDERSTOOD.
• fallout boy >>> hahahaaha, there always somewhere around my mind. a few good things that i'll state tommorow had happened and no, i haven't met them...yet xP but it's just a few things that may have happened to FOB fanatics out there tons of times but me it just happened a few weeks ago.
• my heart is the worst kind of weapon..eight words that never lies..
• i feel pretty dull at the moment. nothing really intriguing is up at my mind at the present moment.
• i feel..stupid, awkward, dreamy, sorta tired, stupid, selfish, arrogant, and last but not least MISUNDERSTOOD. and it's sorta all my fault. xplain later.
• when we just arrived here, there was unmistakably disgusting smell coming from the refrigerator. i thought it was the eggs but it was actually the rotten sleek fish and all kinds of seafood at the freezer. it smelled so damn bad when we had to take it off...arghh! i swear, i wanted to puke. never ever smell rotten seafood, it's the definitely worst.
• i want fall out boy. i want pete wentz. i want patrick.i want joe.i want andy <<<>
• i totally need to hangout with my friends. it's already been a long time. i shuld make more friendsssss..
• new years resolutionssss..well, i don't know if they're really resolutions, and i totally don't know if i'm actually gonna follow it or not..

that's it for tonight..oh and by the way, last night, i finally saw a bakla pelacur . in other words, a gay male prostitute that totally looks like a female. it was in the sad hotel we stayed in malaysia for two nights, and the last night we spent there, after we were sightseeing the malaysia nightlife. we were at the lobby waiting for the receptionist to give us the key and this local guy *i think* and this western looking middle aged guy were negotiating with *him*. first, i thought it was a girl but then *he* started talking in a really weird nasalic voice or something..hahahahaha it was definitely a weird experience..

*!follow me..and everything will be alright..

gnite.

angelica.

ps>>> the western looking guyy gave up and walked awayy..